OK, get this. I went to the doctor yesterday because for the last month or so I've have real problems on and off with my hip. Actually over the last 2 weeks, I haven't been able to do anything because of it. Sleeping's been rough, sitting at my desk, typing a stupid blog, driving a car, all of it sucked.
And I've had some big things going on and I kind of need to be paying attention. So off to the doctor's I went.
He gave me pills.
Not the good kind of pills, because I couldn't take those, I've got too much to do. He gave me some kind of steroid to fix inflammation. Hell, if I knew what they were I'd be a doctor, but I don't, because I'm not. What I am, though, is the owner of a messed-up hip, so when I tell you that I took these two tiny pills this morning I was astounded at how quickly they worked. Like in minutes.
My hip is fixed. Like in ten minutes, In fact:
I'm so hip, I'm going to start using the word "bro".
Like you all, I thought that the word "bro" was like the word "rad". A creation of the entertainment industry that wanted to look cool without actually using any of the offensive slang words that the crazy kids were actually using.
Did you ever, in your entire life, ever, hear anyone use the word "rad"? Not some douchebag kid on TV, but a real person? No, you didn't. And if you did, I'm sure there was a reason, like you were home schooled by your sister who was really, really into "Saved By the Bell" and "Silver Spoons" reruns. And snorting a lot of crank, provided by her dealer/pimp/boyfriend who pretty much lived on your couch, lighting farts and picking scabs off his track marks. He wore a lot of neon and acid wash and thought Timbuk3 was, "like, the coolest new wave out there."
That guy said "rad."
Like "rad", "bro" is a made-up word that TV people say when the can't simply add a garden variety obscenity to a normal English word. This happens all the time in TV world and eventually some douchebag on the outside decides it must be real "street" to say "bro" or "rad' or "dawg".
Sometimes it works, most of the time it doesn't, witness the aforementioned "rad", only spoken in public by kids in cereal commercials, Ricky Schroeder and the above mentioned douche. "Dawg", hell, the only one who ever fell for that crap was Garry Trudeau, he though college kids
said that last time I read Doonesbury. That was sometime in the '90s, right about the time I realised Garry Trudeau is hopelessly out of touch.
Anyway, now that my hip is repaired I've noticed a preponderance of TV douchebags saying "bro". "Hey, bro, wassup." "I got your back, bro." "Bro, that's not cool."
First, it's been established that no one says "bro", they say "dude" or "asshole" or "motherfucker" or they may even use a person's given name, but they will never say "bro". Unless they want a cockpunch, see the second point.
Second, watching TV last night, I heard the word "bro' so many times I actually had to be physically restrained from punching myself
in the cock (thanks, brave frog!). So obviously this is some kind of mind control plant by Roger Ailes or Summer Redstone or the USA network to turn the whole country into a bunch of squealing, Martha Stewart wearing douchebags who watch "The View".
I mean, Christ, didn't you people watch Monday Night Football? Fist, Kornheiser talks about "The View" and then Jaws squeals like a baby at the giant inflateable Eagle in the endzone, then McNabb goes and crys like a bitch because he doesn't understand the difference between being a black quarterback and being a good quarterback.
And you'd think that by now he'd understand that he plays ball in Philadelphia and not some city that, you know, has a quarterback that didn't
choke in the Superbowl.
I'm telling you, it's a conspiracy.