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Well, everyone got sick here at the McMahonion over Christmas, some sort of stomache flu. Nasty.

Then yesterday I came down with something, something I still have. I'm nauseous and my head is killing me, my bowels were in an uproar and my sinuses are clogged. I blame Dick Cheney.

Anyway, yesterday I felt like I had motion sickness most of the day and ended up watching a lot of TV. Too much actually. I think I've seen everything there is, TV is done, there is nothing new on.

On the other hand, I'm thinking about getting diabetes, just for the free stuff.



Looky here


See it? Someone came here from China.

China. I'm sharing my ideas with someone from China.

Well, from my lips to your adorable little Chinese ears...

Dear foreigners,

By "foreigners" I mean specifically Chinese or Mexicans. Or anyone who happens to look Chinese or Mexican. Or both, like that little guy from "Fantasy Island" and some Italians. Not the tall, blond Italians who make clothes, the small hairy Italians who park cars. You know the kind that make Lou Dobbs demand to see the manager when he presents his valet ticket. I'm gonna include backpacking Germans in this list too. Not because they look like Chinese or Mexicans, but because I just don't like backpacking Germans. No one does, really. I mean, Sean Hannity isn't losing his shit over invading hordes of backpacking Germans every night, but he should be. And he would be if he understood the threat that backpacking Germans posed to the theme park industry here in the states, especially with the weak dollar. Seriously, when was the last time you ordered an elephant ear from a by-God redneck for Christs sake? First it's the theme parks, then the State Fair, next it'll be the Flea Markets, then no honest-to-goodness sister-screwing hillbilly will have a chance to make a buck in this corporatocracy. Where the hell is Bill O'Reilly on this issue? He and Dobbs are to tall fuckers, aren't they? I bet they have some German blood in them, I just bet...

Anyway, to the Chinamen and other tiny people who have somehow travelled across the vast reaches of time and space on those itty-bitty feet to drink at the font of my wisdom, I'd like to say thanks for doing that google search for Tamagotchi porn and finding my site. You can learn a lot about this great big world from my site, and I would like to list some of maddad's managing principles that you can take back to your land and have your chief scribe scratch on to a rock, or tattoo on a virgin who gets thrown into a volcano or what ever else they do in your imaginary land of Chinopolis.

1)What I do in my bedroom is none of your business. What you do in your bedroom is none of my business, unless you go on and tell me what you do in your bedroom. In that case I am allowed to say, "gross" and hold you in contempt for shoving mechanical pencils up your ass and shit. It's just not right, so stop telling me about it already. Also, don't film it and think it won't get uploaded to the internet. Don't even audio tape it. Also, if I think it's gross, it's gross. So don't sue me or try and send my ass to rehab because you told me you like put your penis somewhere it shouldn't.

2)When some jerk says they want to enact a "sin" tax to help the poor, what they mean is that the rich people are too smart to let some jerk raise their taxes, but the poor people who smoke, drink beer from cans, and can't afford to not take advantage of the dollar menu at McDonalds when they are shuttling their kids between daycare and Gramma's before they have to be back at work in their gas-guzzling, fifteen year old Suburban that they had to buy because they couldn't fit the three mandatory "child safety seats" in the back seat of the Honda well, you can tell those idiots anything as long as you tell them you're for the "working class."

2a) And still a favorite. Anytime you hear a politician say "For the Children", hang on to your wallet.

3) If you bought a house you can't afford, I'm not going to help you pay it off. If the government makes me, I reserve the right to call you and all of your family assholes. Because that's what you are, assholes who took my money. You assholes.

3a) Oh that's right, the banks made you do it. Right. You're an asshole.

4)Most people aren't scared of terrorists. Nope, we're not. But we're pretty fucking pissed. So if some shithead hops on a plane and yells "Allah Akbar" and gets the shit kicked out of him, he deserves it. It's like wearing a Cowboys jersey at an Eagles game. Try and sue, then try and find your car.

5) Quit praying on TV. It's none of my business and it's annoying. Plus there are people who pray for a living who do it better than you, like the Pope. But I don't vote for the Pope, and wouldn't want to anyway because he'd probably raise my taxes.

6)Someone said to me "Do you have any idea how much the internet would cost if the government didn't subsidize it with tax money?" My answer, "I'd be able to afford it if I wasn't paying so much in taxes."

7)Bill Gates wants to cure Malaria. Hey Bill, $46 billion dollars will buy a shitload of DDT. If I can't get rid of Outlook Express without some collateral damage, what makes you think you can stop a disease?

8) Do you people have any idea how much corn there is? I'm guessing no. I'm looking at you, Lou Dobbs.

9)Free-range, grass fed beef cattle produce tough, stringy, low fat beef. It's good, but it's not as good as the corn-fed, hormone and antibiotic injected, feed lot raised kind. Trust me, I got both in my freezer right now.

10) Wal-mart has significantly raised the standard of living in this country. It employs people who need employing and sells us things that we could ordinarily not afford, or even want. God bless you, Wal-Mart.

11) If your small-town book store goes out of business, don't blame Wal-Mart. Blame your decision to stock sixteen copies of each book you read in your Intro to British 19th century Lit 101 class instead of the latest bullshit from Hannity, Britney Spears ex-hairdresser and Ann Coulter. No one buys the lefty books, people take them out of the library.

12) You want my vote? Leave me alone.

13) I mean it.

14) If you want, you could fix my parking tickets.

15) There is no 15.

16) Don't assume that I agree with you, or anybody else. Because I don't and you are wrong.

17) That's not an argument, that's a fact.

18) I don't agree with them either.

19) I've given it lots of thought, and I really don't care if professional athletes take steroids.

20) I do care if the coach cheats. Got that Patriots fans?

Now type that up and airmail it back to the country of your origin, or beat it out on drums, I don't care how it gets there, this is information the world not only wants, it needs. The world would be a better place if we were all like maddad.

As opposed to me, who is maddad.

How true


December 27, 2003

Four years today

1219 posts, including this one.

I'm pretty astonished that I've kept it up, honestly. I've given up most of my other bad habits except for this one. Hell, since my back surgery I've even stopped exercising.

I've had One new kid, two jobs, two houses, two new cars, a major home remodel, four cell phones, eight frogs, two fish, three little league championship games, two little league championships, and an untold number of AAU basketball and soccer games.

We've had two broken arms, one back surgery, and one hospitalization for something that may have been appendicitis, but wasn't.

I've been to thirty seven states and one Canadian province. My kids have been to four different schools and my oldest son started middle school.

I've quit smoking, gained 30 pounds, lost 20 pounds and started to gain it back. The notebook computer I got in 2001 finally bit the dust, but the one I got in 1997 is still going strong, slow, but strong.

I quit driving into an office everyday almost three years ago. I've had four laptop bags, after having the same one for the four previous years.

I've completely changed my career, four years ago I would have peed myself at the thought of doing what I do now.

I stopped reading non-fiction, and started reading fiction. With the exception of this blog, and my yearly performance reviews, I have yet to start writing any fiction.

This blog has had three templates.

The three hundred dollars I used to start my expense account is now down to one hundred and seventy-one dollars. At its lowest point, in November, I had twenty-three dollars to work with.

I switched from cable to DSL.

This year I had five job interviews. That brings the total number of job interviews in the past four years to seven.

I'm on my second set of exercise equipment, I bought it last Christmas. I guess it's time to start using it again. I keep bringing it up.

Back when I started this blog, I used to drive past a sign that showed the running powerball total twice a day. Every day I'd think, "today is the day I'm buying a lottery ticket." I never bought one, and I completely stopped daydreaming about winning the lottery when I stopped driving past the sign. Until a couple of months ago, when Yahoo dropped the powerball jackpot total onto my "My Yahoo" page. Now I feel poor again.

I had just turned 33 when I started this. At the time, I felt kinda grown up. I'd like to be 33 now, that's a good age. You've got at least a year or two before things start falling off.

I used to read about fifteen websites daily. One blogger died, four sites went belly-up, two of my regular reads lost their minds and Fark, well Fark got kinda annoying. I now hit max two of those sites a day, if I feel like it.

In four years of blogging, the post that gets the most hits is the post I did about installing eLive and wireless to work on my now defunct Toshiba laptop. Lesson learned; you want hits, pander to the Linux geeks.

In four years of blogging I've had a total of twenty-one comments. Four of those were from my wife. I realise I'm not the world's greatest blogger, but 20 comments for 1200 posts? What the hell? I get 400 hits a month (don't laugh). I figure someone out there would want to call me a dirty name. I mean, at the very least.

I have backed up this site once, about 18 months ago, maybe I'll do it again some day.

Anyway, that's four years for what it's worth.

Happy Kwanzaa, again.


Happy Kwanzaa!

Now that Christmas is over, celebrate by promoting diversity and making our brother's and sister's problems our own...

Oh to hell with it, just remember, when you are shooting at the rival faction of the Black Studies department at the local university, you are celebrating a rich tradition of togetherness...

Unless you're white, in which case you may burn if you choose, or just send money.

Happy Happy!

This, BTW, ain't remotely safe for work. TCB: typical cracka behavior.

I'm home


Cincinnati, Charlotte, Charleston WV, Newark, New York City, Atlanta. Oh yeah, Louisville, but that doesn't count.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I'm not ready. Not ready at all. I'm officially, according to maddmom, almost 40. Good God. When you turn 40 doesn't your pecker fall off? I got just a couple years of good use left?

Today I'm taking the boys Christmas shopping, oh boy. Just think, in a couple years I'll just be another crankless old man in Dockers, wandering around the mall ogling the under-aged girls and towing four tall, skinny boys, each with a $200 cloud of AXE body spray and bug repellant.


Airport blogging


The Charleston, WV airport has free Wi-Fi. Cincinnati, Philadelphia,
Newark, and O'Hare to name just a few, do not. Memphis does. Why is

I'll tell you why, people in larger cities will put up with a lot
more aggravation than people in smaller towns.

So airport delays are expected, and you are also expected to suck up
the extra cost for Wi-Fi. Or deal with your tethered Blackberry. Or
just sit and stew in your own juice until you can't take it anymore
and you stab the wookie who's sleeping across the only three seats
close enough to the power outlet to re-charge your phone.

I've got the laptop and the phone plugged in, I'm sipping on a nice
cup of decaf, I have my shoes off and Nickelodeon is on the suspended
TV because there's a couple of families with small kids here. I think
that's nice, and at least as funny as the CNN show I saw last night in
Cincinnati. Well, maybe not that funny, but close.

Evidently it is suprising to the pundits at CNN that Bill Clinton is
campaigning for his wife. I'll admit, I was shocked too, but you
know, that guy will suprise you. I wouldn't want my wife to be
president, let me tell you. I'd end up ambassador to Mali or

Well, I'm off to visit the nice, clean bathroom. Enjoy your stay,
don't step on the curtains.

Into the belly of the beast


Yeeee-haw! It's the homestretch, and I'll be running flat-out for the wire. I have done no Christmas shopping yet, I have no cash left in my expense account, nothing back from the insurance company yet, and the estimates on flood repairs? Well, they're really moe like guidelines...right? So naturally what do I do? I head out to do that voodoo that I do so well. So I'll be on the road between now and Christmas.

Does this happen every year? Maybe.

At any rate, I get to see New York City at Chistmas time, under a couple of inches of dirty old yellow snow and that should cheer me up. At least when I get back home it will.

We've been to three Christmas programs so far and tonight I will miss one more. I'll be at the airport and I'm secretly relieved. Well, maybe not so secretly relieved anymore, but hell, no one will read this anyway.

Speaking of blogs, I was reading some this weekend and I hit a link where some "important" blogger at Wired was telling the world that if you didn't have twice the number of links in your blog versus original posts you were some kind of an asshole. So my response is to post a link to a post without a link on my own blog. How's that, asshole?

In other words, have a coke and a smile and shut the fuck up.

Most of this blogging bullshit is just people like me, who would be writing on walls or putting notes in bottles or sitting on a park bench and writing about our cats in a notebook while wearing funky square glasses and a hand-made kilt with dark stockings and some kind of beret if we weren't hiding in the basement typing "deep thoughts" on the web.

We've got low enough self-esteem. We don't need some "famous" shithead who we've never heard of to tell us how to do this bullshit that no one reads anyway.

Next, some jerkoff is going to get upset that I don't spellcheck, or grammar check. Well, I've got news for you. Most of the time I'm typing this with my thumbs, on a screen the size of my big toenail. If there's a mispelling, good. I'm not checking it. And when you can find me a super easy way to put links in an email sent from a blackberry, I'll do it. Until then, you'll get no links, and you'll like it.

I also tend to stop and start typing all day, which is why I don't normally post until the afternoon, so my posts don't always follow a narrative. And, more to the point, I started this blog as a way to get the word "cocksucker" through the email filter at work. Just so I could type this:

The guy who wrote the post I'm writing about is a cocksucker.

And furthermore, don't tell me there are rules I should follow. I'm not going to follow your damn rules. I don't give a shit about you or your rules, so if you think I'm going to do or say something to impress you, you might as well try porking a pile of sand. It'll hurt less and you may enjoy it.

In short, fuck you and your rules. There's only one person who can tell me what to do and you ain't her.

Labels: , , ,

Let's try that again


That's better, thanks YouTube.

Christmas Card, UPDATED

UPDATE: So..now we know how well blogger video works....

My new favorite movie...


To be topped only by this...

Cleaning out the drafts.



Interrupting cow.

I got 46 emails in my non-spam account today. 44 of them spam. Gotta love Christmas time.

Maddmom is out and about, I'm gone all of next week, I have no money, she needs gift.

Internet to the rescue?

Hell no.

I'll teach Skippy some dirty jokes instead.

I will be focused tomorrow.



That's right, dirt slow. Too slow to post as a matter of fact. What's up with that?

I also have nothing much to say today, maddmom and I sent the morning at a funeral and it was sad. A good friend and a great neighbor passed away. She was eighty years old.

The problem with funerals is that you have a hard time with emotion. I was really happy to see my friend's family, but you have to be all somber and upset. Mostly because you are, but friends have returned! Let's all get together and have a party! Just don't know how to deal, so I just did the funeral thing. We'll catch up later.

Dear world


I put my Christmas lights up today. Maddmom is shopping. We have a
party to go to tomight and I'm pre-gaming with a white russian or two.

Dangeresque is doing majic tricks, the prince is bored and sulking,
the Beast had a meltdown and a four-hour nap (now he can't even
remember why he was upset) and skippy wants hot dogs.

I'm typing this on my phone while I make dinner for the boys.

I'm pretty damn lucky, I think.



So the big story is the release of the NIE and the headlines are that Iran halted its nuclear weapons program in the fall of 2003. (Wonder why they did that? Did something happen in 2003? I can't remember.)

So having absolutely no faith in newspapers or TV news any more, and being interested, I found the NIE on the web. And it's veeerrrrry interesting.

Here's some key differences between the May 2005 ICE and the new report:

May 2005
We have moderate confidence in projecting
when Iran is likely to make a nuclear
weapon; we assess that it is unlikely before
early-to-mid next decade.

Dec 2007
We judge with moderate confidence that the
earliest possible date Iran would be technically
capable of producing enough highly enriched
uranium (HEU) for a weapon is late 2009, but that
this is very unlikely. We judge with moderate
confidence Iran probably would be technically
capable of producing enough HEU for a weapon
sometime during the 2010-2015 time frame. (INR
judges that Iran is unlikely to achieve this
capability before 2013 because of foreseeable
technical and programmatic problems.)

OK, 2013 is mid-decade, right? Or am I wrong?

Here's another "Key difference"

May 2005
Iran could produce enough fissile material
for a weapon by the end of this decade if it
were to make more rapid and successful
progress than we have seen to date.

Dec 2007
We judge with moderate confidence that the
earliest possible date Iran would be technically
capable of producing enough highly enriched
uranium (HEU) for a weapon is late 2009, but that
this is very unlikely.

So, in 2005 it was determined that if Iran was to make more rapid and successful progress than had been seen to date...if...they could, could that is, produce enough fissile material to produce a bomb by the end of the decade, the end of the decade being December of 2009. By 2007 that had changed to OK, the earliest they could possibly get enough fissile material to get a bomb is... late 2009, but it's unlikely, but they... could.

I fail to see much of a difference here either.

So, where's the difference? Here:

May 2005
Assess with high confidence that Iran
currently is determined to develop nuclear
weapons despite its international
obligations and international pressure, but
we do not assess that Iran is immovable.

Dec 2007
Judge with high confidence that in fall 2003,
Tehran halted its nuclear weapons program. Judge
with high confidence that the halt lasted at least
several years. (DOE and the NIC have moderate
confidence that the halt to those activities
represents a halt to Iran's entire nuclear weapons
program.) Assess with moderate confidence
Tehran had not restarted its nuclear weapons
program as of mid-2007, but we do not know
whether it currently intends to develop nuclear
weapons. Judge with high confidence that the halt
was directed primarily in response to increasing
international scrutiny and pressure resulting from
exposure of Iran’s previously undeclared nuclear
work. Assess with moderate-to-high confidence
that Tehran at a minimum is keeping open the
option to develop nuclear weapons.

In 2005 we had high confidence that Iran was determined to make a nuclear bomb, but we thought they could be deterred. In 2007 we determined that they had been deterred, by international scrutiny.

Full disclosure, I had international scrutiny once, it's not pleasant. It burns quite a bit and has since deterred me from keeping company with Costa Rican transvestite strippers. If a whole freakin' country got it, well, goodwill shipments of penicillin are in order.

But we are pretty sure they are keeping their options open.

So, if you listen to the news, or read the newspapers you would think now would be the time to relax the pressure on Iran, right? After all they stopped trying to make a nuclear weapon, for some reason, in 2003 (something really must have got their attention, I'd love to know what that might have been). Of course, nothing else has changed. We still think they have the capability to develop a nu-ku-lar weapon by the middle of the next decade, and we still think that they want to do it, they might not be actually doing it now, but they were, and might again, could be now, were not 100% sure.

So by all means, let's reduce the pressure on the government of Iran

You know, I'm so glad this document was declassified. It just helps so much.

These fucking guys are geniuses.

Strange Story


The 'dead' canoeist John Darwin, his wife and the Panama connection



A day that was supposed to ease me in to the rest of a week filled with conference calls, swim-team pickups, Boy scout meetings and one by-god rented movie turned into one hell of a crazy day.
Looks like instead of playing chauffer I'm headed to the airport, my Friday full of Dr's appointments and personal errands will be spent on a plane or two and that movie I rented?  Looks like it's pre-empting the second half of that "Tin Man" movie on Sci-Fi I started watching last night.
I managed to re-schedule nearly everything but one call which I will do from the comfort of my volvo on my way to my re-scheduled Dr's appointment.    Hope they don't mind my taste in music, because I'm not turning it down.  It's almost the holidays, man!
Anyway, the temperature dropped almost fourty degrees here last night, wind chill was 16 this morning.  I'm not ready, not at all.  I might just get in the car and drive someplace warm.