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holy balls I'm old


Here we are, 13 hours until 2019. I am now 48 years old. Old as hell. I don't even know where the last ten years went. Seriously. I just found out today (thanks to Amazon) that the bluetooth headphone that I wear almost every day were purchased in 2012. 2012. That's like, almost seven years or something. I've had five damn cell phones since 2012. Wow. I still call these my "new" headphones. I mean, I don't call them that when I'm talking to other people, but I when I look at them I think, those are my new headphones. I remember when I ordered them, thinking, hell, those are cheap. I should try those. I bought underwear the same day. From WalMart. I'm wearing those today too.

I feel sick.

Today, or rather this afternoon, I'm going to go buy new skivvies. Good old fashioned Old Man skivvies. I have to do this. For the family. And because I am old. Old as dirt.

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In the surprising to no one file...


James Bond MAY be an alcoholic.

Who the hell didn't know that? That's part of the myth. READ A BOOK! Jesus God! DID THE WORLD BEGIN IN THE YEAR 2000?!!!!!!!!!!

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Yo... people...people..yo..


guys. If Twitter doesn't want you to play in their sandbox. Go somewhere else. Look. In 3rd grade someone mean didn't want you to play with the group. You could be annoying and feed the drama, or you could simply do what your parents said. Go play with someone else. It's not hard. Enough people get thrown out of the group and the group won't exist. Easy peasy. You aren't missing anything. Here's an example:

I quit Facebook. A couple of years ago. I don't miss it. Not because I am better than anyone else (I am, remember, I quit smoking. That makes me better than you.) but because I didn't miss it before there was a Facebook. Before I joined Facebook I wasn't wandering around wondering what some acquaintance's wife had for breakfast on her vacation, or how much she misses her dead dog. I didn't give a shit. Same with Twitter. Before Twitter, I didn't think that I needed to get my entertainment from Burger King. Now that I haven't really been on Twitter, I realise I STILL don't need to know what Burger King thinks about ANYTHING. It's very nice.

When your kids are having a temper tantrum you ignore them. Twitter and Facebook are children having temper tantrums. Ignore them. They will stop.

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Cookie Waits


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Well, I had a post. And I posted it. But it didn't post. So I'm posting this post post. Post this post, I'll be more positive about posting through electronic post, instead of on the phone. Maybe some day I'll figure out how to do this for real.

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Dear God ...


I'm watching Back to School, with Rodney Dangerfield, and God help me, he looks younger than me.

Public service announcement


Listen up shitheads.  If you put your fucking bags in an overhead bin that is NOT OVER YOUR FUCKING SEAT YOU ARE A NOTHERFUCKING HORSEFACED SHITBIRD WHO SHOULD BE RAPED TO DEATH BY MOUNTAIN GORILLAS.  Especially if you are wearing a fucking stupid purple hat and are boarding a flight from Atlanta.  Right now.  You fucking, ass faced, bitch.