So the other day I said something funny happened to maddmom, here's the gist.
Maddmom went to Rosemont College, it's Catholic and single-sex undergrad, the graduate programs admit men. In anycase, it's a small, Catholic, all-female school and my wife loved it. Every year about this time we get calls from the Allumni (Allumnae?) association, typically students asking for donations to the school. "Remember your Alma Mater" all that crap. Anyway, it's a chance for the ladies to chat with current students and maddmom always makes the most of it, because even though my parents live about three minutes from Rosemont's campus, and I went to Villanova which is right across the street, the traffic out there sucks and we have pretty much acclimated ourselves to living out in the boonies. I kid you not, I would rather shave my nuts with a broken beer bottle than drive on Montgomery Avenue ever again.
So to make a long story short, or a short story a little less long, maddmom and this current student were talking on the phone and discovered that they shared the same first name. Interesting, because maddmom's name isn't exactly common. I mean, how many people do you know named maddmom? So they get to chatting like all girls do and maddmom says something like,"oh I wonder if anything has changed, it's been so long since I graduated." And the sweet young thing on the other end of the phone says, "Uh yeah, like since 1992." Which is a sentence that, when spoken by an eighteen year old and passed through the eardrum filters of a thirty-something mother of four means, "Yeah, like when I was four years old you old cow. Has your uterus fallen out yet? You know my tits are so perky OSHA required 'safety eyewear required' stickers on my nipples when I worked as a temp last semester."
Maddmom kind of laughed it off, but you could tell she wasn't happy. I mean, the girl on the other end of the phone obviously thought maddmom was some bedraggled hausfrau with her hair all fried and her feet in tissue box slippers stuffed with empty plastic Wal-Mart bags. And that's not fair, I made her throw out the slippers.
But when you were 18 what did you think a 30 something looked like?
And all that brought up something else, at some point during the Christmas festivities I was staring at the crack of some 18 year old girls ass, in church of course, and I thought to myself, "you shouldn't be wearing those pants dearheart." Now I'm of the opinion that there's nothing wrong with looking at a girl's ass in church, especially if half of it is hanging out, but as soon as the the word "dearheart" crossed my medulla, I realised I had just turned into a dirty old man.
I now know where the line is crossed. It's 36. As far as I know, no one under the age of 36 has ever heard the expression "dearheart" let alone actually used it. "Dearheart" was the word lesbian nuns used to get the girls to pull up their kneesocks when I was a kid in school. "Your socks are low, dearheart." "Can you pick up the chalk, dearheart?" "Let me help you push this desk against the wall dearheart." And there I was, looking at underaged, underdressed ass, in church and thinking, "Oh, dearheart..."
So either I've turned into a lesbian nun, or all lesbian nuns are dirty old men. You go figure.
So in the spirit of the New Year, I've decided to start my list of resolutions and number one is:
Stop thinking about old lesbian nuns when staring at young girls asses in church.
It just got a lot funkier in Heaven.
I'm sad, but a little happy at the same time, since now there will be hot tubs in Heaven when I get there.
Today is my birthday. It's an ambivalent birthday because I am now closer to 40-anything than 20-something. Could be good, could be bad. I went into a record store the other day looking for a gift for the Prince, but I noticed pretty quickly that record stores suck, and they all play hip-hop, really loud, and quite frankly, there's nothing in there that I want my kid listening to anyway.
I ended up having a flashback to the last time i went to a record store with my dad, it was the Sam Goody in Ardmore, PA. Bat out of Hell was the big new release and I was mesmerized by the cover and my dad bought The Rolling Stones "Some Girls". I wonder if the Prince will remember the time we went on Amazon together and bought Moving Men Furniture sliders. Probably not.
In other music news "The Street Parade" by the Clash is one of the greatests songs ever and in the spirit of weeping nostalgia that I found myself in this morning I got the Soundtrack to "Streets of Fire". Oh Maria McKee, what we could have had.
The EliveCD dev install is working on my old Toshiba laptop. It's a Tecra 800 366 with 192 meg of memory. as of this writing the installer is writing configuration, could take a while. The issue I had with Elive hanging on boot was the GRUB argument acpi-off I was trying noapc noapci and apci_disable before I came to my senses and just looked at the grub arguments listed on the boot splash on the livecd. So I'll have Elive (E17) running on that old beater before long and hopefully I'll get my wireless card to work. Elive recognised the old soundcard on the Toshiba, so I'm hoping to get the wireless working without too much trouble. As it is now, I've got a 50 foot network cable crawling across the basement floor and that's just not a good thing with four boys in the house.
I got a sneak peek at a Christmas present last night and I'm pretty stoked, but now I'm down to four shopping days and I'm stressing to come up with something for madddmom. A guy on my team quit, so with one week left in the fourth quarter, suddenly I have to pick up for him. Which means less time tiling and shopping, and more time in front of the computer. Well, at least I got the laptop working.
I'll be sealing the shower sometime today so I can finally take a shower without crouching in a modified fetal position. That'll rock. For me and for everyone around me.
That's it for today, no poop jokes, just a lot of geek stuff. Hey, at least when I post Linux crap I get lots of hits..
A little dark, but you get the idea. The lights aren't in yet. I finished grouting the floor and shower last night. I rock.
In other non-news, my comments should be working now. For the past several months all comments have been in blogger beta limbo. So I'm not a jerk, I just didn't know you left a comment. Sorry.
Also the EliveCD works great on the old Toshiba laptop, but just the CD. If I try and install it to the HDD, it hangs at the splash screen on boot. I think if there was a way to disable acpi on boot i could get it to work. I'll see what I can do. this distro recognises my old sound card. I want it to work really bad.
The Beast is having a meltdown and maddmom is off shopping, so you can just worship my tile-godness and wait for an entertaining update some day. Not today, but someday.
I am also pretty frightened of what I'm going to see in my referrer logs based on that last post. And the 40 hits I got. I usually get two or three a day.
So I "upgraded" to Blogger Beta, and now I find not only comments, but whole posts floating out there in the ether. I'll check 'em out and if they still make any sense (as if they ever did) I'll post them. This one is from LAST FREAKING OCTOBER! It's also about a subject near and dear to my heart.
Crap. Shit. Dropping the kids off at the pool. Giving birth to a Texan. Law school graduation. Whatever you call it my life seems to revolve around it. The second post on this blog was about it and I've been averaging about one post per quarter on or about poo.
Some people have even commented that I have shit for brains.
This morning I was awakened from the sleep of the dead by a little boy with a fourty-year-old man's turd in his diaper. A smell so vicious it was just about more than I could bear and almost made it impossible for me to fake sleep long enough for maddmom to get out of bed and change him. She carried that diaper all through the house and dropped it outside the garage door and told one of the boys to go outside and stick it in the trash. That took about twenty minutes and in that time the entire house filled up with a green haze that was just now beginning to abate. So then the cat crapped.
Now I have had this cat since college and it's a miserable bitchy pain in the ass, but it never used to stink. Now it stinks. It never goes outside anymore, and for a small cat it can shit like a mountain lion on Benefiber. It just did. My office is one door down from the utility room where the catbox lives and there are times when working in here is like working in the third stall down in the Southeast corner bathroom at the 8th and Market train station in Philly. Without the obvious benefit of a glory hole.
Now this post has been building up for a couple of days, because yesterday I went in the powder room to pee only to find a three-quarters digested humpback whale floating in the bowl. The absence of TP revealed the culprit to be the Beast, who I had seen earlier not wearing pants. A quick yell, wipe and flush later I was able to finish my business and get to work. Until about 2 o'clock when the older boys came home, and the Prince locked himself in the powder room and dropped a MOAB on the kitchen. I'm moving the hell out.
Blogger was sending my comments to the beta site for moderation. I've never turned on comment moderation on my old site, so imagine my suprise when I found a pant load of comments when I "upgraded" to the new site. So I've approved all comments and I'll make sure that moderation is turned off. Pretty embarassing.
Not as embarassing as the Giants last night though. Since I made the difficult decision to root for the Colts instead of the Eagles, the Colts have lost two straight and the Eagles have won...with a backup QB. Do you think I can fake them out by pretending to root for the Colts? Doubt it.
via life in the 80's
I like Christmas. I do. What I can't stand are Christmas carols. Now I have been hearing a lot less of them this year, since the season was shorter and I have an iPod. But still, they creep in on you. Some of those songs must have been designed by the North Koreans to cause psychotic episodes in average Americans. The idea, I'm sure, was to get enough blood running in the streets during the holiday season so that the enslaved workers would turn against their capitalist pig masters. And I'll tell you what...one more chorus of "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" and I'll be on my way to shoot the clerk at the nearest Starbucks. Wait, I don't need an excuse to do that, so to hell with it, I'll just burn down Sears.
I'm sure some people like Christmas carols, and I've seen those poor misguided souls in front of houses happily singing away while the unfortunate homeowners stand in the doorway, gazing at them with an uncomfortable mix of sadness, hate and pity. What is with these people anyway? What would make an otherwise upstanding tetotalling Baptist stand on my front lawn shreiking like a drunk 22 year old girl who finally figured out I gave her a fake name? Like I said, I like Christmas, but I also like basic human dignity and dressing up like an organ grinder's monkey and barking like a trained seal at passers-by doesn't uite live up to my definition.
This year I have been mercifully spared the "rock and roll" Christmas songs, especially the abortion that Paul McCarteney let loose upon the world. I've been lucky, no Pretenders, no Waitresses, no fucking John Lennon. Just the classics, and by classics I mean mind-numbing irritants. Out of all the "classics' the most annoying is "We Wish You A Merry Christmas". If you've noticed, thanks to that asshole, Bill O'Reilly, every giant retail chain is using that freaking song to force over-priced Chinese made consumer goods down our throat this year. I can see those meetings now:
Big Shot: Here's our new kid's line. It's made of waxed paper, gasoline, match heads and broken glass, you know, our new "coolsoft" fabric. All the kids are really into it.
Big Shot2: So we've come up with a test slogan and we were wondering if you guys could maybe help us flesh it out a little.
Advertising Guy: Anything you say BS! How's that slogan go?
BS2: Here goes....ahem..."OPEN UP YOUR WALLET AND BUY THIS CRAP BEFORE WE SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT LIKE WE WERE FORCE-FEEDING FOI-GRAS GEESE YOU CHEAP ASS MOTHER..."
Advertising Guy: Hold on there BS! That's fantastic, but I think we can be a little more subtle, how about "It wears out fast and can kill you, plus it makes your daughter look like a slut, but it's got a brand name and your daughter's fat anyway, so why worry! Buy it now!"
BS1: I like it!
BS2: How about a catchy jingle?
Advertising Guy: Well, "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" is in the public domain...
BS1: It is? You're fired AG! BS2, it's all ready Labor Day, how fast can we get these commercials running.
BS2: Tomorrow BS!
The only thing good about hearing Christmas music all the time is not hearing the Pretenders on Muzak every time I'm in wal-Mart. It's not that I don't get satisfaction out of knowing that not only are the Pretenders used as Rush Limbaugh's theme song, but the only other time you hear the Pretenders nowadays is in Wal-Mart or Kroger or Home Depot. And I just think that's great. Because, well, I don't like the Pretenders either.
Spam is 90% of email.
I'm posting this because I got spam in my Gmail account last night, with an attachment that was probably a virus, I'll never know since I deleted it, but a lot of people would've opened it. Google's anti-spam is usually pretty good, I was kind of shocked to see it in my inbox. My guess is that it was image spam. Image spam is the hardest to fight and is probably the worst for your system, since the average image spam is about 50k versus about 4k for a regular email.
There's only one method that I think is close to foolproof when trying to defeat spam, reverse DNS lookup, but it is such a hassle in today's business world that very few people actually use it. In fact, there's a majority of network engineers who think that reverse DNS lookup is a very poor defence against spam. The reason is that most networks are poorly designed. Companies and organizations have multiple gateways to the internet and a badly set up DNS. They might have several different domains registered with different information, and the domain name system is easily screwed up. Most anti-spam products will use a quick reverse DNS check to identify possible spam, but that's it, they won't reject the mail just for that. A big problem for email guys is that no one wants to be completely authortative for the entire DNS. What about outsourcing of mail? What about NAT? What about server consolidation? Basically, these questions are all based around one argument. We're too lazy to make it work. Just take a look at the size of the list of open relay servers at ORDB.org. Nothing is more lazy than leaving your mail server up as an open relay. And yet you should hear the whining when some commercial interest has one of its servers placed on that list.
In short, you want to control spam you need to overhaul DNS and create new standards for SMTP relay. The internet is no longer some kind of academic free for all and the hippie subculture of free love and software no longer runs things. Let's face it, the internet is a commercial enterprise and some things about it need a stable, policed framework. I'll do it if you want me to, just send me a check.
is I dunno, maybe not being asleep? No one can sneak up on you? Not as likely to die in a fire? A good change you'll hear the tornado warning? You might catch the dog doing that thing with your favorite sweatshirt that's just plain gross? Like I said, I dunno. I don't even know why I wrote that, other than it's Monday and i have to post or my Mom will think I'm dead. But don't expect a lot from me this week, I'm on the road during the day, I've got more tile to finish and tonight the Eagles will lose.
For some reason I am exhausted today, I can barely keep my eyes open. I slept crummy, my body hurts, but I'm not sick. Dunno, again.
Anyway, I'm going to install Elive on the Toshiba when I get back, and I have a Christmas dinner to go to on Friday, hope it's not Dutch, since I also have to bring a secret Santa gift. I'm thinking one-size-fits-all leather chaps and a ball gag, just so I can gauge the type of people I work with.
The cabinet guys were here all day finishing up the butler's pantry and the rest of the guys were upstairs in the master doing the bathroom. The plumbing was finished yesterday, these guys want to get out of here fast. I've got to do the tile in the shower and on the floor before they can set the vanity and sink, so I hope they've got enough to keep them busy through Thursday.
Nothing else to say tonight, should post in the morning, I have much more to say.