I'm off to do the jobs that Mexicans won't do. See you in May.
I almost forgot it was Earth Day.
Ira Einhorn - The famous Unicorn Killer
My dry-eye contacts dried out. Howzat? That give you an idea? The shower in this hotel room sucks. How 'bout that? I'm out of gas. What do you think of that?
But, it's 75 degrees and I'm going on vacation in three days.
Vacation. I might not come back. No seriously, I might run into the jungle and get eaten by a snake. It's OK, I can handle it. I've been studying for it.
And I can really concentrate now.
As in happy (massively productive) Monday!
So it seems I have attention deficit disorder. My doc gave me some pills to try and hey look! A bug! So I'm trying them, they seem to work really well. I managed to get my entire to-do list done during the day, instead of working at mostly nothing until 11pm. So I've been in a much better mood. Which is nice.
I was in a super bad mood. So bad I thought I was depressed, but I really wasn't, I was wanna play robots? I was just having trouble keeping things together.
Since I left school I have managed to get pretty far in life by concentrating on one specialty, jobs that required expert level knowlege in one area, and very little grunt work. As little paperwork, tracking, and people management skills as possible. Those days are over, specialization is great when things are going good and jobs are plentiful, but when things get tight, you'd better be able to spread out.
So in January when my specialty group was dissolved I found myself out of work. Now that I'm back at work, I find myself not only not being able to focus on one thing, but I have to focus on a bunch of people doing multiple things. In addition to travelling, updating my skills, more job interviews etc. I was terrified that things were beginning to fall through the cracks.
After the last job interview I had I realized that something was terribly wrong. I had had plenty of time to prepare, I had gathered all the materials, I had aced the first couple of interviews, but I had shot myself in the foot by not doing the basic grunt work that I should have done. Even though I probably wouldn't have taken the job had I been offered, I had made sure that I wouldn't be offered it.
I was wondering if the Peter Principle had caught up to maddad. Was I just incompetent? Did I just hit my ceiling? Hey, did you see that cool car?
So, I did some thinking and told maddmom that I thought I must be depressed, here I was with a great job, a brand new opportunity working for people who were really happy to have me, but I was so completely stressed out that all everything else in my life was starting to suffer. I wasn't sleeping, wasn't eating, wasn't exercising, wasn't doing anything that I used to like to do, in short, I was miserable. So I went for an evaluation for depression and stopped off at the arcade for a couple of hours, I think.
So what happens, I get to the doc and tell him my story, and he focuses right on the part where I tell him I feel like I'm back in school, just like maddmom did. So I tell him about my school experience, what I've done since, all the wasted time management systems I've used, classes I've never taken for fear of the tests, etc.
'frinstance, I got a 175 on the LSAT in 1997, went to see a couple of admissions counselors and even had a meeting with a grand pooh-bah at Rutgers who told me I would be a great fit for an untraditional student, even with my lousy grades (I was working for a fair housing non-profit at the time and was pretty well connected). I didn't even apply. Not because I didn't want to do it, but because I had kids, Law school is really expensive, non-profits only pay well if you start them or have serious political aspirations and I was certain that I'd fail out. Same with a MBA at IU, same with oh, any number of academic or professional pursuits. Classic under-achiever, right? Right, but thank God I didn't waste that money. Because I know that I'd still be paying it off. So I stuck to my strengths, and was able to hold it together for the last 12 or so years, using all sorts of tricks, but the real reason I was able be successful was because if I wasn't, my kids wouldn't eat.
That's motivation. But sometimes even that's not enough.
So the doc says that what I've got is severe anxiety brought on by career pressure, and the career pressures are due to my ADD, and here's a bunch of pills to take to see if he's right. And when I had finished playing with the curtains, he said it again. And I left with my script and later maddmom found it in the car and got it filled.
I started taking the pills and they've already started to help. It could be the placebo effect, could be just the idea that I'm finally doing something about my issues, could be a massive influx of chemicals. Whatever it is, I feel better, I got everything done I needed to during work hours, I was able to stick to my schedule, and I knocked out all of the nitty-gritty paperwork I usually sweat over for hours in a couple of minutes. I guess the real test will be how these things work over time, and how it effects my body. But I don't dread going back to work tomorrow (I'm off today) and I'm looking forward to my vacation instead of dreading it. (When you are uncertain about your work performance, even if people think it's great, vacations can be a nightmare) And that, to me, is a sign that these things work. I was able to relax this weekend for the first time in months.
I would have killed for this in school.
What's the difference between a 16 year old driver and an 18 year old driver?
What's the difference between a 21 year-old college kid getting wasted legally for the first time and an 18 year-old kid who's been drinking beer legally for two years?
Raise the driving age to 18, lower the drinking age to 16. Our alcohol standards have much less to do with safety than they do with the modern-day temperance movement. A group who have over time allowed the government to gain a foothold into legislating against private acts that have no bearing on public safety or community standards. Axe wielding prohibitionists who won't stop until the war on under aged drinking is just as big and wrong as the war on drugs.
Emotions make bad laws.
It froze last night, evidently Al Gore did a flyover in his private jet. 29 degrees this AM and it's April 15. Crazy...
OK, so I'm not doing well on this blogger thing lately, I just have nothing to say when I want to say it.
You don't, but let's just say I'm busy. Really busy. So when I get a chance to goof off, I haven't been coming here. And when I've had any time to think about things I've been in the car.
I no longer have email on my phone, so no posts on the fly, and my cell phone bill was 316 bucks last month. Really, thanks NEW JOB!
Anyway, working it out.
I'm off to Chi for the next couple, so if I don't post, it's the weather.
You go into these small towns in Pennsylvania and, like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing's replaced them. And they fell through the Clinton administration, and the Bush administration, and each successive administration has said that somehow these communities are gonna regenerate and they have not.
And it's not surprising then they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy toward people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations.
That's our boy Obama. First off, he's in Western PA, and that's not the mid-west but he'll learn. Second, here in the small town mid-west we're all about the Japanese and the Mexicans. The Mexicans do the work we won't do and the Japanese hire us to do the work that require a green card. He also forgot to mention that most of the really bitter types are doing enough crystal meth that they forget what they're bitter about and the gun nuts are all in the army killing brown people. But that's OK. He just needs to spend some more time with us hicks to get it right, because the more we see of him the more we love him. Or we would, if he was like us.
I'll tell you how it's going.
I was going to buy a printer on-line and have it shipped for free to a local brick and mortar outfit. You know, because my old printer broke AND WON"T PRINT?
Well, in order to pick up the new printer I would have had to bring in my receipt. Which I can print off of my verification email.
Ya. I'm not buying the printer.
So, it's Friday and the non-teenaged boy kids have a school fair. I'm going with, having fun, brining them home, putting them softly to sleep...
Then drinking myself into a stupor.
Yep, walked right in to a lion's den yesterday almost completely unprepared. I suppose I should be grateful, after all I do have a job. But just so you know, I didn't get the one I interviewed for yesterday. That's all the hint's I've been dropping.
I'm not the type of guy who loves conflict, and I'm really not the type of guy who likes people who play headgames or act like they're better than me. Even if they are role playing, so when I get that in an interview I clam up. But I should have been prepared for that. I wasn't
I gotta admit that I didn't take this interview as seriously as I should have, I had second thoughts about it for a week. Something was bothering me. I was nervous, and didn't really know if I wanted the job, and in the end I undermined my opportunity by not doing the prep work that I should have.
I shot myself in the foot. But why did I shoot myself in the foot? Yeah, the job didn't pay as well as the one I have now, but the opportunity for growth was there, and the company has a lot of prestige and fantastic benefits. Looking back, it seems as if I was returning to a pattern of behavior I haven't been in since right after I graduated from college. I was a bit of an underachiever back then. I really don't want to be that again.
I think, and maybe I'm wrong, but I think I'm just tired. I'm exhausted. I've been on the road for six weeks, I'm learning a new job, I had just been re-hired after getting laid off in a surprise cut in January. I have four kids and I'm looking to take my first real vacation in two weeks. But that's no excuse.
It's a disgrace that I didn't do what I should have done, that job was mine to turn down. I think I had subconsciously convinced myself that it was easier to bitch up the interview than to turn down the offer.
All I could think of last night was how much of an ass I looked screwing up answers to questions that I had already answered in the two earlier interviews. But I need to put it behind me. It's a bad memory now.
Back in 2001 I was let go from a job that I had been assured was mine forever. I was energised afterwards, but once I got a new job I crashed. For almost two years I did nothing but what was in my job description, it was only after my fourth son was born that I got back on the stick and started working on my career. Looking back on it, I was probably depressed, you can look in these archives and judge for yourself.
Losing a job is a traumatic event, like back surgery. You get a huge burst of adrenaline, then you crash and are sore for weeks, months or years. I need to calm down, master the responsibilities that I have now, learn what I need to learn and later, when I'm ready, seize the opportunities that I see. I've done it before. In the mean time, I need to de-clutter my mind. Get rid of all of the woe-is-me crap and excel at what I do now. I can do it, and I will.
And you guys get to see me bitch about having to do it, IN REAL TIME!
Never again clutter your days or nights with so many menial and unimportant things that you have no time to accept a real challenge when it comes along. This applies to play as well as work. A day merely survived is no cause for celebration. You are not here to fritter away your precious hours when you have the ability to accomplish so much by making a slight change in your routine. No more busy work. No more hiding from success. Leave time, leave space, to grow. Now. Now! Not tomorrow!—Og Mandino
I just had to post this.
Just so you "bro-mancer's" out there know, married couples live cheaper than single guys. Plus, you get laid kinda regularly. Or so I've heard, and I can't wait until it happens to me.
So either move to Massachusettes or find a chick you like and a good lawyer.
I'll be off on a super-secret mission tomorrow. Sorry I can't say more, but it's classified. Classi-o-fioed. Got it? Super-duper secreto, hombre.
should be interesting though, and someday I'll tell you all about it. There's a hint a couple of posts down.
c'mon, ask me, ASK ME!
Nope, can't tell you. Unless you guess. You'll never guess. 'cause it's secret.
A real secret. A secretty secret from secretsville.
I'd tell you but then I'd have to kill the whole internet.
Off to pick the kids up at the pool!
I know, yuck. But really, the kids are at the pool.
They are going to re-brew Schlitz. You know, the only beer named for the day after? Now, if they would only let loose with the Bull.
There was blue Bull and red Bull. Freshman year we were partial to the red but I honestly couldn't tell the difference. It's made me what I am today, brain damaged, under-employed, married...
good times, good times...
And hey, this isn't even remotely racist...
Works every time.
Never figured out what the big deal was with that, did you? No cakes, presents or anything, might as well be Valentine's day.
I think it's made up by the card companies. How much money have yu spent on April Four's day cards for your significant other? What about the April Four's day flowers and stuffed animals? And what's with the songs? April Four's day carols suck. I hate them worse than "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" which is one of the six worst songs ever, and one of only three not written and performed by Billy Joel.
And the stupid tradition of eating cold roast beef and mashed potatoes for lunch and leftovers for dinner? Who the hell thought that up? It's a bullshit holiday in my opinion, probably came over with the Italians or Greeks. One of the greasy waves of immigrants in the early 1900's.
At any rate, there's no way I'm getting my teeth cleaned just because it's April Four's day, the lines are too long. Although the sales at the Feed and Seed are usually pretty good, but I can't wait for the April Four's day "sales events" at the car dealers to be over. Hate those commercials.
Sorry to be a downer on a holiday, but this one never appealed to me. And probably never will.
When I was a kid there were some things that were cool. Or, more to the point, the things that I thought were the best.
All personal taste, of course. Like I liked the "new" Trans Am over the "new" Corvette. I liked the 747 better than the Concorde. I thought the F111 was the coolest jet ever and Dr J was the best basketball player.
Some things I thought were "the best" clearly weren't, the World Trade Center in New York was not taller than the Sears Tower and Larry Bowa (in the highlights today suprise) was not actually a better ballplayer than Mike Schmidt.
But for all that, I was right. Larry Bowa is cooler than Mike Schmidt, the F111 was the basis for every fighter jet in every Japanese cartoon for years and after spending three days in a basement next to the Sears Tower I can say, without a doubt, that not only was the World Trade Center cooler, but so is the Empire State Building. Hell, even the National city Tower in downtown Louisville is cooler than that pile.
Yes, I have been to the Sears Tower before, but it wasn't until this week that I noticed how damn ordinary it is. And that sucks. Maybe it should have like a fire-breathing dragon or something out front to punch it up, as it is, it has this really lame 10 story atrium that is dwarfed by the rest of the building. Or it would be if you actually noticed the height of the damn thing, but you don't. And that's my point.
My other point is that maddad has good taste, and you should all listen to me in matters of style and art.