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Poop ( A lost post from last year)


So I "upgraded" to Blogger Beta, and now I find not only comments, but whole posts floating out there in the ether. I'll check 'em out and if they still make any sense (as if they ever did) I'll post them. This one is from LAST FREAKING OCTOBER! It's also about a subject near and dear to my heart.

Crap. Shit. Dropping the kids off at the pool. Giving birth to a Texan. Law school graduation. Whatever you call it my life seems to revolve around it. The second post on this blog was about it and I've been averaging about one post per quarter on or about poo.

Some people have even commented that I have shit for brains.

This morning I was awakened from the sleep of the dead by a little boy with a fourty-year-old man's turd in his diaper. A smell so vicious it was just about more than I could bear and almost made it impossible for me to fake sleep long enough for maddmom to get out of bed and change him. She carried that diaper all through the house and dropped it outside the garage door and told one of the boys to go outside and stick it in the trash. That took about twenty minutes and in that time the entire house filled up with a green haze that was just now beginning to abate. So then the cat crapped.

Now I have had this cat since college and it's a miserable bitchy pain in the ass, but it never used to stink. Now it stinks. It never goes outside anymore, and for a small cat it can shit like a mountain lion on Benefiber. It just did. My office is one door down from the utility room where the catbox lives and there are times when working in here is like working in the third stall down in the Southeast corner bathroom at the 8th and Market train station in Philly. Without the obvious benefit of a glory hole.

Now this post has been building up for a couple of days, because yesterday I went in the powder room to pee only to find a three-quarters digested humpback whale floating in the bowl. The absence of TP revealed the culprit to be the Beast, who I had seen earlier not wearing pants. A quick yell, wipe and flush later I was able to finish my business and get to work. Until about 2 o'clock when the older boys came home, and the Prince locked himself in the powder room and dropped a MOAB on the kitchen. I'm moving the hell out.


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