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Things I've learned


1. A person's mood is directly correlated to the amount of television news that they've watched in the past week.

2. Sweet tea is nectar of the gods. Not nectar of maddad's. Want those avodart commercials to make you paranoid? Drink three 20 ounce cups of sweet tea and drive from St Louis to Louisville. You'll start counting the pee breaks by fives.

3. Once a firm advocate of the 1 hour workout body part split every other day, then the 30 minute every day with upper and lower body split, I now swear by the 1 hour whole body workout three days a week with moderate (very moderate sometimes nonexistant) cardio on days off. Check back in a month, I'll swear by something else.

4. When used regularly, exercise equipment bought from a retailstore lasts about 1 to 1.5 years.

5. The older I get the more I stink.

6. Most people are faking it at work. It's OK, they'll get it done, but that irritating know-it-all attitude? Cover.

7. I'd rather sit on the couch and watch cartoons with my kids than go out to dinner with a group of adults.

8. Most people would rather shave their taint than pick up a telephone and call someone.

9. I'd rather shave my taint than answer a ringing telephone.

10. I do not have the genetics to ever look like the homosexual men who pose on the cover of Men's Health. My guess is that in order for your abs to show you must develop an irrisistable craving for the cawk to the exclusion of all other foods besides powerbars, skinless, boneless chicken and appletinis. My predisposition to a double chin, love handles and freakishly Mormon-sized family are genetic markers for a heterosexual man.

11. Villanova will lose to Kansas. Next year they'll go out in the second round of the NIT. In 2010, they will get to the Final Four. In 2011, all of the starters in 2010 will either be in the NBA or playing in Europe. Phil Martelli will still be the local media darling on the radio in Philly.

All the way home.


I'm home a day late from St Louis. I spent five hours thinking of what I would post when I got home, but I forgot. So this is what you get when maddad doesn't have email access from his blackberry.

And I get to not drive the car off the road while I try to type, so I got that going for me/us.

Narcizzle foshizzle


Wide-grip pull ups, made four sets of 10 for the first time today. Weep for yourselves.

Also, squats for the first time since back sugery, my ass is like iron baby, iron!.

Whatever. I saw a picture of myself that mddmom took the other day and I still look like a fat old guy with a pointy nose and double chin. Kind of like the dad from the movie Beetelgeuse, if he had graying hair.

By rights I should look like the Baldwin guy, but no, I don't. I should, but I don't.

Maybe news in the next couple of weeks. I said Maybe,it will be Q2 and things are beginning to shake loose.

I might be joining him...

that's a hint.

A grand day out


The Prince is on his way to his great adventure in the nation's capitol. He flew there on his own, pretty exciting stuff. His mother and I managed to not completely dissolve into a bucket of nerves until he was actually on the plane, which was a good thing. He himself was so exicted he could hardly speak. At any rate, it took him less time to fly to DC than it took me to get home from the aiport. He was on the phone with his mom when I got home. Go figure.

I am home for two days then on the road for three and next week I'm back in the city of big shoulders. I hope that I stop bringing the snow with me. We had a snowstorm Easter Sunday (read "yesterday") after having temps in the 60's all week while I was away.

I think it's me.

I'm having an awful time concentrating, and I'm only typing this because I don't want to do the other stuff I have to do, like my expense reports and time cards (stupidly but accurately plural). Something's gotta give, they say, and they may be right. Next week number six on the road. No comment but blood from stone, two places at once etc etc etc.

Still don't like Vista and I can't find the key board applet, so I actively dislike my new keyboard. Actually, with the mood I'm in I actively dislike everything.

Kids are on Spring Break, I should be too. Next year I will be.

Luck of the Oshit


First day of Spring and I'm going to have to drive through eight inches of snow.

Well, actually it's four inches, but since I'm Irish we'll call it eight.

I've been driving around Chicago all week, working; and I've noticed something. You can't tell the Chicago suburbs from South Jersey. I took the train into the city today and would honestly not have been suprised to hear the conductor announce the towns on the Patco High Speed Line. There was a Westmont, so I'm glad I wasn't asleep. I just might have freaked out. At any rate, maddmom could move in up here without blinking an eye.

I guess the biggest suprise of this trip was the Union Station Food Court. That's the best Food Court I've ever seen in a major metropolitan transit hub. Really outstanding. Way to go Chicago. Now warm the fuck up.

Did I tell you about the snow? And the whole place is under construction. That is going to be fun. Eight inches, a rental chevy and Jersey barriers, makes for a great time! Or Prom night in Mount Holly, either one is good for me. Police are usually called sometime close to the end of the night. And I always end up owing somebody money.



David Mamet comes to a realization.

The other week while on business I spent a good amount of time in the company of a guy who was "conservative". I know because he told me. And he asked me if I was "conservative". I told him exactly what I tell Baptists when they ask me if I've been saved, "I don't take anything for granted."

And that's true, because honestly you don't know any more. I've always been a pretty happy two-issue conservative, I'm pro-life and anti-taxes. I don't know what else they want from me. And now, I don't care.

I've just about given up on any type of ideology, anyway. I'm now a pragmatist. If yo promise to build a new bridge across the river, I'll vote for you as long as you do it with someone else's money. You're gonna give me a tax break, you got my vote. You'll legalize Sunday booze sales and topless car washes and make back tattoos and hip-hop cell phone ringtones illegal? I'm voting for you.

In short, like I said four years ago. If you want me to vote for you, buy a pickup truck and tell me I can use it whenever I want.

It's Friday


I'm done by God. Done, done, done.

I've made and cancelled travel reservations for next week three times, had seven meetings, jacked up my neck and nearly melted the battery in my cell phone. I'm tired and bitchy and want a drink. It's a Lenten friday and all I want is a big goddamn burger.

I'm outta here.

I am client number 11


I just had to get that off of my chest. Tens of thousands of dollars I've wasted, but let's face it, I'm getting a pss because I made an agreement with maddmom that I'd never run for office.

You see that way, when I get caught banging blonde Asian hookers with super-large breast implants three at a time, maddmom doesn't have to stand next to me on TV.

Crackin' Up


No, I'm not, that's just a song by the Jesus and Mary Chain. I've just been a little wound up is all.

It's been a long year, a lot happened, I should be glad the only thing wrong with me is a recurring nightmare.

I am glad I wrote it down. It helped, I wasn't nearly as freaked out last night...oh wait...I didn't have it last night because I had to wake up at 3 am to get to the airport on time. Silly me. I had no idea you needed to be asleep to have dreams. We'll see what happens tonight. I'm in Central time, and I'm sleeping as soon as I get finished with this. I had a sixteen hour work day. Gotta love it.


Odd that that would come up...


When I was younger I had a recurring dream that I always wanted to write down. It was an odd dream, and I knew it was a dream when I was having it, so maybe I was awake. Thing is, it was nearly always exactly the same. It got to a point where I had the damn thing memorized, like a movie you've seen a million times.

When I was a kid, an older girl who lived in our neighborhood ran away from home one night. It was during the Olympics, I remember that, but I can't remember if it was the '80 or '76 Olympics. If it was the '80 Olympics, it was the winter games and if it was '76 it was the Montreal summer games. At any rate, we were watching the Olympics when this girl ran away from home, and some neighbor's came to the door looking for her.

The dream I have sorta picks up and embellishes on that scene, I don't know why. This teen aged girl runs away from home, everyone is out looking for her, but they don't find her.

As far as I know, they found the girl who ran away in my neighborhood, so this is where the stories diverge.

What happens next is hard to explain, but the girl stops to tell some people that she's running away, I'm not one of the people she wants to talk to, but I'm there. I'm about 13-14 years old, me and a friend are watching the Olympics with my older brother (who looks nothing like my real older brother, but then I wasn't 14 until after the '84 Olympics either) and three of his friends. They are all several years older than me and my friend, and maybe a year or two older than the runaway girl.

At any rate, the older boys offer to give her a ride somewhere and my friend and I go with, but something happens and I get left behind. Actually, sometimes I get left behind, sometimes my friend gets left behind. In the end though, neither me or my friend make it to the end of the ride.

Then the dream shifts. I'm much older, something has happened to my older brother and it has something to do with the girl who ran away. My friend is obsessed with the girl and is convinced she is dead, even though her family denies it, and the supposed "dead" girl has written him letters.

I know the girl is NOT dead because I dated her while I attended college in some big city somewhere, evidently we had met by accident. I was a student, she was an artist I think. You see, I don't see that part in the dream, I know that part. At any rate, my brother's friends tell me in no uncertain terms to convince my friend that the runaway girl is still alive. And that's what I'm doing when I wake up, usually trying to stop my friend from breaking up a cement floor in the basement of a Community College building where he works as a custodian.

It's a pretty vivid dream. It never really changes. But I haven't had it in years. Since I had kids, anyway.

Until last night. And it changed. It changed BIG time. And it scared the crap out of me.

I used to wake up with a feeling of anxiety when I had this dream, like there was something I forgot to do, or there was something someone wanted me to do that I knew I was unable to do. Not last night. When I woke up this morning I was sweating like a pig and I was scared to death.

Let's just say some parts of the dream that were usually skipped were filled in, I now understand some of the motivation behind some of the people in the dream. The dialog, such as it is, in the dream makes sense now.

I'm going to have to write it down. Or see a psychiatrist. I just hope, that if I ever have this dream again, it reverts to the old version. I know it's not real, but it sure as hell felt real, too real.


PS: every single time I wrote the word "friend" in this post, I misspelled it. Every. Single. Time.

Moms allegedly brawl at Chuck E. Cheese - Yahoo! News


Moms allegedly brawl at Chuck E. Cheese.

"Allegedly" my ass. Have you ever been to a Chuck E Cheese? We went this weekend. We weren't there fifteen minutes befre I had to drag maddmom away from the "horse in stirrup pants" hogging the last ski-ball machine for her kid. Everything was calm for a while, until I noticed this huge mountain of a woman in pink biker shors and a Tweety-bird T-shirt holding maddmom's head under the ball pit. You don't think that's too bad until you realize that there's about eight inches of pee in there an the balls are just floating on top. I had to grab the whole bucket of ranch dressing from the salad bar and hold it under the giant's nose before she'd let maddmom up for air. While the woman was busy chugging the bucket of mayo-based condiment maddmom hit her in the windpipe with a plastic fishing rod and set the whole thng off again. It wasn't until the hoss got stuck in the suspended hamster tubes that everyting calmed down. It was a lot of fun though, at least the Beast got topick out what kind of tattoo he wants to get. "I want an eagle that big, " he tells me, and then I have to explain that the ink hanging out of Mothra's back fat was supposed to be a tiny celtic knot.

Well, Hell.


Bad, bad mood.

Not just because it's Monday, either. My weekend was too short. I did't enjoy it because of the "new job" thing. That's not right.

When you take your kids to Chuck E Cheese because you promised you would as soon as you got a new job, you're supposed to be happy. I wasn't. And that's a shame, because The Beast and Skippy were adorable.

I'm missing good memories because of this bullshit and it's pissing me off. All the money in the goddamn world isn't worth this. I mean it. I'm sure something will break soon, but how soon? I'm going to end up whining like a bitch. (or moreso)

Anyway, Louisville beat Villanova this weekend. Period. End of sentance. Imagine some witty blog repartee on that. I saw a movie with the kids, Jeff Healey died and We bought the DVD for "Kung Pow, Enter the fist!" one of the funniest movies ever made and all I could think of was how I had to go to work at this stupid job this morning.

Good Lord I feel like I'm fucking trapped.