1. A person's mood is directly correlated to the amount of television news that they've watched in the past week.
2. Sweet tea is nectar of the gods. Not nectar of maddad's. Want those avodart commercials to make you paranoid? Drink three 20 ounce cups of sweet tea and drive from St Louis to Louisville. You'll start counting the pee breaks by fives.
3. Once a firm advocate of the 1 hour workout body part split every other day, then the 30 minute every day with upper and lower body split, I now swear by the 1 hour whole body workout three days a week with moderate (very moderate sometimes nonexistant) cardio on days off. Check back in a month, I'll swear by something else.
4. When used regularly, exercise equipment bought from a retailstore lasts about 1 to 1.5 years.
5. The older I get the more I stink.
6. Most people are faking it at work. It's OK, they'll get it done, but that irritating know-it-all attitude? Cover.
7. I'd rather sit on the couch and watch cartoons with my kids than go out to dinner with a group of adults.
8. Most people would rather shave their taint than pick up a telephone and call someone.
9. I'd rather shave my taint than answer a ringing telephone.
10. I do not have the genetics to ever look like the homosexual men who pose on the cover of Men's Health. My guess is that in order for your abs to show you must develop an irrisistable craving for the cawk to the exclusion of all other foods besides powerbars, skinless, boneless chicken and appletinis. My predisposition to a double chin, love handles and freakishly Mormon-sized family are genetic markers for a heterosexual man.
11. Villanova will lose to Kansas. Next year they'll go out in the second round of the NIT. In 2010, they will get to the Final Four. In 2011, all of the starters in 2010 will either be in the NBA or playing in Europe. Phil Martelli will still be the local media darling on the radio in Philly.