Did you know, that if you drink a little too much and fall asleep on your back with your mouth open, your uvula can swell up to the size of a small beach ball and prctially stop your breathing?
Me neither. Until Saturday night. I had had a couple of beers, and fell asleep sorta sitting up in bed with a bunch of pillows behind me and my mouth open. Snoring away for all I'm worth, Im sure. maddmom didn't notice, some fiend had fed her bourbon. And I woke up at 2am with what felt like really,, really bad post-nasal drip. A quick trip to the bathroom mirror and a short freak-out later I was gargling ice water and smearing my giant-uvula with tooth-ache gel, since we didn't have any sore-throat spray. I fell asleep around 5am (last time I looked at the clock) and when I woke up, nothing had changed.
Thank God for the internet, a little research told me that this happens all of the time, who knew? No one I know has ever said anything about having a uvula the size of a catcher's mitt. There's a couple of things that could cause uvula swelling, so I hedged my bets and took some Benadryl and garlged some warm salt water and that kind of helped the swelling go down, but my throat was sore all day.
What I think happened was a combination of things, I had salted the driveway and when I opened the bag of rock salt I got a snoot-full of salt dust, then a couple of beers, no water before bed, bad sleeping position and viola - dry mouth, huge uvula.
If only that worked for other things.
I had those couple of beers at the Shawe/Pope John silent auction. this year we actually made it to the live auction, usually we leave before then , and now I know why. maddmom like auctions.
We ended up winning three lots, two ski-lift tickets for $50 (all-right), some dog-grooming for $20 (huh?) and a pillow made by Number Two's third-grade class for $100 (WTF?).
So to sum up in mathematical form:
((snowstorm + rocksalt)*(bourbon + maddmom)- $180)/4(beers) + x(pillows) = (big fucking uvula + dog grooming)
I'm also about six posts away from my 1000th post. How about that? I'm posting this now because I'm on the road all week and will probably forget to post a blurb about it.
You know, because you're all so interested.
Also, "uvula" does not equal "meat curtains", buy a dictionary.