9:30 in the morning and I've already had
1) angry customer call (fixed his issue)
1) call to Unilever to find out what's in All Fabric Refresher (nothing bad, it turns out)
1) call to the Poison Control Center (told me to call Unilever)
1) Massive milk spill
And I think I folded and put away dirty laundry. maddmom is at yoga, I hope she's relaxed.
That's all you get today. I quit.
Papers call it a suicide attempt. But the only kind of suicide he's commiting is career suicide.
Dallas is the best place for him.
Not to me either, behold the power of children's Tylenol.
Skippy here is sick. He's got bird flu or SARS or West Nile or something. He's been miserable since Saturday night. But, since he's a kid, he only feels crummy and cries is when I want to eat, sleep or have a conversation with another adult. Otherwise, it's happy happy play time.
The bruises on my legs have turned a wonderful shade of purple and have quit hurting, which means I have to do yesterday's skipped workout today and I don't want to. Looks like I'll have to take a month or two off from working out while we are remodeling. My contraption is just too big and I want to use the extra space in my office to store crap while the roof is torn off. On the plus side, since we won't be able to afford food, I'm sure to lose weight. Success never seemed so easy!
It's end of the quarter at work, the remodel is on the way and I am beginning to get pretty stressed out. So no deep thoughts here for a while. Really, as if.
I did have a deep thought over the big Clinton melt-down over the weekend. My tip, who cares? Of course he fucked up, if he hadn't fucked up, we wouldn't have had the problem we had, would we? As far as blaming the guy for 9/11, you can't. I think any sane person would agree.
Did he do everything he could have done to kill bin Laden? No. Would killing bin Laden have stopped 9/11? Probably not. Did he do enough to try and disrupt Al-Queda? No, definitely not. Would that have stopped 9/11? Maybe, who knows?
My point is, Americans had been being killed by terrorists for years. Every administration had used some kind of cost/benefit analysis to decide how to respond to terrorism against America, mostly we did nothing. Ford, Carter, Reagan, Bush1, Clinton, and the first eight months of Bush2. The policy back then was to pretty much ignore terrorist attacks, and treat terrorists we caught as criminal masterminds instead of what they are, members of a psychotic cult that need to be exterminated. We did not treat terrorism like the threat it really was, not because we didn't see it as a threat, but because we didn't see it as enough of a threat to get into diplomatic trouble over, and we were wrong. Doesn't mean that Bill Clinton is to blame for 9/11, or that Bush is to blame for 9/11. the assholes who came up with 9/11, the assholes who financed Al-queda, the dictators who encouraged anti-American sentiment in order to distract from their own massive inhumanity are to blame.
And if you really want to know who I personally blame for 9/11, I'll tell you. It's a list, in order.
Lee Harvey Oswald
Someday I'll tell you why, but the answer is obvious if you just look. (and no, it's not a conspiracy theory)
In short, we may have known something was coming, we didn't know what, or who, or where it was going to happen. Better to focus on things we can be absolutely sure about, things that are easily predictable. Predictions that are 100% reliable, unquestioned and have the backing of not only the scientific community, but the religious as well. Something that we can do something about.
Sudden Global Climate Change.
This is part of maddmom's great adventure. Almost 1400 board feet of Brazilian Walnut flooring bought at auction on Saturday. A whole pallet. I put half of it here and the rest of it there.
We are starting our remodel just as soon as we can, loan came through, picked a contractor and maddmom went to Peak auction and bought all of the doors, windows, tile and the above mentioned floors for a relative song.
So all we have to do now is let some total strangers in, give them all of our money and let them finish the job of taking our house to pieces. Then let's hope they get it back together before maddmom and I get divorced.
Incidentally, I had to unload all of that wood on Saturday night. 5120 lbs of Amazon hardwood. I have huge bruises on my thighs where I was bumping the bundles up off the pallet, I look like a powerlifter. Except for the muscles, steroid acne and large belt.
I can already tell this is going to be fun.
The President of Iraq sent a letter to the people of the US the other day. But a couple of boys were off their Ritalin and disrupting class, so you didn't hear about it.
Skippy just came into my office to inform me that the Doodlebops wanted to thank me. I asked him if they meant me personally and he said yes.
Isn't that nice of them.
Goddamn freaks. Whatever happened to real music, like the Banana Splits, the Bugaloos, Josie and the Pussy cats, or Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm?
All I can say is, damn. Open up your heart and let the sunshine in man!
CA Attorney General files suit against the "Big Six" carmakers for damages due to Global Warming.
I would like to file a counter-suit to reclaim court costs from this asshole.
I would like to file another suit against California to reclaim the inflated property insurance premium that I am forced to pay because the state of california cannot implement proper zoning laws that forbid people from
1) building in known earthquake zones.
2) building houses in known brush-fire prone areas.
3) building houses on unstable ocean-side lots
4) building houses on unstable denuded hillsides
5) building convienience stores in riot-prone areas
I would also like to file a suit against California for
1) Not forcing a no-growth initiative on the city of Los Angeles, causing a water shortage in most of the Southwest US.
2) Refusing to change the emission laws to allow diesel cars. This has artificially stunted the market for higher-mileage diesel autos in North America and caused US consumers to not have a real choice at the dealers. This has caused the US to consume an ever-increasing amount of gasoline as Californians have skewed the market. California has the most cars per capita in the US, in fact there are more cars per household than licensed drivers.
3) California is home to a corporation that was allowed by license to produce the Billy Bob Thornton movie "Bad Santa". This is an affront to the dignity of all Americans who have had no choice but to watch this peice of crap. In fact, the only alternative was to watch re-runs of "Gimme a Break", another product of the California entertainment industry. The lingering effects of viewing "Gimme a Break" can best be shown by the number of prescriptions for Viagra, Cialis and other drugs to combat erectile dysfunction in men. In short watching "Gimme a Break" will make your dick shrivel. "Bad Santa" makes you want to beat the crap out of the front desk clerk at the hotel you are staying in because there's nothing good on TV. This could cause the viewer of "Bad Santa" to incurr serious financial injury to himself and possibly his employer. The State of California is directly responsible for the granting of a license to make "Bad Santa" and should be held liable for any damages, real or perceived.
maddmom has finally settled on a contractor to do the remodel on the McMahonsion. Cool, so today I applied for a loan at a full 2.5% over our first mortgage. Not enough Preperation H in the world to sooth this baby.
On the bright side I get to replace another outdoor spigot, since the boys turned it on and it filled the drop ceiling in the basement full of water. Cooooooool water (water).
So, I'm going to end up with a new bedroom, a new master bath, a couple of walls removed and a hell of a lot of work that we've agreed to do on our own.
I get to re-tile the master bath and shower, re-paint the entire house, and put down hardwood floors. In return the contractor gets all my money and the use of my wife's brain for the next three months.
Just the brain.
My TV has fallen off the list. I'm not supposed to have noticed.
I'm going to schedule on-site meetings every week so I can stay in nice clean hotels while all of this work is going on, until and unless I get my TV.
The space heaters I'm using to dry out the carpet have caused the temperature in my office to rise alarmingly, my nuts are sweating. I gotta go.
Soccer tonight with the boys, yahoo.
Last night I was out watching Monday Night
A lot of the people I meet are jealous that I get to work from home, but as you can see from yeaterday's post, it's sometimes nice to get away to an office, just so you can piggyback on company resources. But anyway, aside from one guy asking me if i had time to run for mayor (riiiight) the question I heard the most was, "Do you work in your underwear?".
That answer is no....t yet. I have worked in pajamas and sweats and shorts and have gone several days without showering or shaving if I have nothing scheduled outside of work. My wife is thrilled. But looming on the horizon is real high-speed internet video conferencing. You know, the stuff you see on TV. Where Mom is looking at her laptop and watching her kids take a bath in real-time. Right.
Anyway, even though I think most video conferences are stupid, I know it's coming, and I thought it was going to really cramp my style.
Until I met these guys, obviously, the smartest people in the world. I can't tell you what it meant when I read the words
"The Businessbib allows you to look perfectly put-together in a fraction of the time it takes to boot your computer. You can work from home in your underwear while presenting a polished appearance to the people that matter most. Using a simple abbreviated design of the traditional business suit eliminates the time and effort that goes into primping for more formal meetings. It frees your time and allows you to continue uninterrupted with your casual lifestyle.".
Now I can still be a total slob and look good on my Internet meetings. I'm psyched. The true miracle of the modern age isn't that someone needs to look at my smiling face while I talk instead of looking at the damn powerpoint slides I spent all morning preparing, no, it's that someone had the idea to make the businessbib.
I love you guys.
You know the more I think of it the more I think video conferencing is really stupid. I was watching some show, I think it was "Supervolcano" on TV the other night and they had all the main characters in this "situation room" with a big video screen on the wall, and they kept switching from person to person while they were talking. I have no idea why anyone would sit in front of a video camera to talk to their boss while the world was busy melting. I mean, what, no cell? And the guy had a bluetooth headset on! So he's sitting in a chair, staring at a camera, talking on a hands-free phone while a volcano erupts behind him.
Even better, this crash team of scientists needed to see what was happening in the air so they could divert planes, so they scramble jet fighters and...that's right, up on the screen go the big jet fighter flying heads. Of course, the guy flying the plane had a full-face mask on.
I don't know about you, but if my boss calls while I'm flying a jet fighter into a giant cloud of vocanic ash, I'm not going to load Netmeeting and speak into the camera. I'm probably not going to answer at all.
When I worked for the unnamed HUGE CORPORATION I used to have a weekly video conference with the other members of my team, there were people in three other cities, we all used to link up and that was cool, but not neccessary, we spent most of the time on mute playing games with the zoom. One of out favorite games was Is That a Zit? and then there was the ever popular Who Has Cleavage Showing Today, but nothing important ever happened on a video conference.
So, let's sum up, I found the smartest guys in the world on the Intertubes and video conferences are for looking at boobs.
There you go.
Blackberry broke, landline phone broke, VMware product demos broke.
Blackberry is also wireless phone, so I lost a customer in the middle of a conference call. Blackberry screen still showed connected. I talked for ten minutes thinking he was on mute.
My headset broke last week. Skippy pulled it off of my head.
maddmom wanted me to go to McDonalds with the boys. It's 5:30 and I have to re-install my test system, fill it with data and buy a new headset and phone. By 9 AM.
At an office I'd have backups and landlines galore. I'd open a ticket for the Blackberry and be done.
I'd be "home" earlier than I will be tonight.
I needed to work out and I was invited to go watch Monday Night Football with some friends.
Woe is me. Wousy wousy woo woo.
But damn, I'm stressed.
The filter was clogged on Friday, so I cleaned it. It leaked all day Saturday. I had to turn off the fountain, take it apart and put it back together about five times before it quit leaking. It stank. Like fish crap.
I think the fish think I'm God. He Who Makes the Water Clean and Feeds Us When She Who Feeds Us Forgets To. And I can deal with that, I would just like an altar. If the fish built me an altar I just might clean the filter more often. And maybe if they had built me an altar on Saturday I wouldn't have let half the water in the pond leak out. But they didn't, so I really didn't have much of a reason to see how they were doing, ungrateful bastards.
Well, today's a big day here at the McMahonsion. We have finally decided to do the work to the house that we have been discussing for two years now. And it's about time, because the carpet in the family room is... well, it's indescribable. We've got one bid for the work and two more should be in soon, but the guy who I like will be trying to sell us his today at 1. I'm all sweaty just thinking about it.
Of course I can't pay for any of it, but what the hell, we all need dreams dammit!
Brought to you by the goddamn Yankees.
OK World, Cubs or Reds? I just can't do Philly teams any more, it's been eight years. I....I....I just have to move on.
I do have to root for Villanova, so I won't be completely abandoning the area. But can I give up on the Eagles and root for the Colts and still be considered a man?
How much pain am I expected to bear? Did you see what U of L did to Temple?
I just can't go on, at least, if I root for the Cubs, I will be confident that at the very least I won't have to watch my adopted team win a championship and break my heart, but that may not happen with the other teams. What should I do?
Really now.: "'Please help us, we want the human rights officers, we want the Americans to come back'"
Because We Can: "beginning with the 2007 model year, is expanding its powertrain warranty in the United States and Canada to five years or 100,000 miles"
Translation: "Hyundai did it in 1993, we can do it thirteen years later!"
I'm so sorry, Mr Lutz, the way you all handled the intake manifold problems on the V6 they put into nearly every car they sold has turned me off of GM for ever. I will never buy a GM car again. Unless, of course, you all decide to change course and give us all credit for the repairs we had to make to nearly-new cars. Then I might test-drive a GM car before I buy the Toyota.
Even if you don't care about the perceived quality of your cars, others do. And for a company to charge almost $60,000 for a new Cadillac DTS that has the same dashboard as a $27,000 Chevy Impala, well, that just makes us all think that you think we're all stupid.
And don't go waving the flag, Honda's opening a plant not 40 miles from here in Greensburg, two plants in town are adding lines to build parts for them, two more plants already build parts for Toyota and my GM car was put together in Mexico.
100,000 mile warranty on a 20-year-old engine design, I would hope you've got it right by now.
Did you notice most new cars have six-speed auto transmissions now? Why are you still trying to sell fours? Why are you still selling Pontiacs period?
I may not buy any of your crappy cars, but I rent them all the time and when I hear you guys talk about how great you are, I just think back to the last sub-standard hunk of crap I drove around Chicago and laugh, laugh , laugh.
I know I didn't post yesterday and part of the reason was this announcement. There's a reason they don't make TV's here in the US anymore, it's because of corporate arrogance, substandard product and terrible service, not because TV's from Asia are any cheaper to make, ship and sell. The US gave up that market, you all are doing the same thing with cars and expecting the taxpayers to bail you out.
PS: Now would be a good time to settle the intake manifold class action. You know, because you can. You could in Canada.
It's election season and Joe Sherlock sends some helpful hints to the candidates.
Now that the candidates are squared away, who do you vote for? I know some of you have a hard time with this and often vote for the wrong people, so I'm going to help you all out.
Here's maddad's guide to Voting in US Elections:
There are two types of local politicians, the ones that will never go to prison and the ones on the way. You can tell the difference at the annual Forth of July parade, if you don’t recognize the guy in the convertible, he’s the first kind, vote for him. If you have seen this guy in the paper, or he’s in his own Mercedes, he’s going to jail. Only co-workers or immediate family should have any idea who the assistant town buttmunch is, he got his six hundred votes when they bussed in all the residents from his chain of low-rent nursing homes. (R) or (D) the less you know about these guys the better. The Mayor of your town should be a caricature of the Mayor of Amity Beach, white shoes and all.
I have a pretty simple rule for picking which State Rep candidate to vote for. If he was present at the closing of your house, is in construction or runs a restaurant, vote for him. If he is a teacher, social worker or former assistant town buttmunch, run in the other direction. Party doesn’t matter here either.
Salesman. Vote for the salesman. Any candidate for governor who looks like he couldn’t sell a product isn’t the Governor you want. Any governor who doesn’t have an idea to sell half the state to Mitsubishi is a lightweight with no ideas. Check his donor lists, if the words “People For” appear more often than “corp”, “LTD” or “LLC” you need to vote for someone else. Japanese people suck at basketball, midnight or otherwise and they are loath to pay for it.
US HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES
Vote for the guy who never says the word “children” unless prefaced by the word “unborn”. Anything else will cost you money. These are almost all lawyers, vote for the one with bad hair but expensive shoes.
Chances are both candidates for US Senate will cry on TV during the campaign unless one is a woman, so voting for the non-crybaby just isn’t a good strategy anymore. Senate races are tricky things and require some heavy math:
(W * J) / K(P)
((I/S) * (L/M))/1000
Where I = inheritance, S= Number of siblings, L = Law or professional school rank or Playboy Party School rank if undergraduate degreed only, M = number of mortgages, W = number of marriages, J = years in Private sector, K = number of dependants (kids, brothers, half-siblings), P = Number of dirty pictures of said dependants on the Internet and/or appearances on MTV news or the Daily Show.
Less is better. If you hit 0, vote for that guy.
A good rule of thumb here is to not vote for the lawyer. If you don’t have a choice, go for the corporate lawyer, not the Prosecutor. Prosecutors think they can fix things and that’s a bad habit for a President. Corporate lawyers are looking out for the money and generally pretty good at keeping out of jail, they are also good at telling high powered people bad news. If no Corporate lawyers are available, and all the candidates are career politicians, vote for the guy who promises to lower taxes. Just to make me happy.
Good luck and happy voting.
Verizon introduces Charge you at a whim plan.
But I just got this in my email:
Effective August 14, 2006, Verizon Online will stop charging the FUSF (Federal Universal Service Fund) recovery fee. We will stop being assessed the fee by our DSL network suppliers. Therefore, we will no longer be recovering this fee from our customers. The impact of the FUSF fee is as follows: for customers of Verizon Online with service up to 768Kbps, the fee eliminated is $1.25 a month; for customers of Verizon Online with service up to 1.5 Mbps or 3Mbps, the fee eliminated is $2.83 a month (based on current FUSF surcharge amounts). On your bill that includes charges for August 14, 2006 you will see either a partial FUSF Recovery Fee or no FUSF line item at all, depending on your bill cycle.
Starting August 26, 2006, Verizon Online will begin charging a Supplier Surcharge for all new DSL customers, existing customers with a DSL monthly or bundle package, and existing DSL annual plan customers at the time their current annual plan expires. This surcharge is not a government imposed fee or a tax; however, it is intended to help offset costs we incur from our network supplier in providing Verizon Online DSL service. The Supplier Surcharge will initially be set at $1.20 a month for Verizon Online DSL customers with service up to 768Kbps and $2.70 per month for customers with DSL service at higher speeds.
Translation: "You're used to paying that tax, so we'll keep collecting it, call it something else and keep it for ourselves. Thanks for playing. Suckers."
Of Arms and the Law: UN report proclaims self-defense is not a right
Wait'll you get a load of this...
Self-defence is more properly characterized as a means of protecting the right to life and, as such, a basis for avoiding responsibility for violating the rights of another.
What it boils down to is they say that you have a right to life (provided you are outside the womb and not too sick to breathe on your own) and if you use force to protect your right to life, you may be able to avoid prosecution. As long as you don't hurt the other person; who is trying to take away your right to life, because that would infringe on his right to life.
Oh yeah, as long as you didn't use a gun. Because guns can really hurt people, even if they don't kill them, so they are inappropriate to use for self -defense, even by police, so use of a firearm to defend yourself outside of very strict international guidelines would be a Human Rights violation.
So I may not have the right to kill you, but you don't have the right to stop me.
I have made up my mind. I'm going to buy a gun. I'm going to have to teach my boys how to protect themselves and to use weapons, because I have a feeling that someday they will be called on to protect these so-called intellectuals who believe that they can balance any equation with complicated math.
In literature and music, movies and theater there's always an appeal to emotion, usually the most basic emotions, Sadness and Happiness. Happiness is harder to do than Sadness, a lot harder. You'll never see, for example, a happy movie all the way through, unless it's some kind of absurd comedy. You'll see a lot of sad movies with happy endings, these are cake to make. Once you bring an audience down, it takes very little to get them back up again, and one happy scene at the end of a thoroughly depressing movie can have an audience on its feet cheering and slapping each other on the back. Dark, deeply depressing movies with horrifically nihilistic endings are usually Oscar contenders, and if they include set pieces of dark comedy, they will always be critical raves.
I have always thought that this tradition goes all the way back to the Greeks. Comedies were lowbrow, unless they weren’t funny, then they were dangerously subversive satires. Tragedies were what the smart people watched, after all, what’s more entertaining than pointing out someone’s faults and failings then watching him get pilloried for them? Nothing, that’s what.
So later on, what the monks saved from the barbarians at the end of the Roman Empire was filtered according to the moral policing of the Church. So all those plays about people screwing each others wives and such were convieniently hidden in dark monastic libraries or simply destroyed, and the tales of hubris and revenge were put center stage. On and on through the years the dark morality plays of the Middle Ages through Shakespeare’s tragedies and up through Enlightenment, the highest form of the written arts was all about being miserable.
But Shakespeare wrote Comedies, you say. I say, he sure did, low-brow sex comedies too, but with a moral at the end. The hero either learns a lesson or teaches someone a lesson, it’s like a very special episode of “Blossom”. But the Tragedies and the History plays are what the cool kids like. Death , destruction, pride, murder, envy. He’s even got unrequited love, my favorite.
What could be more miserable than unrequited love? How about, true love and an early death?
SO we sate joyous as the morning ray.
Which fed upon the wrecks of night and storm
Now lingering on the winds; light airs did play
Among the dewy weeds, the sun was warm,
And we sate linked in the inwoven charm
Of converse and caresses sweet and deep-
- Speechless caresses, talk that might disarm
- Time, though he wield the darts of death and sleep,
- And those thrice mortal barbs in his own poison steep
The Romantic Poets (my favorite) show up in the early 1800’s and, for me anyway, epitomize the modern mindset. These guys may not have grown up in the Cold War era, but you wouldn’t know it from the drug-induced mental masturbation (none of that here, by the way) they foisted upon a world happy to be rid of the twin tyrannies of religion and Bonapart.
An extreme love of the natural environment, a yearning for all of life’s experience and an affected sadness at the short, brutish existence of a young, upper class British twit.
Hey, it got them chicks.
And I’m OK with that, really. But there’s a reason you read the Romantics in Sophomore year of high school. That’s where they belong. This type of thinking is adolescent behavior. You are supposed to grow up. Or die trying.
The modern day equivalent of the Romantic Poets are the Rock Stars. These guys showed up a hundred and forty years later and did what? That’s right, the same damn thing, without the meter or the rhyme or the rules. The same hysterical self-love and depressive imagery but with a twist, a hard rockin’ beat.
The problem is that hard rockin’ beat. People are influenced by the music of their youth in a way they aren’t by books, movies or plays (with the possible exception of the Bible or The Catcher in the Rye). Your music stays with you, it forms a part of your personality. You may read a book four or five times, but now you can hear the songs you like thousands of times. Even if you like to hear new artists, it’s doubtful that any new artist you discover will be over thirty, and those who are still trying to live the dream of a twenty something disaffected punk whom no one understands.
This is the prevailing attitude of a whole generation of people raised on rock ‘n roll since the end of the second world war. An obsession with youth, a preoccupation with the goodness of nature, an overall rejection of traditional morality and religious dogma, and really bad taste tin clothes. But most of all, what really defines this generation is a romanticization of the lost cause.
And not just any lost cause either…wait, strike that. Any lost cause there is, actually, unless it happens to be one in which they are engaged in which case they will quit, quickly so that the memory of the loss can be sung about, or movied about, or speechified about or have books written about.
And believe it or not this brings me back to the right of self defense. Every person on earth believes in the right of self defense. The woman who wrote that opinion is no different from anyone else in this regard. But it just isn’t cool to think like that. So people will invent incredible justifications in order to show that a good person would remain passive in the event of a threat. Why? Because being beaten is the highest moral good. Adolescent fantasy writ large on UN stationary.
I remember another example of this, a Communications professor in college once said in class that law was built around the principle that your right to swing your fist ends at the end of my nose. A classmate of mine responded that if she swung her fist at his nose she’d be pulling his foot out of her ass before she even got close.
Who’s the grownup in this situation?
The Washington Post catches up with everyone who paid any attention at all to this crap.
Wilson is an attention-grabbing partisan hack who became some kind of poster-boy for anti-Bush types for 1) lying about who sent him to Africa.
2) Either lying about what he did there or being completly incompetent at the job he was asked to do.
3) Acting all offended about his wife's name being made public whil parading her all over ever red carpet and in front of every photographer he could find.
He's a scumbag, been thoroughly discredited for years, and is STILL AS WE SPEAK a big political figure on the left side of politics in America.
Valerie Plame is nothing more than the White Twana Brawley.