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Anyone got $108k I can borrow?

4/30/2007

eBay Find of the Day: 1987 Buick GNX #359 - 9.9 miles on the odo - Autoblog

Badass! I'm going to need some ice for my mullett.

Seven in one blow

Manly maddad, protector of his family, hero to his wife and savior of democracy, today killed the world's largest housefly with one snap of a wet dishtowel. Rawr.

This isn't it, but it was about this size:
 


Anyway, now we know why they call him Woody.

Do the parents of little girls find stuff like this when they are cleaning the house?



Mid-west? Mid-west? THIS IS SPARTA!

Friday garbage posts

4/27/2007

I don't see the problem.

I haven't tried this yet, but I'm checking it out later today. I'm still searching for the best media server. And I don't want to spend 60 pounds for Twonkymusic unless I have to.

Hey kid,grab a chair the doctor will be right with you.




Smurf Name

Your Smurf Name is
Vulgar Smurf
Get Your Smurf Name at Quizopolis.com

Quizopolis

Maddad caught on video

4/26/2007

This was my last sales meeting...


Work it baby, yeah...

4/25/2007

If you give a Beast a camera...



He'll want to show you his mad Play-doh Skillz....



Then he'll want to feed it to his brother...




Then he'll try to feed it to the yellow frog...


Then he'll use the flash to annoy the Prince...






Slurpee Time!

Phil's are 7-11.

And Hey, Junior's back with the Reds, hit a homer and was moved to the bullpen. Wait..wait..wait, sorry wrong team.

Mapping The Blogosphere

4/24/2007

Data Mining: Mapping The Blogosphere

This is a pretty cool visualization of blogworld. You can see islands of interconnected blogs that reciprocally link to each other. This blog, which doesn't do that, is invisible.

I'm kinda like the guy who stands on the corner, not close enough for building security to tell him to move on, but just close enough so that you all can smell my urine-soaked corduroys. I know most people won't even remember that they saw me, but evidence suggests that getting past me without getting yelled at has become part of a few people's daily routine.

And that's OK, I will continue to stand here and shout, occasionally crapping in the parking garage stairwell. Making it hard for those who wander this way, either because they are new around here, or because they need to get somewhere else and forgot that this is my corner and that I was going to address them by some random name and maybe ask directions to the nearest methadone clinic.

And that's all a blogger can ask for, anyway.

Interesting tid-bit of information

4/23/2007

Between Indiana's blue laws and Dave Ramsey's "Total money Makeover", it's well-nigh on impossible to become a functioning alchoholic.

Annual Earth Day post.

4/22/2007

Ira Einhorn - The famous Unicorn Killer

Have a Coke and a smile and...

4/20/2007

You know the rest.

Gunning Down a Claim

Must credit Maddad

Actually, credit this guy.*click here*

I know how he feels. I got a Discover card in '91 in order to do some emergency auto repair. Cost me $300 and I had to use the cash advance, because the repair place didn't take credit. Neither here nor there, but I had it paid off by the end of the year, and my math major girlfriend (maddmom in a previous life) quietly and sympathetically told me how stupid cash advance was. I agreed that paying over $400 bucks for a $300 job was pretty stupid, but did she really have to call me a douchebag?

Needless to say, once I figured out that a Discover card came with a 28% interest rate and a monthy minimum payment on $100 that was roughly Ghana's monthy interest payment to the World Bank, I cancelled the card.

Or so I thought.

When I cancelled the card, because I was making, roughly $5.50 an hour and could never, ever pay Discover the rate they were asking. The legbreaker customer service rep I spoke to told me that they would waive the $55 annual fee and deactivate the card, but all I had to do to reactivate the card was to use it again. "Keep it for emergencies," said Lucy,"You'll never know when one might come up.

So I did, every year or so, I'd get a new card in the mail, and put it, activation sicker and all into my wallet, for emergencies. Emergencies that, thanks to the small blond bundle of common sense (with an extremely stron grip) that follows me where ever it is I go, never came up. The only problem, I thought, was the adhesive from the activation stickers gumming up my wallet.

Until 1995, when maddmom, the Prince and I were living in Atlanta and decided that maddad's salary of $14 per week was enough to buy a house. And we decided to pre-qualify for a mortgage.

That's when Discover Card found me and told me that I owed them three years and eleven months of annual fees.

Needless to say, I called Discover Card, and after a couple of conversations, (mostly on their side consisting of, "Sir, please don't shout" and "I can't respond to language like that, sir.") I suceeded in completely cancelling my Discover card. Fee free, I might add.

Until I moved to New Jersey and actually did buy a house two years later.

In the mailbox one fine day came a NEW! IMPROVED! NO ANNUAL FEE! Discover Card. Not a pre-approved card, but a renewal. At the time, I was getting about a million pre-approved cards in the mail a day. For instance I received a TITANIUN NO LIMIT! Visa in the mail one day, pre-approved. Just the thing for a guy with a $30k a year job with a non-profit, two kids and a house, car payment and wife addicted to TJ Maxx. (To be fair, she never bought anything for more than two or three days, but the potential was there.) But the Discover card was the same account I had previous, as it said "Member since 1991" right on the card.

I called and cancelled the card. They said, "We'll deactivate it, keep it for emergencies." I told them to cancell the card completely, I didn't want it for emergencies unless it was made out of beef jerky and I was lost in the Great North Woods and had already eaten the good parts of my children. After being tranferred to many different drug dealers customer service reps I made it to a supervisor who at first asked me to, "play a nice game of Solitare" and then, what seemed like hours later, I awoke with a knife wound in the New York City Subway with a note pinned to my chest that said they had removed my account completely, thanks for calling Discover.

Two days later I recieved a Pre-approved Discover Card in the mail. I would continue to get one a day for about three years. No, I am not kidding. I checked each one to make sure it wasn't a renewal of my "closed" account.

Now in a desperate effort to remain a single-income family in a multi-income world, and also to maintain our white-midwestern-Christian stereotype and partly to annoy readers of the New York Times, maddmom and I have, over the past couple of years fallen into the "cult of Dave Ramsey". In other words, we use cash. Failing cash, we use debit. Failing Debit, we don't buy it.

It annoys the hell out of me, because we weren't in debt when we started, but now I'm not allowed to buy anything unless it's in the budget. Which means I have to wait. And I hate that. Not that I buy much anyway, but when little things, like ice cream, run out and there's no more cash in the "ice cream" envelope you think, "hell, what's three bucks?" Well, two years in I can tell you that that three bucks is three bucks toward the new tires you need on the van, and nothing beats walking into a tire place and knowing you won't still be paying for the tires three years after you've sold the car. (Because you've been paying for them the previous two years, that's why you have no new socks and have lost so much weight. It's a tradeoff, like I said.) So after the failure of the international banking system, while the rest of you are freezing to death in the new Ice Age caused by Global Warming, I'll have plenty of readily availible green tinder to start camp fires while my sons and I drive around in the last of the V6 minivan interceptors, wearing motocross leathers and looking for good breeding stock to repopulate the world with mail carriers so we can deliver twenty years of backed up credit card offers to the people of America, restoring hope and national pride. Except for where it's flooded, of course.

Anyway, last night I gave the camera to The Beast and he filled up the memory card while we were playing with Play-doh and the Prince and Dangeresque! were doing homework. I'll get those pictures up later.

When I get home I'm gonna punch your momma in the mouth.

4/19/2007

Yes, Daddy.

The Bandit is back. I'm taking my kids out of school and selling the house. This is a must have.

Well now...

NBC decided to air the suicide note that the phycotic murderer of 32 people mailed to them in the middle of his killing spree.

I think that was stupid. Especially so soon after the murders. Especially with the 24/7 news coverage that has people of all ages glued to the TV and internet. Bad call. There are enough crazy people out there that at least one will see this guy as he saw the Columbine murderers. A martyr for the paranoid.

Bad call.

I was reading an editorial on MSNBC this morning where some guy mentions that "conservative" pundits were calling for less restrictive gun control in the "idiotic" opinion that there would have been fewer casualties if there had been an armed student or students in that building.

Well, I must be an idiot then because I agree with the "conservatives".

Bringing guns on to that campus was illegal. The campus police were there to protect thousands of unarmed students, many herded into rooms with one exit. There was no armed gaurd in any of the buildings. One brave student or professor with a gun, knife, sword or pointy stick might have been able to subdue this guy. The one with the gun would probably have the best chance. These kids were sitting ducks for this type of attack. And let me tell you something, I would bet that even if there were guns in that building, there wouldn't be as many people running to confront this guy and having a stand-up shootout in the hall as some people think. I can tell you from experience, that having a gun pointed at you is not fun. It happened to me twice, both times I nearly crapped my pants, and both times it was the police doing the pointing and I was very, very co-operative. I can't imagine what it would be like if they were shooting at me, but I think it'd probably be worse. I don't think I'm a coward, I just don't want to die.

Now I may or may not own a gun, but I can tell you that I probably wouldn't bring my gun to German class. I don't think there's much cause for it. Except on rare occasions like the other day at Virginia Tech. I think most gun owners and students would agree with me there and that would be another reason why there wouldn't be many people blazing away at that homicidal maniac in the hallway. I would have liked to have had a gun on my when I worked late in downtown Louisville, or Tuesday night when I was lost in my rental car and driving around downtown Richmond, VA. And as a matter of fact, I probably would have carried every day at my old job, but guns were off-limits in the building I worked in. It, like Virginia Tech, was a gun-free zone.

We were told all about the gun-free zone when we had new hire orientation at my old job. We were told guns were off limits, but the desktops were bullet-proof. So hide under your desk if there's a workplace shooting.

No, I am not kidding.

You see, a couple of weeks after I was hired I was told that the guy I replaced was let go because he was arrested for murder and convicted for shooting a guy who had blackballed him from a fraternity.

I took this guy's job.

He was given a new trial on a technicality and is free on bond pending that. So, if he was guilty, he probably was the type of guy to hold a grudge. Some of the people I worked with might have pissed him off, who knows? I'm just saying that I think that there maybe was a higher risk at my old employer of a workplace shooting, and thanks to the sign on the door, everyone knew that there was nobody inside the building able to fight back.

Here's something a lot of gun-rights people like to tell the gun-control crowd, and something I think makes a lot of sense. If you are so committed to gun control, put a "Gun-Free Household" sign in the front window of your house.

Yeah, me neither.

An Air Law Update from Bill Geist

4/17/2007

Important information for bag checkers.

Buffering..buffering...buffering...BOOM..buffering...

Civillian EOD cotractors detonating 100 tons:

""

The end Times

4/16/2007

The New York Times screwed up an obituary. Kurt Vonnegut's obituary. Scroll down to the corrections.

How does that happen? Does no-one read any more?

Nope. People pretend to have read. They read summaries, they read criticism, they read blurbs and book jackets. They go to class and listen to the professor. But they don't read.

It shouldn't take you a day to figure out that Kilgore Trout was in "God Bless You Mr. Rosewater", or that Billy Pilgrim was a Chaplain's assistant, not a scout.

It just shouldn't.

Especially if you're the New York Times.

Lower the drinking age?

Back to 18? Hell yes.

I would support beer at sixteen hard liquor at eighteen.

From the link:

American adults age 18, 19 and 20 can marry, adopt children, serve on juries, enter into binding legal contracts, operate businesses, employ others, go to prison, be executed, obtain abortions, engage in legal games of chance (gamble), hunt with deadly weapons, fly airplanes, drive automobiles and other vehicles, purchase pornography, vote, and risk their lives by serving in the United States military. However, they can’t legally enjoy a drink.

By calling young adults “kids,” many anti-alcohol activists attempt to deny their adulthood and to justify denying them the right to consume alcoholic beverages legally.


I can't tell you how much I agree with this. An 18 year old may be immature, be he or she is certainly no child. And yet, that's the way they are treated, so that's the way they act.

I have always thought that the drinking age should be lowered and the driving age should be raised. Not because I was an under aged drinker, although I was a fantastic under aged drinker (almost going pro senior year but didn't get the draft I wanted), but because I was an absolutely horrendous teen aged driver.

Here's a little fact I picked up from Googling DUI:
34

The average age of a person arrested in Tampa for drunk driving


The MADD people have become neo-prohibitionist, trying to outlaw drinking alcohol instead of trying to teach people about safe driving. As such, they've sponsored legislation that lowers the BAC for DUI to such a ridiculous level that mouthwash could get you thrown in jail in some states. That doesn't help bars and restaurants, a business that is already hurting from the anti-smoking crusade. But that's the point, make it too hard to enjoy a drink in public and soon no-one will sell it.

Hint

4/12/2007

Open letter to new parents:

If the stroller you wish to take on your flight to Disney has more cupholders than your minivan, you might want to rethink your choice.

Or drive.

Violence Disrupts Philadelphia Peace Vigil

4/11/2007

"Police believe the shooting was part of a turf war between two groups of young girls who were attending the vigil."

Girls?

What, did Rizzo yell, "From you to me, Pinky Lee!" and start blazing away with her nine at the mofo's on the corner?

As the cause of many a chick turf war, I'd just like to say that I've successfully avoided gunplay by just telling the babes that there's plenty of maddad to go 'round. You know how it is, the chicks, they dig maddad.

I still remember...

'Katie's Notebook' Item Cribbed From W.S. Journal - washingtonpost.com

I still remember that Katie Couric was the commencement speaker at my college Graduation...and I remember her speech being a trite recitation of pages from "Life's Little Instruction Book." Unfortunately I was sober throughout. I stood next to two guys who I had gone to High School with. It was the first time I had seen either on campus, which was funny. One of them asked the question on everyone's lips, "Who is this lady?". Not a lot of college kids in 1992 were watching "Good Morning America."

Just in case you haven't figured it out yet, your televised evening news? Entertainment. Same goes for all of your cable news channels. They aren't there to provide any type of "service" they are an inexpensive way for the networks to make money.

Watch your local news one night, you'll see all sorts of ads for the TV network you're watching. On top of that they'll advertise that this newscast "gets results." What the hell is that? I don't want results, I want news. What if I don't approve of the "results" your "powerful investigative team" gets? What if I'd rather you tell me what the weather, traffic and sports are and leave the six part series on the local effects of climate change out? Tell me who got shot, what caught on fire, who got arrested and how many of the idiots we voted for voted for what bill. I don't need to know if there's an "epidemic" of teenaged girls huffing drain cleaner and showing their boobies to traffic cameras. I don't need to see "the dangers of MySpace", and I don't need to know that there's a cute doggie who is going to suck the pipe if some fat lady in pink stirrup pants and a sweat-stained Tweetybird T-Shirt doesn't come an adopt him and bring him home to her trailer so her four grandbabies (three really, we think one's adopted, we'll ask his momma when she gets out) have something they can train to kill rats.

At this point I get all my "news" from the pregnant ladies on the weather channel.

Geek bait

4/10/2007

My Twonkyvision trial expired, and even though I liked it a lot, I don't want to shell out for something that is running on a development platform. If I was running stable, supported software, I would defiately buy it.

I also burned a Geexbox disk and tried it out this morning. I gotta say, pretty cool stuff going on there. Maybe someday I'll get the wife to let me buy a TV out card.

On the other hand,
ushare is underwhelming, so I went and downloaded the newest Gmediaserver but it won't compile. Don't ask me why, it's telling me I don't have the upnp libraries, and I do. I was using them this morning.

I guess I'm going to have to hack around some to get this working again, not happy.

On the family front, Nuber Two has decided he no longer wants to be called Number Two, his new name will have to be...

Dangeresque.

That's right. Dangeresque.

No more slacking...

4/09/2007

Yeah, right. You get nothing but pictures. With snarky captions.





Color those eggs or I swear we'll eat the damn bunny and it'll be all your fault! AND BE HAPPY DAMMIT! Lookit the Prince....GRRRRRRRRRRRRR! And he was having fun. It's a shame you can't see maddmom here, she was looking good.






They actually were having a good time. Really.









See? Look at this happy guy.






They got busy once they realized that Easter dinner was egg salad.






Easter morning MAAAAAAADHHHOOOOUUUUSSSSEEE!




He ate all of that candy in sixteen minutes. Sixteen.






Bad day at work for this guy.

4/05/2007

The setup is too long, but the payoff is listening to the Admissions guy spin, spin, spin.

The prank is pretty good too.

You're so lame...

4/04/2007

Right, I'm lame. You're going to have to put up with a bunch of links for the next couple, as I am just not in the mood. If you need entertainment, go here and read how a guy in England gets a sore ass and blames it on snowboarding. Right.

Maybe we should change his name to Lois?

Tuesday Links

4/03/2007

Because I have nothing to say.

Bypass Pay WiFi With Ping Tunnel

Superman is a Dick

Opening Day

4/02/2007

77 degrees and sunny. I'm stuck in the basement digging out from quarter-end.

This is for everyone who's stuck indoors with me.