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He'll get up, then he'll get up, we'll all get up, It'll be anarchy!


BoingBoing banned in UAE, Qatar, elsewhere. Our response to net-censors: Get bent!

In a previous life as a corporate IT guy, I would have blocked BoingBoing. If only for the banner ads for Suicide girls. Responsible corporate IT policy is to block anything that might be considered to lead to intimidating, hostile, or offensive work environment. The corporation does not define what can constitute a hostile work environment, in the worst case, a jury will. It is up to the corporation to institute policy that reduces the probability that the environment will be a hostile one. That means you pick the lowest common denominator and stick with it. In other words, block everything. If I had found someone using a proxy server to route around my company's internet controls, they would probably not be working at that company for very long. Draconian? Sure. Would that be an asshole thing to do? Yeah. Would my butt be on the line if someone caught some jerk compulsively masturbating to boobies links on Fark, even after I had instituted a filtering policy? Hell yeah. Am I more interested in feeding my kids than feeding someone's porn addiction? Affirmative.

Simply put, there are rules for behavior at work, it's not my fault work is no fun any more. Blame it on the feminists, blame it on the lawyers, blame it on the government, I don't care. You want the money, follow the rules, or go somewhere else to get your money.

Now all that being said, when you're at home, you can do whatever the hell you want. I could care less. Unless you are one of my kids, that is.

So bottom line, I support resistance against net-censorship, book censorship, TV and Film censorship, Press censorship and any attack on free speech by any country or religion or quasi-governmental group, the illuminati, Masons, KofC, anybody.

So here's your BoingBoing link, but don't pull any of this crap to get around your corporate filters, or you will get fired. And you will deserve it.

Well, you can eat them......


They're just a little rubbery.

Don't eat the frozen burritos......

In Pittsburgh.

Burning Down the house......

Sunday morning the Beast woke maddmom and me around six in the morning. He came into the room talking to himself, getting his story straight. Then he finally spills it, he had dumped a packet of instant oatmeal into a bowl, popped it into the microwave and hit the number 5, which automatically sets it to cook for five minutes. By the time he had his story straight and woke us up the first floor of the house was full of smoke and the microwave was trashed. It was really good of him not to try and open the microwave door, because he could have been really hurt and I'm really impressed that he came up to get us and didn't panic, I would have panicked when I was four. That being said, what the hell was he doing? What the hell time did he get up? How in the hell did he reach the microwave? I'm just totally freaked. There is no way to keep your kids safe, no way. I could put the new microwave up on a higher shelf, maybe, not too high, maddmom isn't as tall as I am. I could hide the food, tie the kid into his bunk, what the hell else?

So anyway, the house was full of smoke, but none of the smoke detectors were going off. So again, I'm freaked. We could have all died. Probably the only case of death by oatmeal that didn't involve a toilet. How do you explain that to St Peter? Sorry man, i didn't think the four year old would get up before dawn and decide to make himself some oatmeal. I also thought the smoke detectors were working, I'm sorry, OK? I didn't mean to die like this! I was supposed to be eaten by raccoons! Don't send me to Purgatory! I can't stand harp music. Let me live Pete! LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

So we had a pretty good conversation with The Beast, took all of four seconds before he made the whole circut of the fishbowl and wanted to watch Wallace and Gromit. He won't do that again.

So the microwave is down for the count. Need a new one. Now we have an issue. Simply put, do we buy a new microwave just like the old one, or tear out the whole kitchen so we can get a microwave that has a range hood built-in.

Don't laugh. Because as we stood shivering in our smoke filled kitchen, with every window and door in the house open at six o'clock in the morning, we realized that if we moved the microwave, we'd lose a wall cabinet, and hey, there's an issue with the floor. If we put in a new floor, we'll lose another cabinet. If we lose that cabinet, we'll have two big holes where we used to have cabinets, can we get away with not fixing the floor? So we look at the floor.

The fridge is leaking. Where the hell is the fridge leaking from? So I try to move the fridge. Can't move the fridge without removing the cabinet. I remove the cabinet. Now we have the hole I didn't want to begin with, and when I moved the fridge, which wasn't really leaking, I bitched up the water-logged floor.
This morning, my wife shows me that the garbage disposal, that I had previously fixed, is leaking again, and the cabinet under the sink stinks to high heaven.

So picture if you will, my kitchen. All white cabites, now yellowed with age, several gaps where useful cabinets used to be, a floor coated with years of waxy build up and when the doors are opened, a horrible smell erupts.

In short, my kitchen looks like, well.......


Think this guy's studying Maritime logistics?

Don't try and talk to me Sunday...


I'll be busy.

Go 'Cats!

Home again, Home again....


So I got home last night around 10. Nice to be home. Comair did not lose my bags, plane was on time and the new car will go faster than 65. So things were good. Except...

I had a full day scheduled today, so I didn't really get to see anyone, and it isn't like you can be late to work when your commute is approximately 13 steps. So the more I thought about working today the more ticked off I got, because (insert whine here). So anyway, I was not in a good mood this morning.

But two things happened, I got an email from my wife, and Skippy said "shoe".

Nothing like a sappy email and a cute kid to break your bad mood. My 4:00 cancelled and I'm going to get the kids pizza, root beer and a movie and we'll all watch it together on the couch.


So the other day I get about fifty undeliverables in my email for mail that I never sent. All of it was sent to some people who I used to work with, I don't even have these addresses in my Contacts any more. OK, I figure, quick virus scan on every PC I use. All clean. Then, while I'm in New Hampshire, I get an email from a friend who used to work for the same company. This goes to my work email, because I still keep in touch with this guy. He forwards me a copy of an email he got "from me" that says, in effect, "look what I'm saying about you on my blog." Given the fact that I've never mentioned him or that job on my blog, and he knows this because he visits maybe once a year, he figured I was being spoofed.

I was being spoofed, of course, that's why all of the undeliverables. I thought some crawler had picked out my gmail address from some comment form out there on the intarweb and used it to spam a mail list that was way out of date since evidently the company I used to work for changed it's domain name and didn't leave a pointer. I didn't think anything of it until I looked at the undeliverable and they were all the same message that my friend got. So, I figured, blogger screwed up, then I figured I had better find out who was sending the mail. I was in meetings all this week, so my friend took a little time and checked the headers of the message and sure enough, the moron sending the mail was bouncing it off of the the internet gateway of a contracting company that me and my friend worked for about ten years ago now. From there it was pretty easy to figure out who worked with us at the contracting company and also at the company that was getting the spoofed mail and also knew my friends private email address. To make matters worse, I got some mis-addressed mail in my gmail account, AND someone tried to re-set my Blogger password, forgetting, I guess that Blogger does it by email. I figure that was my team member off at camp. These were probably unrelated incidents, but enough to make me a little more paranoid than normal.

So, I stopped sharing my profile and removed my iconized email address from my sidebar, so maybe people will comment instead of emailing me. I also got together with my friend and called the guy who was spoofing my email. He thought he was being funny, I told him if I caught him doing it again, I'd drive down there and break his freaking neck. What kind of sick freak looks up someone he hasn't seen in ten years, only worked with for like six days total, and who didn't like him? Then spoofs his address and mails people I hadn't even thought of in years? A freakin' stalker, that's who.

The guy said he found my blog by accident, but that's tough to believe. There are at least two people out there with my exact name, one is a famous actor and one is a famous IP lawyer for Microsoft. Google me, you get them. I like that. As far as my "maddad" handle, google that, you get some guy who posts on porn sites. I only picked maddad as a name because my kid pulled the "angry dad" stunt from the Simpsons, long story, funny, but embarrassing. So how did he know it was me? For all he knew I was still living in Atlanta.


PS: I just ran spell check and found out that I misspelled "friend" every time I typed it. That and blogger spell-check suggests "foreskin" for "freakin". Weird.

So Somebody's interested in me...


I hid my profile again today.

Gonna have to quit this.

I know what you are doing.

Now you can knock it off.

Water water, everywhere...


The bottle of water in my hotel room is only $2.50. I'm impressed. The exact same brand and size bottle of water was $4.00 in the last hotel I was in. Interesting. I was thinking of drinking this one until I realized that I could use the bio breaks in my meeting to stash meeting munchies and bottles of water in my bag. So now I have a full mini fridge without paying a dime. SUCK ON IT (name of major hotel chain redacted)!!!

I'm a little skeeved because on the news there was a story on the news about a girl who did a science project on the amount of bacteria in the ice at fast food restaraunts. Evidently, the water in the toilets at these places was cleaner than the ice. That brought to mind a story my wife likes to tell about how dirty ice at Franklin Field gave the entire crowd at a University of Pennsylvainia football game the shits. That year it was the "Fightin' to keep it down Quakers." And that got me thinking about my hotel routine. One of the first things I do when I get to a hotel is to get a huge bucket of ice so I can drink the little bottles of airplane water that Comair hands out. So now almost everything about hotels skeeves me. In order:

1 The remote. oh yuck.
2 The bedspread. ew.
3 The phone. Ear infection?
5 The couch. This should be higher up the list now that I think about it.
6 The snooze button on the alarm clock. Bring your own.
7 The Kleenex tissues in the bathroom. Really, you think they change them every day?
8 The ice. Thanks girlie.

Not to mention the cameras. All of the cameras......

Does maddad have to choke a bitch?


Your Pimp Name Is...

Macktastic Dynamite

Cleric offers reward to kill cartoonist


I'll give you $25 bucks for the Cleric. More than he's worth, but you'll probably have to bribe someone in Pakistan.

Of course, I'm a hypocrite. Because last week at Mass we prayed for the death of... wait, we didn't, sorry. Let's see, what would make me a hypocrite? I know! When the Pope offered a million dollar award for the head of.... wait, that didn't happen either.

Here's a link. With the way Google's going I'll be busted for inappropriate content, but at this point, I don't care.

Interesting economic news


From the Wells Fargo Daily Advantage:

The Philadelphia Federal Reserve reported that its index of business activity in the Philly region jumped from 3.3 in January to 15.4 in February. Any reading above zero indicates growth, and one economist said today that "Manufacturing production in the entire country is running flat-out at the moment."

Good thing if you happen to work for Ford or GM. You can get picked up somewhere else. Might have to move, though, so you might need a new house.

Oh wait.....

Housing construction soared by 14% in January, the biggest monthly increase since 1973, according to the Commerce Department. So, is the housing market not softening after all?
Most observers said today that the market is softening and the January increase was a temporary anomaly sparked by the unusually warm weather.

So the market's softening and you have what could be overproduction? Your new house will be cheap.

Today's economic news seemed to support Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke, who reprised his testimony before the House of Representatives yesterday by telling a Senate committee today that the economy is healthy, inflation is still a potential threat, and the Fed will likely increase interest rates again.
But he refused to say when the rate increases would come to an end. "There are two possible mistakes," he said. "One is to go on too long, and one is to not go on long enough. It's a very difficult balancing act."

Well, maybe not that cheap.

Big Game Tonight!

Hayden has a big basketball game tonight. His team beat Rykers Ridge on Saturday. Beat them pretty well too. EO Muncie and Anderson duked it out into overtime on Saturday, great game, I hope Hayden isn't playing either one of them tonight, those teams can flat-out play and Hayden's not an evening person. Plus he's got two or three test tomorrow AND guitar lessons. Plus, the Beast has a cough that has everybody up all night and the baby has decided that this would be a good week to regress back to a 4 am feeding. We are all tired.

I really am thinking of giving up this damn thing, I caught a blurb on TV of Doogie Howser typing his diary into good old Word Perfect and cringed. I started this as a method to get around the email filter at work, share pictures and links, and rant. But I'm tired now and no one in my family can read. Evidently. They sure don't comment. AND THEY SURE AS HELL DON'T POST. YEAH COLLEGE BOY, I'M LOOKIN' AT YOU. Too busy chatting up psych majors... "Do you think I'm good looking, or really good looking? Be honest, it's for a class."

I don't know what the problem is....

...paying taxes is voluntary. You volunteer to live here, you pay.

I HATE income tax, but I pay it, and will continue to pay it until I can help vote people into office who will fix the tax system.

I've got five good reasons.

Everyone will have this link by morning


Popular Mechanics - Congressional Report On Katrina: First Look Interesting reading.

Update: Removed rant, people might think I was serious.


Discover? Discover What?

I was about an hour away from shutting down this here blog. I'm still thinking about it, but it won't be today. Why? Because I read Discover Magazine last night and I have some gripes. Hell, I read a lot over the last couple of weeks that, frankly, was just so full of shit I won't be able to eat corn without gagging for months. But Discover Magazine. How do I say it? Discover Magazine pissed me off.

There is a huge divide between smart people and people who think they are smart. To me, a smart person is someone who can take care of themselves, they don't have to know big words, they don't have to spell real well, and they don't necessarily have to have a top-notch education. I am reminded of this whenever I look at my paycheck, sometimes being smart is just a another way of saying someone knew when to get lucky.

Some people who think they are smart are actually smart. They have figured out a way to make a living by describing the work that other people do or are doing. These people are called reporters, although they like to refer to themselves as "journalists".

Journalist \Jour"nal*ist\, n. [Cf. F. journaliste.]
1. One who keeps a journal or diary. [Obs.] --Mickle.

2. The conductor of a public journal, or one whose business
it to write for a public journal; an editorial or other
professional writer for a periodical. --Addison.

I would say, this blog makes me a journalist as well. I would say that, but I don't, and I won't. Why? Because I don't have either the sense of entitlement or self satisfaction that a "journalist" has. And while I do think I'm better than you, that has mostly to do with the fact that I quit smoking, produce no sperm without a Y chromosome and am better looking than you, rather than the fact that I've figured out how to make a living doing modified book reports.

The "journalist" thinks he's better than you because, well, you're stupid.

Really, you are. Really. You might have a job, you might be fun to hang out with, but if you don't gush phrases like this:

"you're in the porch-swing of your own bones, you're settled into yourself and are just staring out at the world with a kind of awe"

Or describe your most recent work like this:

"It's so many different things at once—memoir, prose poem, rhapsody, I don't know,"

You are a cave-dwelling idiot with no appreciation of the high art that is reality-fiction. That's right, reality fiction. The real world is dramatic in completely different ways than what will hold your attention on the printed page, so most "journalists" make it up. They always have, and they always will. Here's a f'rinstance for you. I just finished a really well done book on Washington at Valley Forge published by Smithsonian books. Really well done. But I think the author went to Valley Forge maybe twice. Why? Because he repeats, almost verbatim, a story that Lafayette told about his skirmish at Matson's Ford. Lafayette was totally full of shit. How do I know? Well, Lafayette said that cannon from Valley Forge scared off the British so that Lafayette had enough time to wade his forces across the Schuylkill River. The reality is that there is no way a cannon shot from Valley Forge could scare anyone at Matson's Ford and Lafayette got lucky when the Oneida Indians allied with the Continentals and the British Dragoons scared each other shitless.

How do I know? Look at the map. Bonus points if you can find my parent's house. Or better yet, the Gulph Mills Inn (keep on rockin'). I grew up around the corner from Washington's Picket on Gulph Road, right by the hanging rock. In what used to be an apple orchard. Hint for the Map, Swedes Ford is in Norristown.

So, you're probably wondering what's up with the blocked quotes up there, well, I'll get to that, but it has a lot to do with my next f'rinstance. All you have to do to make someone feel like a total idiot is to take something that people have been taught all of their lives and write a book about how it's full of shit. Yep. Write a book called "What You Don't Know About Peeing Standing Up" and you'll get the freakin' Pulitzer Prize and probably have the law that bans stand-up peeing named after you.

I read another scholarly tome on the Revolution, called "What They Didn't Teach You About The American Revolution" and evidently what they didn't teach me was that the battles Trenton and Princeton happened after Washington took the Continental Army into winter quarters in Morristown, New Jersey. Interesting to know that Christmas of 1776 took place in June of 1777. We're also informed that the winter in Morristown (who's town motto really is, "We Suffered More") was was where Washington really got his act together. Right. Let's face it, the only reason they suffered more in Morristown was because they were stuck in New Jersey in the time before traffic circles, thus, no diners. And New Jersey without diners? Hell on earth.

Seriously, all the winters in the 1700's were terrible, we were in the middle of one of the worst periods of the little Ice Age. A period of extremely cold climate caused by not enough people buying enough gas, hence the Masons start the American Revolution, so that General Motors can be created and build SUVs and the climate can be warmed up again, with the bonus of a few foreign wars. All true, look it up. I read it in "What They Didn't Teach You About Your 401k".

Now, both of these books were written by historians. People who make their living reading and writing history books and supposedly relying on honest-to-God primary source material. They made some cheap-ass mistakes, even though I liked the Valley Forge Book a lot, the cheap ass mistake sorta ruined it for me. So what do you think happens when we take the train from Primary Source land to I read it on the internet land? You get people feeding you unadulterated bullshit disguised as history, fact, law, religion or science.

Sometimes, as is the case of Global Warming and Secondhand Smoke, all of them at once.

More often, you get a guy with an agenda writing stories about people who are researching history, science, law, news or religion in a way that fits his agenda.
If they end up writing articles about people who are doing research that doesn't fit their agenda they write dismissive tripe that usually depends on sarcasm and ad-hominem attacks. These articles are just the greatest, even though they are usually written by pedophiles.

Discover Magazine' latest issue has as it's cover story "Are viruses the mother of all life? Unintellegent Design." Clever, right? Viruses are stupid. So isintelligentt Design, I can dig that. I'm Catholic, and Catholics don't go in forintelligentt design. Unfortunately, the shit for brains I quoted up above, the author of the story on the Mimivirus, a big ass virus that some scientists think might be evidence that large DNA viruses like the Mimivirus somehow created the cell nucleus. Just, by accident. OK, great, I had no problem with that. What I had a problem with was thislittlee quote on the Contributors page at the front of the magazine:

"It's probable something similar was the first form of cellular life, so in an age where we still have people believing inintelligentt Design and the Immaculate Conception, that's kind of a wake-up call."

So here we have a guy writing an article about how viruses may be the beginnings of cellular life, and somehow this not only defeats the theory ofintelligentt design, but should also really make Catholics think twice about the Virgin Mary being born without Original Sin. Buy a book, shithead.

Would it be unChristian of me to say that this douchebag needs a good cockpunch? Get your bigotry straight please. It's fine for you to disagree with some specific published theories ofintelligentt design, because, quite simply, some of them are just creationism in scientific drag. But to say that because a couple of scientists think that a couple of billion years ago, by a completely improbable accident, a proto-virus and a proto cell got together and formed the basis for all life on Earth, and that this is proof that there is no basis for any belief in any higher power having any hand in any of this, is a bit of an overstatement, don'tcha think?

There is a name for those supremely improbable accidents that happen and continue to happen against all odds and scientific reason, they are called miracles. Believe in 'em or don't, I don't give a shit, but until you can tell me where the proto-virus came from and how it got the idea to do what it did, gimme a break about this proving anything about God or creation.

So what the hell was I getting at? I honestly can't remember, I've been interrupted about eighty times while typing this manifesto, but one thing I know, Bob Guccione Jr's Discover Magazine has more asses showing in it this month than his daddy's rag. And that's not a good thing. If you don't like gratuitous swipes at those damn Xians, don't bother reading Discover. I'm switching out my subscription with Consumer Reports. At least I know that's all opinion.



No. 4 Villanova knocks off No. 1 UConn I saw part of the first half up to the break, it was 33-32 Villanova and it looked like 'nova was keeping Uconn behind the three point arc on almost every play. Digger Phelps agreed with me, then it was bath time and I had to put the boys to bed, but it felt like a win at the half.

Just a thought....


Now that Cheney is shooting Republican lawyers, will his poll numbers go up?

Seriously though, I'm getting really good conspiracy vibes off of this one. I can't wait.

Burn M@#*&%$@*&%^r, Burn.

And I like Cheney, he reminds me of the guy who taught me Algebra. But I can't resist a good conspiracy.

The worst word in the language

Jeremy Clarkson

Cheney shoots man

just to watch him die.

Rolling Piles of Horse Poop


Report: White House Knew About Levees So did I, what the hell is the point? What was Fema supposed to do? Fill the holes in the levee with sleeping bags and MRE's? Fix the pumps with insurance forms and loan papers?

If the President knew the levees were broke, I think that makes it almost possible that the Governor knew that the levees had broke, right? That would be a good time for the National guard to move in. Right?

This is such a bullshit article. Yes maybe if Bush had done something right then, there wouldn't be 30,000 dead people floating in the streets in New Orleans.

Oh, wait. There aren't 30,000 dead people floating in the streets of New Orleans.

Gaaa, this is so transparent. Why not just say what you really want to say, why put us through this.

Here, I'll do it for you:

"I don't like George Bush and I don't think he should be President, therefore anything that goes wrong is his fault and since there is nothing going right, despite any experiences you may have to the contrary, that means everything is going wrong. Oh yeah, Halliburton!"

If I was this guy, when I left office, I'd retire to my ranch, be very, very quiet, and wait for my very own '68 comeback special. My speaking tour of Colleges in the mid-west, where I would be perfectly candid about the press, the opposition party and the political appointees who stabbed me in the back, then I'd give everyone the finger and burn my archives.

Now just think about it, look at the political scene right now, both sides of the aisle. Go on, now be very honest, who would you want to be the next President? Who?

Here's my prediction: The next President will be a ball-less toe-sucker who gets rolled over by an evenly divided, power mad Congress, everything from 2 wheeled bicycles to inner-spring mattresses will be outlawed as too dangerous, the drinking age will be raised to 23, smokers will be shot on site by the only people who are allowed to own guns, the Special Congressional Tobacco Police. Any business that is owned by a white male will have to pay a "diversity tax", Fidel Castro will be elected to the Senate by New York. Anyone showing ID at a polling place will be arrested for ethnic intimidation, ID will be required for every purchase of carbonated soft drinks. States will bet their entire education budget on the Wal-Mart settlement. GM, USAir, and Delta will merge and go bankrupt and their pensioners will become the largest expenditure of the federal government. A new chain of "GM" hospitals will be built across the nation to take care of "our beloved veterans of the auto and airline industry". Japan will have enough of this shit and invade Iran, North Korea will collapse as a result. Jimmy Carter will get another Nobel Prize. Anyone who makes between $100 and $500 per year, born after 1970, and not in the entertainment or news business will have their income taxed at a floating percentage to bring their yearly take-home down to the national average. No one will have any idea who John Galt is. The UN will declare its Legislative authority over the EU, the EU will roll over and take it. The Vatican will object due to the provision that outlaws all religions but Islam, Italy will annex the Vatican and put the next anti-pope, Pope Muhammad the 1st, on the throne of Peter. Benedict will hide out in Brazil. Target will move their corporate offices to Hong Kong to avoid prosecution under the Wal-Mart laws that require cart-pushers to make 85% of the salary, including stock options, of the President and CEO. Bryn Mawr and Haverford will join Bennington College to become the first colleges in the country to require all incoming freshman to have a documented consensual homosexual experience. (No, they don't now as far as I know) No one will be allowed to have children unless both parents agree to work out of the home so that children with single parents won't feel left out. Unemployment will hit 20%. Someone will get off on a murder charge because the deceased damaged the murderer's self esteem. Boys will be required to take an extra half-year of instruction before high school where they will be taught that girls are their intellectual, physical and moral superiors who must be obeyed, unless you are a muslim, those women you can pretty much abuse at will, unless you are not a Muslim man, in which case you will have your house burned down and your sister murdered for insulting Islam by looking at or talking to a muslim woman, the flower of the world, although they are nothing but trouble and may lead us into lust therefore they may not drive.

Arrgh. I gotta get to work

The unspellable month


This one. February. Bleah. Bleah. Whooo. I'm in the dumps today.

Wrote a big post about some news I heard just the other day that turned out to be really old news, so the post is in the dafts, probably never to be resurrected along with the fifty or so flash games from the last election. It's a shame, because it was a good post. I have about six posts in my drafts that I add to and edit and then save to my drafts again, I'll probably never get them on the page. One's about career, one's about me and another's about religion. The others try to be funny and aren't. But I keep trying anyway.

Got my cable bill yesterday and nearly had a heart attack. Evidently my year of slightly less expensive cable is up and now I am back to a regular old-fashioned ass-raping. Yes, I said it. When it comes to cable I'm a bottom, even if I don't want to be. Sorry if it offends, but I only get 65 channels, I counted last night, and they want me to pay about $.76 per channel. Riiiiiiight. So I called and complained. The cable companies' answer? There was a rate increase. Really, that's what they told me. A rate increase. A $23 per month rate increase. So I cajoled them into giving me the three-month intro rate, so I have 3 months to find cheaper TV. URGH. Cafeteria Cable is the only way to go. I don't care if we lose the golf channel, or the pet channel or the gay channel, or ESPN 3 through 6. Hell, I don't have any local channels as it is. All I need is Comedy Central, Nickelodeon, the Cartoon Network, Fox Sports (the Sports List with Summer Sanders. rowr. Yes, rowr.), History, the Weather Channel and HGTV. I'm done.

The house is slowly getting clean again. One of the issues I have with DIY projects is the mess. I am a tool slob. I leave my tools everywhere when I am doing a project. When I am finished, I'll clean them up, but nowadays the projects never get finished, so they never get put away. So what? Well, it got cold again and I've been outside scraping the car windows in the morning instead of backing out of the garage in a nice, ice-free auto. Damn you Norm Abrams.

For Hayden's birthday we had an ice cream cake with green icing. VERY green icing. I won't tell you what else has been green, because you already know.

Lost my Superbowl bet, had to take two friends to the Comeback Inn in Jeffersonville, Indiana the other day. Had the Italian beef sandwich topped with a grilled Italian sausage with marinara on the side. Good stuff. I'm not really sold on the Jeffersonville place though, the sandwich seems to be better in the Louisville restaraunt. Gaa, too much food. It's February and my diet has gone to hell.

Speaking of going to hell, it's almost Lent, right? That should get the diet moving.

Speaking of Lent, my wife is offended by the Bicardi and Coke commercials because the actor who plays Bicardi is White and the Coke guy is Black. Doesn't bother me, what bothers me is that Diet Coke is a little person. Shouldn't he be an Ethiopian? I mean the little person who plays Diet Coke isn't super slim, which is what I think of when I think Diet. Of course he does have a terribly tacky track suit on, and bad taste does make me think of Diet Coke, so maybe they're on to something after all.

And what the hell is it with advertising Bicardi and Diet Coke as some sort of amazing low carb\low calorie miracle drink? How many carbs are in a Scotch on the rocks? How about a Gin and Tonic? If I wanted something that tasted like crap but still got me drunk I'd drink Listerine. Not a hell of a lot of calories in Listerine either.

Oh there's more, but you don't want to hear it.

Things I didn't know about American Communism:


Actually, the nuns did a pretty good job, then I had a crazy Hungarian for 7th Grade Latin. But it's nice when you see it all laid out like this. Again, read this for a better picture of Soviet infiltration of America

Big 5 Champs Baby

When was the last time you saw the Big 5 in mainstream news?

Maybe I'm not such a conspiracy theorist.

Or maybe we all are. Read this

Are they after the cake or the knife?

Feeding time at the zoo.

We had a birthday yesterday. The Prince turned 11. After a wonderful home cooked meal, out came the ice cream cake. You would've thought these kids had never had a desert in their lives.

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For those about to rock!

Happy Birthday.

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Reuters AlertNet - Gaza shopkeeper stocks up on Danish flags to burn This is obviously a fake story. But lets face it, it's a great idea and I had it first.

Neil Young sucks


I agree, but leave it toJack Sparks to review the new Neil Young.

When the fear of death creeps over most older men, Bill, they go buy a new car. That's what Neil should have done.

To me, Neil's best album was the Rockabilly album he put out in the early eighties to annoy his label. I really liked that one.

I've figured it out.

So the day after Iran gets sent to the Security Council Muslims in Syria and Lebanon go apeshit. Does anyone really think this is all about editorial cartoons? Really?

I've deduced that the super secret to making money that you see in all of those late night Infomercials is an opportunity to open a Flags of the World franchise in a select Middle Eastern country. Really, you can make a bundle. When was the last time you went to Wal-Mart to buy a Danish flag?

Seriously, where do you get a Danish flag in Syria? Legoland? Is there a Legoland in Syria? Lebanon? Do they sell Danish flags?

No, you need to go to Flags of the World to get your flags of infadel nations. Available in plain or pre-soaked for easy burning.

I'm going to be rich!

Words I never thought I'd say


I'm retaining water.

How embarassing is this? In the interests of lower life and health insurance pemiums I quit smoking a couple of years ago. Didn't matter that I only smoked at most, at a party or a bar or something, that is to say, rarely, five butts a day. I bought in to all of the hype that cigarette smoke caused everything from ingrown toenails to stupid grandkids to the hole in the ozone layer. Not to mention the scientific FACT that second hand smoke causes tooth decay in the antarctic warf rat. So I quit, cold turkey, I felt like it is why, really. So what happened? Instead of being a moderately active 190 pound six footer almost within reach of a government regulated "perfect" BMI, I gained 30 pounds in about five months. Let's just say that did nothing to help my premiums.

So I decided to lose the weight and start exercising, and four months after I made that decision I did, in fact, start exercising. It took me a while, but eventually I was down to 190 again, with a much lower percentage of body fat than I have had at any point in my life. Then I moved and got a new job. I've continued to work out pretty regularly, but this fall my diet took a nose dive and I'm back to around 200. I stay at somewhere between 195 and 200 prety regular now, but I'd like to get lower. Well, I did. I pushed myself and Monday I was at 193. I was psyched. I was on a winning streak, I was eating right and looking good. I was, in a sentance, turning into a teenaged girl.

Wednesday night, with a lot of stuff going on, we had KFC for dinner. Thursday, I had potato chips for lunch. This morning, my double chin covers my belly button and my wedding ring is cutting into my finger.

I quit. I give up. I have decided that men should be men, eat steak, drink beer and smoke cigars and have big square asses like they did in those old cowboy movies. The BMI is a cruel plot created by the same cabal of pissed off bitches who created "casual Friday" just so they could hear men say "I have nothing to wear."

Men used to have one decision to make, do I have a tie with no spots on it? Now I have to worry about shit matching. Hell, you used to be able to LET OUT your pants if you got a little heavy. It was a sign of success. You only needed two suits with two pairs of pants each, now? Crap, I give up.

The next great movie event.


Top Gun Brokeback Squadron

OK Everyone's seen it, right?

Brokeback to the future


Friday I had to listen to some lady in the airport spout off about how lousy the economy was. Then I was watching some comedian on TV make jokes about how the President is telling us how great the economy is doing but it's really doing lousy, he got huge applause. It might have been an awards show or something, not sure, don't care. All I'm saying is that these people are seriously misguided. Here's a quote from the AP today :
"December's jobless rate was down from November's 5.0 percent rate."

How do you go down from 5%? That was "Full Employment" in the go-go 90's.

Of course, it's nott all good news,
"The glory days of surging productivity that kept labor costs down look to be behind us," said Joel Naroff, chief economist at Naroff Economic Advisors

That's from the same story. Now let me ask you a question. Is the wage pressure here based on productivity? Or could it be based on extremely low unemployment? Let's face it, if I needed to hire someone, I'd have to pay them more now than I would have last year, there's less people to go around.

Now I know someone's going to tell me that GM's going broke and Ford just fired a billion people. Well, here are January's numbers. Looks like Toyota did just fine. I'm not worried about a realignment in the auto business. It means I get better cars. Market pressure. When GM starts making cars that people want to buy, people will buy them. And they have to build cars, not trucks, not minivans, cars.

I'm going on record, right here, that the Pontiac G6 is nothing more than a warmed -over Grand Am. It sucks, it's ugly, it's too small, and the two I drove over the last two weeks rattled like a 1972 Karmann Gia. Without having the class.

Why I don't use Credit Cards


Well, except for work. And someday I'm sure that will bite me in the ass too. It's not that I think Credit Cards are a bad business, I don't. Those companies make a lot of money and pay a lot of people. The problem is in the way the transactions are handled. Read this and be frightened. Then go buy Dave Ramsey's book. (grrrrrrrr.)

One good thing about Minneapolis

Is Jack Sparks. Agree, disagree, whatever. The man can write, and has good taste in music.

The Gourds flat out rock and I want this new album.

School days


It's Catholic school's Week. Which means that every free moment that My wife and I might have is being spent at the kid's school "volunteering". Tonight is the Chili supper, it's Cincinnati style chili, which is called "spaghetti" everywhere else in the world, and it's not particularly good spaghetti at that. I would like some real chili someday, but it's a pain in the rear to make. Speaking of a pain in the rear, my father and I tiled my bathroom on Saturday, and I finished the grout and caulk Monday morning. Whoo-hoo. Looks good. What is not good is the toilet issue. We have a perfectly good toilet. It does its job. The poop goes down and the flowers get tall. The world is happy. But we "need" a new toilet. A toilet with a flush so powerful that it comes with a warning to flush with the bathroom door open less you die from asphyxiation due to all of the air being sucked out of the room. Thus, I have carried the old toilet to the garage. I bought the new toilet. I carried it upstairs. It was the wrong toilet. I carried it downstairs and put it in the car. I hauled the old toilet back up the stairs. I was told we would not be re-installing the horrible old toilet, so I carried it downstairs again.

Toilets are heavy.

I left the old toilet in the garage and returned the new toilet to the store and ordered a new toilet to carry up the stairs at some future date. Hopefully not too far down the line, but just far enough out that my balls are no longer in my socks.

So the old toilet is in the garage, we are all using the boys bathroom, which smells like the Girard Ave. station on the Broad Street subway. Our garage does too, since the beast saw the toilet in the garage and peed in it. Twice.