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Everyone will have seen this by Mondy


So why not you. Doctor Who and the Beatles

From Boing Boing, Instapundit et al.

I'm thinking of a number...


No I'm not, what I'm thinking of is how nice it is outside. I think I'll take the dog for a walk.

I gotta go to the euphemism



Something tells me they aren't big Skid Row fans.

Sorry my mullet is showing.



See if you can spot the cat prints. I can't believe I still have that cat.

Reports of my death have been...oh hell.


If it weren't for the word "men" this would read like my obituary.: "'More than 100 Tainan city residents, mostly men, have reportedly gone to see the corpse to 'experience' the size of its penis,' the newspaper reported."

The big day

I just mailed in my taxes. I will not be blogging any more today as I will be busy applying ice and topical antiseptic for the remainer of the day.

...and speaking of farting silently, does anyone actually check the box to send an extra dollar to the government so they can use it for matching campaign funds?

Who does this? Why would you encourage them?

The ten worst toys


W.A.T.C.H. world against toys causing harm, inc.: "balloons themselves pose a recognized choking hazard in the hands of children."

WTF? Didn't their mothers teach them not to eat with their hands?

What, only 263-83?

You're fired!

The Chainsaw in the Willows


The great big, half-dead Willow tree in my front yard came crashing down yesterday as a result of a plot by the non-carbon neutral fascist Bush administration to raise the temperature of our Mother Earth so we can use less of the oil we stole from the rightful owners of Iraq heating our homes and more of it in our giant SUVs.

Or it could be that the guy trimming the trees next door gave us a good price, I'm not sure. Doesn't matter, I need to replace it.

I can get one on-line for thirty bucks, but it'll be shipped to me as a bare-root tree and I'll have to get it into the ground ASAP, which means I'll have to have the spot prepared before I buy it. Which means I'll have to rent a stump-grinder. Which means I'll have to buy a prosthetic limb. At least one, maybe two.

Maybe I can get a peg-leg made out of the old willow tree?

Evidently a Weeping Willow will absorb a massive amount of standing water, so maybe I should have been like my sister and named my kid Willow. Because my kid doesn't absorb anything, but my carpet does, so do his pants, bed, my office chair, and the couch in the basement. I hate potty training.

Actually, it's not really potty training that I hate, it's the year or two after potty training, when the kid is just about tall enough to use your average home toilet, but not tall enough to use the toilets found in men's public rest rooms. They usually come right up to the chest of your average two-and-a-half year old - which, to a two-and-a-half year old, means it must be something they can put in their mouth. Urinals are not much better, they look like funny drinking fountains and your average two-and-a-half-year old agrees.

And don't forget that a newly potty trained kid never has to crap until you get somewhere with no restroom. Or if there is a rest room, it was last used by Elvis in 1976 and at that time he shat out half of that guy with the really deep voice from the Memphis Mafia.

And understand that your kid will manage to drop whatever candy he found melting in the ashtray of your car on the floor of said bathroom, and not finding it, will settle for eating one of the undigested Quaalude he found next to the hopper.

You won't notice until you get him back to the car and he starts singing side one of the Best of Red Sovine. Which, at least, isn't Emerson, Lake, and Palmer. But by then it's too late and you have to go home until he comes down, lest you find him half-catatonic in front of the Wiggles movie at the Disney Store wailing. "Why, Jeff? Fuck man, why? Why'd you do it to me? Oh man I am so fucking high. Dad, gimme the keys, we got to get to Australia and talk him out of it. Get your gun."

With luck, he'll get taller, I hear Willow trees can grow ten feet in a year.

Reet, Daddy-o


Buddy Holly was charged $11.65 cash for his own autopsy.

From his pocket cash.

Not Much...You?


It's hard to get psyched for blogging when you are potty training a two-year-old boy and you have to end every sentence with, "Do you have to pee? Are you sure? Do you have to poop? Are you sure?".

It doesn't matter who you are talking to either. Could be the Pope, doesn't matter, "Bless me Holy Father. Do you have to poop? No? Sure? How about we try and pee? I don't want you to pee in your pants that's why, now pull down your undies. And stop playing with your wiener! Thank you Your Holiness."

On the upside, all of the toilet seats are in the up and locked position, so I feel like a king again.

Don't expect much from me tomorrow, I'm working.

Yes, all day.

Cool Tool: Griffin Rocket FM


I've spent a considerable amount of time creating my media server, but if all you want to do is to listen to your mp3 library through your stereo a tunecasting device is probably the way to go. Cool Tools found one they really liked, the
Griffin Rocket FM.

I have an FM transmitter for my car. I can listen to my ipod and don't have to shuffle around with CD's anymore, but in crowded marketplaces it can get hard to find a free station. Out here in the boonies, it's not bad at all, and I can go all the way to Chicago without changing the station it's set at. But I like the control I get with Twonkyvision and it helps that I can just add storage as I need it.

All of my stuff is running on hardware that's been around for years, the laptop's at least seven years old. Another cool thing about the media server is that I can play playlists through any computer that connects to my home network through QuickTime. So, if I feel like it, I could VPN in to my network from the road and listen to my own stuff.

This would make it real easy for me to share home movies with family members who are out of the country, and by home movies I mean anything but TIVO'd broadcasts of the Final Four, because that would be wrong.


Whoo! Watched The Day after Tomorrow last night. Well, parts of it anyway. What a stinker. Still, watching New York get flooded and frozen was kinda fun, not as much fun as watching it get stomped by a giant lizard or huge gorililililila, but still fun.

I know I'm probably going to go to hell for denying global warming, but I think I've figured out a way to get a plenury indulgence from the Church of Let's Freeze Our Balls Off.

First, I'm not against the idea that the Earth is warming. In fact, I'm all for it. I hope it does. I'm freezing. It happened before, in the medieval warm period (of course, Vikings notwithstanding there are medieval warm period denyers.) and things were great, except for the plague thing.

Anyway, my plan. I've been reading a book called Stiff by Mary Roach. It's a neat little book about how cadavers are used, you know, if you will it to science or get buried or get burned or what. It's pretty neat.

So for years I've been saying that when I die I want everything useful ripped out and sold to the highest bidder (after the autopsy and the trial. My liver, of course, will spend about six weeks as a special guest on the Nancy Grace show, but I'm sure the rest of me will bring enough in for tuition at least.) and everything else burned and scattered to the wind. But after reading this book I have decided to be composted. Think about it, and I'm not being the least bit sarcastic, I can either be burned and wasted or composted and used. So compost my fine ass.

The way they will do it, and it will start in Sweden the country that makes the greatest cars in the Universe, is to freeze your corpse in liquid hydrogen ( a manufacturing by-product) and grind it up, either in a hammer-mill or using ultrasound, then compost it for a month or two. then they will scoop you out and use your remains to plant a tree of your choice. I'm thinking Tulip poplar or Magnolia. Something slow-growing that causes a lot of leaf-litter. I want to be clogging gutters and killing surrounding underbrush, so that I stand alone and proud, renewed and unforgiving. Also eating enough carbon dioxide to minimize my time in Gaia hell. What do you think of that Warmers? Would that be enough for you ? Instead of cemetaries we could have arboretums everywhere, or memorial golf courses. Think about it.

Or better yet, just buy some tomato plants and eat me. That's it.

Eat Me.

Week over


First, the geek stuff...

That's a screenshot of my Elive desktop, with the GIMP toolbar up. For the record, it's elive_0.6.5_unstable, running on a Toshiba Tecra 8000 with a PentiumII a 9gig HD and 256 mg of memory. It has a Belkin 56g wireless PCMCIA and an old 3com 10/100 wired network adaptors. It's running TwonkyMusic media server in the backround to my Omnifi DMS1 and to the other four workstations through the web interface. I've got a Mybook 160 gig USB HD mounted, it's NTFS formatted and contains my TwonkyMusic library, various VMWare sessions and the backup of my work hard drive. It's also shared out to my Win2k and XP workstations using Samba so iTunes can use it. I have NFS running and as soon as I get my hands on a free NFS client for Windows, I'm losing Samba for good. TwonkyMusic is also running as a Shoutcast server so I have access to internet radio through my stereo. If I ever get my hands on an Xbox 360 I'll upgrade to TwonkyMedia and watch movies off the damn thing.

It's also my preferred desktop, and you'd think it's be slow, but you'd be wrong. Elive is distributed as a Live CD, which means that the OS is light enough to run off of a CD, really beats the however many gigabyte monster Vista is. The wireless card lets me move it from room to room with all processes running. I always wanted a computer like the ones that they have in the movies and now I got one, seriously, this is the best interface I've ever used.

In other wildly exciting news, it took e three hours to get my checkbook to balance this morning. I now know why I'm not an accountant.

And furthermore, yes, I'm still miserable and no money won't help. I know this because I got an unexpected bonus ( a really nice one too) and it didn't help. Maybe because tuition already ate it? I dunno.

I've also decided that since every 36 year old man I know is fat, I'm giving up exercising altogether and living the dream. Unless I can manage to get hooked on crack or something. I've heard there can be a lot of running involved in being a crack addict. And you know, most of the meth addicts I've seen have pretty low body fat percentages, maybe that's the way to go. I'll have to look into it.

Anyway, it's very hard to type when there's a two-year old on a Hippity-Hop in your office, so that's it until Monday.

America's Favorite Architecture


Had to post, so waste the rest of your workday with this list. America's Favorite Architecture I skipped the first page, it's all New York and DC, and pretty easy guesses. I'm really shocked that Chicago doesn't make the list until after Philly, but hell, I'll take it. Somebody holler if the Masonic Temple in Philly is on the list.

Black Dog


My time of the month, I guess. I'm absolutley miserable. This doesn't happen as often as it used to so I guess that's why I feel it more. By that I mean, it's a noticable change like being trapped in a room wih beautiful french doors, but there locked and some jerk spraypainted them so you can't see out. Really takes the ol' spring out of the step.

Doesn't help that it's raining.

Just a few boring things then...

I had elive running perfect on the Toshiba laptop. TwonkyMusic UpnP server running and working well, the wireless card working, and generally everything going great. So I tried to hack nsf-kernel-server so I could connect my usb drive to the laptop (woked fine) and share the media partition to my Windows machines so I could use iTunes without having to disconnect the usb drive and reconnect it to the usb hub every time I wanted to update my ipod, or the Prince gets a new CD.

Didn't work. I couldn't get it working on my own so I went to Google for help and Mr Google pointed me to the new and improved eLive CD. It contains an nfs server that works, or so it says. So what's a geek to do, but to blow away his partitions and load the new version. Love the graphical GRUB, and on install it found my wireless card automajically, but got stuck trying to connect WEP key problems. I'm switching to MAC filtering on the wireless anyway, so I might turn WEP off anyway. I'm 300 feet from the road people, no wardrivers are going to get me. And if they do, I've got AirSnare running and 1) they'll be notified that I'm tracking them, 2)I'll be notified that they connected, and 3) I'll have them tracked with Ethereal.

Enough of that. I was thinking last night that If I were to get a tattoo it would just say "Organ Donor, type O-, sorry about the mess.".

I was wondering yesterday if it was possible to miss someone you only knew through e-mail? Probably just a result of my ongoing funk. I had an on-line "freind" who died last year, we only ever communicated through email and blog posts, he could be a total jerk but for some reason I was really looking forward to an email from him yesterday. He always dug those name generator things.

I use a Soloflex clone to weight train. It's about 15 years old, maybe more, yesterday I finally broke one of the 50 lb weight bands. There's nothing on ebay and no spare parts for this old beast, I'm afraid that it will have to go. Now I have to save up for a new home gym. I've been looking at power racks, Bowflex's etc. But I think I'm going to go with a Soloflex. For a bunch of reasons. The first is that I am old, and I am clumsy and I don't want to get hurt. I have always managed tu hurt something with free weights, even if it's just my toe. 2) Quick changes, I can go from one set to the next relatively quickly and since I don't have a lot of time to work out, that means a lot. 3) Space. I've got very little room. Plate loaders are out, same with Smith machines and most power racks right off the bat. Plus, I like to do squats, and I do them without a spotter, like I said, I don't want to get hurt. So I need something that will spot for me. I can get a used Soloflex for around 300 bucks. A Bowflex costs a fortune, even used, and a weight bech, while cheaper, is almost certain to land me in the hospital. Plus, I've been getting good results with the soloflex and dumbells, if I ate better I'd probably look pretty good.

So that's it for tody, hope you're not too bored.

That's Right...


Leprechaun Name

Your Leprechaun Name is
Moneybags O'Leary
Get Your Leprechaun Name at Quizopolis.com

As if I didn't already have a leprechaun name.

It's Monday, I want to gripe


Someone scheduled a meeting today, 2 hours long, at noon. I will be conferenced in from my basement and driving the meeting, they will be in a conference room 300 miles away eating a catered lunch. I hope someone chokes.

I went shopping with the Prince yesterday, we needed new sneakers. Bought some new running shoes for $35 bucks at Value City (the only place to go for shoes) and new (34 inch waist!) jeans, Levis 2 pair, $14b. A pretty successful trip. But I was looking for some casual shoes, not sneakers, not dress shoes, and they all cost about 60 bucks. What the hell?

And lastly, a little internet Issue I have. Tell me if this bothers you too.

When reading an email exchange or comment thread, isn't there always one jerk who posts song lyrics as a way of making a point? Or quotes from dead Presidents? Without explination or any comment, posting the lyrics to "Sweet Child o' Mine" in a thread about Ediscovery Compliance and Sarbanes-Oxley is just damn stupid. So also with any quote then -Thomas Jefferson, as if NO ONE EVER DISAGREED WITH THOMAS JEFFERSON. AS IF THOMAS JEFFERSON WOULD HAVE ANY IDEA IN 1778 WHAT CORPORATE COMPLIANCE OFFICERS WOULD HAVE TO DO IN 2007! AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

I swear to God, next time I read "blah blah blah - Art Carney" as an argument ender in a debate I'm posting "Lemme put you on hold, I gotta take a shit. -maddad" right after it. It would, in most cases, have as much bearing on the conversation.

And back to song lyrics. "My Humps" is not an argument for or against document retention policy, it does not inform any reader about new events or government regulation, knock it off. Next time I see crap like that, I'm posting all the lyrics to "Interracial Cowboy Homo Kinda Love" by the Rev. Horton Heat.

"OW!" - St Sebastion

Small Victory


I got my Wireless card to work under Elive this morning. I'm psyched. What this means is I'm going to go all Linux. I'll be turning this old beast into a media server using Twonkyvision. Then I'm going to upgrade the old workstation to Elive. Just as soon as I can get iTunes to work under Linux (for the record, I couldn't get it to work under WINE, but there's a hack out there by CodeWeavers called CrossoverOffice that is supposed to work.

I'm in love with the multimedia in Elive. It's just too cool. Plus it runs really well on my old hardware. So I can have a Upnp server running on a ten-year old laptop. I can have video and sound editing capabilities on a computer that could barely run Windows 2000 and I have a full office suite as well. Not to mention the multiple desktops, security, and the coolest interface this side of Hollywood.

And yes, I realise that as I get deeper into this Linux morass it becomes less and less free, but it's still cheaper than Windows. Especially since my OS will hit end of life in '08. And if you want to be able to work on the internet, you'd better have an OS that is stable and supported. So, upgrade to Vista? Yeah, right. Buy a Mac? I'm just not cool enough. What's left for a hobbyist? Just Linux.

Too Nice


According to the weather guys, it's going to be 62 here today. I am going outside. Skippy and I are all dressed up and ready to play in the mud. So this is what you get for today.

It's also supposed to thunderstorm later tonight, and I've got the Fantastic 4 out of the library just in case. It's Friday and I can't have meat, so we'll have fish for dinner, I just wish I hadn't given up booze for Lent.

I just realized I paid twice my mortgage in hotel bills last month. So I'm going to be lazy today and finish the new vanity in the powder room.


Vanity's in and I started the melons and beans, maybe a little late on that. The thermometer in my car said 72! WOOT. I have every window in the house open.

Every little boy in the neighborhood in in my front yard right now and every one is hollering about something. No one's crying so I'm going to sit out here in the back and enjoy it.

I would like to reiterate that I really wish I hadn't given up booze for Lent.

Serves me right


Calories in a Cinnabon Cinnamon Streusel Jumbo Muffin as prepared by maddad:


Calories in 1/2 cup of Breyers Double Churned Low Fat Chocolate Ice cream :


Guess who gave up ice cream for Lent?

Inside Baseball


Couple things,

Added links to my Google reader on the right sidebar. If I share someting in my Google reader you'll see it there. Some guy named Terrence is doing this for me.

Blogger's got a new Emacs editor for Blogger. It looks cool. I'll be trying it out over the next couple of days, what this means is, there will be no posts containing the number "two" or the letter "kew" since someone ripped them off of my old Linux laptop.

FYI for geeks, still can't get ndiswrapper to work in this Debian-based distro, so even though I like it, I might go back to Fedora, might experiment with others, dunno. maddad hates the cable!

Potty training Skippy will put a bite in blogging for a while, but look at it this way, think of all the great poop stories. Especially since maddmom is AWOL and I am working this week. I expect to be covered in feces for the next four days, at least. If you have a strong stomache and a good immune system, come join me, coprophages need not apply.

That's it for me, just a note to this guy, you still have access, and i don't see any new pictures at your place.

Remember Joe Wilson?


Here's a reminder of what all the fuss is about. Can't wait to see his holiness on Larry King tonight,

Libby Convicted

Awaiting pardon. In four out of five counts. I can't get to Firedoglake, but Maguire is still up.

Libby is free on bail, and will appeal. He does have grounds and Fitz said not to expect any more charges to be filed, the investigation is closed down, so...

Why? If the case was strong enough to convict Libby, why not go after Rove? Why not Cheney?

I think the answer is pretty obvious, just like Starr, the prosecutor had to get somebody for something. I still think Libby will get off, even if he has to wait years for it. I don't think Bush will pardon and don't think he'll have to.

And I think the appeal process will seriously damage the credibility of NBC news, if any of it gets reported, which is doubtful.

update: One of the jurors was a reporter? Did Libby even have a lawyer? Think that book will be out in three or four months? Do you think he'll be on 60 minutes this Sunday or next?

And hey, comment in the comments, not email.

Regard yourself in front! (In french)


I've posted before about how mid-day flyers are different than morning
and evening flyers, today is no exception.

Seriously. Dress better.

I'm not talking about the children, that can't be helped, but there's
a girl here who looks to be about 20 in pajamas. Not clothes that
look like pajamas, but pajamas. And flip-flops.

There's another girl, her freind I think, wearing sweats with "Love
Pink" written on the ass. That's special. And lots of fake jewelry.
How long do you think it took her to get through security? God, her
father must be so proud.

You all gotta understand that If she was one of those people who could
pull off the look I wouldn't be mentioning her at all, but she can't
so I am.

So now a confession. I left the restroom about half an hour ago and
just now noticed the ol barn door was open. I'm wearing a jacket, so
I don't think anyone noticed, so there was no fainting, but there were
a few women who looked afraid. I'm sure you know how it is.

Anyway, I'm accepting the fact that my wang has been flashing around
the terminal for half an hour, and I'm ready to believe that the
reason, Ms Pink has been wandering back and forth in front of my chair
is because,well, she's impressed.

And she should be.

That's my story and I'm sticking with it, otherwise I'd be in tears in
the corner. In a fetal position and scratching my cheeks.




About a year ago I posted on a milestone in the life of maddad. I wore my jeans with the 34 inch waist. Now I fit fine into those mammajammas, but for several reasons i decided I'd stick to the 36s for the rest of my life.

What are those reasons, you ask?

Well, there is really only one reason, comfort.

No, they aren't too tight, it's just that I like to wear my jeans on my hips, and I have large hips. Really. Large. Hips.

You may think that this is a joke, but seriously, if I was a chick I'd be having kids eight at a time in a running bond pattern while in the deli line at Wal-Mart. I wouldn't even notice until I tripped over the cords. Big mofo hips, get it?

So wearing jeans at my waist kinda makes me look like one of those old big square-assed John Wayne type movie actors. Except I'm much better looking and not addicted to amyl poppers. Not yet anyway.

Plus, I slouch, and wearing a belt right below my belly button is just uncomfortable. Plus it gives me gas, lots of smelly, smelly gas.

So I've been wearing 36 inch waists for a year or so longer than I had to. Until today. Today I put my jeans on and they were only held up by my johnson. which is to say they hit the floor. So I had to go get my 34s out of the trophy case in the living room and try them on, and whattya know, they fit. I wore 'em to church...

With a belt.

Yes, yes, I know you think I am better than you, and you are right. But it's not just that I can fit into 34 inch jeans, it's that I can fit really well into my 34 inch jeans.

But then again, this is Lent, so I haven't been drinking or eating dessert, except on Sunday (which means I'll be plastered ten minutes after this posts), and I was stuck at O'Hare for a couple of days with fifteen billion other people this weekend and I didn't feel like getting into a fistfight over day-old Pizza Uno. And I've been eating a lot of fiber lately. Just enough to clean the ol' pipes, and clean out the second floor of the Cedar Rapid Marriott. So this may be a false positive.

But that in no way means I'm not better than you.

Off to Wisconsin to work on my tan tomorrow, wish me luck.

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Why four flights at one gate? Why?



Why do all Romans have British accents?

Canadair jets are small


Please don't dump in the bathrooms.