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Working on the pictures



Earworm for you, killing me today.

Grandpa was a carpenter, he built houses, stores and banks
Chain-smoked Camel cigarettes, and hammered nails in planks
He would level on the level, he shaved even every door
And voted for Eisenhower, 'cause Lincoln won the war

John Prine, love it, unless it's been running through your head since 5:30 this morning.

So I've been thinking I need a truck.

How about this one?

This is what I REALLY want for Christmas.

RoboDump 1.0 Go ahead and return the pajamas Mom.

I'm Home!


I hd a good vacation, got lots of pictures, everyone is fat and happy. I'll be posting more later on, but right now, here's a little
schadenfreude. Poor guy. My vacation was exactly the opposite.

Gmail Wiki


This is useful.

Sunday Morning Coming Down


Early day today, rough night. The church had its fall festival and the kids were amped. So this morning the Beast was up at 4:00 and woke everyone else, even the dog. Ol' Scamper is a wee bit tired out because of a loong romp in the park yesterday and with all of the stomping and bumping, threats, screaming and retaliation going on all night he didn't get a lot of sleep.

You Again?

This One. . was up every couple of hours last night too. You'd think triptophan would have some effect, wouldn't you? Nope, here he is at 5 am, smiling away. Why? 'cause he's sitting in a huge steaming orange turd, that's why.

So, uh, can I eat that?

To think, today's the day he gets baptised. God help the church.

An Obvious Answer

Boys or girls? I bet you can tell just by looking at this picture. Notice the empty plates. Notice all the food next to the empty plates. Make your decision.


Shall We?



This morning's earworm is a problem for me, since I have no idea why it's in my head, and I have no way of geting rid of it. Close, but no cigar. See if you can get it.

I went downtown, got my wife
Somewhere in the subway, lost her life
Ain't no union union union, no security
Everybody knows who is takin' care of me

Guardian Angels keepin' me safe
Concrete shelter and tyrannical waste
Play a little hopscotch, play a little ball
Steal a can of spray paint and write it on the wall
On the wall, go write it out on the wall
On the wall, out tonight on the wall

Philadelphia natives of a certain age are gonna be pissed off at me for that one.

Anyone know where I can get a copy?

Someone had to do it.


Jack Sparks fills the rest of us in on what happened on the Country Music Awards.

Speaking of crap, I've had "Nashville Cats" by the Lovin' Spoonful stuck in my head all freakin' morning. When was the last time I heard that song? I must've been what? Eight?

Serves me right, driving in to work this morning I was listening to the Cowboy Junkies.. . and it was raining. And I was too chicken to run the old volvo into a bridge abutment. You see, if you listen to the Cowboy Junkies in the rain, your brain knows it's time to off yourself, if your body doesn't go along. . . well, out comes the John Sebastian. You'll be dead by morning.

Everyone together now!!!!!

Welcome back, your dreams were your ticket out
Welcome back, to that same old place that you laughed about
Well the names have all changed since you hung around
But those dreams have remained and they've turned around
Who'd have thought they'd lead ya
(who'd have thought they'd lead ya)
Back here where we need ya
(back here where we need ya)
Yeah we tease him a lot cause we got him on the spot
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back, welcome back
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back

Get rid of THAT earworm.

The Don Martin Dictionary


Remember Don Martin from Mad Magazine?
Here's a dictionary of the onomatapeas he used for almost fourty years. With references.
The Don Martin Dictionary -- Alphabetical Listing

Long Week


I've got one behind me and another one ahead of me. I'm really not looking forward to it. I might break my rule about not writing about work.

I'm taking the house off of the market, I just don't want people wandering through it during the holidays. Plus, I'm finishing the family room in the basement this month, so it'll be a disaster area down there. And Dick Johnson, one half of my realtor, (no cracks about the name) was just diagnosed with cancer of the larynx. That really sucks, he's a really great guy. The Beast is off visiting Lily, his cow, at our friend Paula's farm, because the wife and I played in a poker tournament last night.

Update: I came in second in the poker tournament, made 5 bucks over our entry fee. The Beast is home! He got to ride a four-wheeler. Gabe is super jealous.

Anyone else think Ollie North should be in jail? I'm sorry, I like Fox and all, but damn, it's Ollie freakin' North.

I found a stash of stuff from my college playwriting class in a folder I was going to throw out. Character sketches and one-scene vingettes mostly. Looked at them, but didn't really read them. All I can say is kids today have it so good. Really. Think about it. Laser Printers. Spell Check. Brains. Talent. Whatever.

I think I'll transcribe them out here. Good for a laugh. Give me something to do when I'm not at Basketball practice or working on the basement, at work or picking up after the kids.


Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me


Poor little Bunny

OK, my day is not this bad.

Oh boy. How do I describe this? I'm still cringing. Safe for work.

Election's Over


Time to buy yourself something nice for your new house.

Wouldn't this look good on your lawn?

The Principia Discordia


Two young Californians, known later as Omar Ravenhurst and Malaclypse the Younger, were indulging in their habit of sipping coffee at an allnight bowling alley and generally solving the world's problems. This particular evening the main subject of discussion was discord and they were complaining to each other of the personal confusion they felt in their respective lives. "Solve the problem of discord," said one, "and all other problems will vanish." "Indeed," said the other, "chaos and strife are the roots of all confusion."

Make sense of our time.

I'm feeling better already.


Thanks, Johnny.



I quit cold turkey one year ago today. Never thought I'd do it, but I did. So tonight I'm celebrating with lots of chocolate and bourbon, Rebel Yell or Maker's Mark, haven't decided.

Hayden, the prince, got his braces off this week. Holy cow. I'm getting old. I mean really, I met my wife TWENTY years ago Halloween night. October 31, 1984. Freaky.

Anyway, now that Hayden has perfect teeth, good hair and is now a practicing alter boy (Mass Server's the PC title), he is officially eligible to be a Democratic Senator. Lock up your daughters.

Hayden Osmond