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maddad mails it in Pt 6

3/30/2009

15 Most Unfortunate T-shirts for a Mugshot I have no shame, but also no time.



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Little boy laundry...

3/28/2009

Home alone, so I'm working out and catching up on the laundry. maddmom is still not allowed to pick up anything heavier than a wallet, so weekends are made for maddad and the laundry room. Especially since I'm back on the road.

Long story short, I just sorted the bottom two guy's lights and darks. Six pair of pants, six shirts, thousands of unmatched socks...

Two underpants.

Two.

EEEEEEEW. Glad I'm not in the car with them.



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Posted without comment

3/27/2009

 


Not that I'll get comments anyway, but...WHOO HOO!




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Good

3/26/2009

Larry Kudlow stays at CNBC. Thank God, because they'd replace him with another Donny Deutsch. That would be bad, because not only does he rub me the wrong way with his naked cheerleading for Obama, which would be fine on MSNBC, he doesn't add anything to the conversation. I want market news, trading news, and prognostication from people who actually do it, you know?

Donny makes the rest of the hosts uncomfortable, they don't know what to say. Yesterday, Deutsch creamed all over himself and gushed, "We are so fortunate that we have the President that we have now." or something like that, I think it was actually worse than that, it was so bad Jeff Macke just kinda looked at him all worried like.

Look, there's no Bush love over there, these guys are looking at how the guy in office makes decisions and how those decisions effect their business, it's probably the most fair channel on TV. This Deutsch guy doesn't belong. They need more Kudlow.



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The Rise of the Underground

3/23/2009

Question time. Where do black markets thrive?

At the McMahonsion...maybe



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Animal pictures of the week

3/21/2009

I'll say



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Obligatory Special Olympics Post

3/20/2009

For some it's bowling, for others...






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Christ, I forgot St Patrick's day

3/19/2009

So here's a home movie of me and my brothers singing Danny Boy.








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Not hiding

3/18/2009

Driving. Buying stockpiled cold-war era FRG Army rations of gummi bears and selling them to the kids waiting in line to learn the Obama Song.




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Gimme a d...gimme an o...gimme an r...

3/16/2009

I was on a conference call today that lasted from 9AM to about 4 PM. Halfway through I managed to break the brand-new headset that I bought at Stapled to replace the one that fell apart and broke my phone.

I loved my old headset. It fit my freakishly small melon and had a locking mute button. It had a volume knob that was easy to turn and a thick rubberized cord that didn't tangle. I bought it at Big Lots for six bucks in 2005. About a month ago, right before maddmom's surgery, I had to replace my old landline cordless phone. I guess a couple of years of getting pulled around by the headset jack took its toll, because the headset jack went bad, and I had to keep the headset connected with duct tape. That worked for a while, bur even that finally stopped working.

So I went to buy a new cordless phone. Try it sometime. My old phone, purchased in 1999 for $12 at Wal-Mart, had 12 number memory, no answering machine, a lost handset button, and a headset jack. In the two weeks it took me to find a new cordless phone with a headset jack, I found out that headset jacks are a scarce and valuable commodity. The $12 phones no longer have headset jacks. The $24 phones no longer have headset jacks. To get a cordless phone with a headset jack, you will pay over $30. Closer to $50.

I finally found a single-handset cordless phone, with a headset jack on-line from eCost for $24 plus shipping. $32 bucks for a $12 phone.

I used it for two weeks before my headset fell apart. The tip of my headset jack came off inside the phone. Like that joke with the leper and the prostitute. At any rate, this was not the issue with the old phone, because the old headset jack didn't work even if I used one of my corded cellphone headsets in it. And that was actually a good thing, because when the damn phone broke I almost killed somebody. It took me a good two weeks to find a new cordless phone, with a headset jack for under $30 on clearance at Staples. Where I also paid $24 for a new headset.

The new headset sucks. The mute button doesn't lock, I have to hold it, and the padding around the ear is too thick and makes it hard to hear, everything sounds muffled. So naturally you would turn up the volume, but the volume can only go up so high, and that's not even as high as Michael Phelps at Jury Duty.

So to make a long story even longer, today, during my marathon conference all, I broke the new headset. You see, unlike the Chinese knockoff of an inexpensive Korean office headset I previously owned, this high-dollar American made piece of technological magic, didn't have a springy metal wire running through it. It was nothing but cheaply made (not "cheap" by any stretch) plastic. With no give. So when you pulled it off of your head in a fit of rage, or when you ran out your office door before you pissed all over yourself and forgot it was around your neck, it didn't stretch out and "sproing" spring back to size. Oh no. It broke.

I can't face stimulating our economy any more by purchasing disposable electronics from chain stores at 200 percent markup. I can't. I'd rther shave my taint with a broken widshield wiper. Which was exactly what I was going to do when I noticed that the sharp scrapy bit of the winsheild wiper was exactly what the freakin' Chinese used to hold my old headset together. So I grabbed some pliers and pulled out the thin whippy bit of metal that gave the wiper its shape, bent that mother around the back of my head, and duct taped it to the broken headset.


It still sucks, but it works. And I didn't spend a dime. Eat me, suckers.


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Thanks for nothing

3/13/2009

OK, check this.

The Junior High here was locked down today and all of the students were moved to the High School gym. Scary stuff, but once I found out what was going on, I knew what it was about.

HOWEVER.

The Prince had his mobile phone with him. Somehow he managed to turn it on and to call the house phone. I was on a conference call for work and couldn't answer on the first ring, so he hung up. Almost immediately he called back, and cryptically, like he had accidentally dialed and was speaking to someone else, I heard him say, "They're moving us to the High School gym". Then the phone went dead.

I knew I wasn't going to be able call him back. So I turned on the local radio. Nothing. But there's never anything on that station, even in the middle of a tornado outbreak. So I tried the local newspaper website. Still nothing. So I called maddmom. She said she hadn't heard anything either. We eventually finagled a way to get information without letting on we thought something was going on.

Here's why.

We didn't feel like we should call the school and find out what was going on because a week ago, there had been a bomb threat at the High School and some of the kids had called their parents. When the parents called the school, the kids WERE SUSPENDED FOR USING THEIR CELL PHONES DURING SCHOOL HOURS. That's right, you get evacuated because of a bomb threat and if you call your parents, you get suspended.

So maddmom and I dithered for twenty minutes while an imaginary Columbine massacree played out in our heads because a frightened kid had called us to secretly let us know that the school was in lockdown.

I can see the headlines now, on FOX: HERO BOY WHO CALLED 911, EXPELLED FOR RULES INFRACTION. On MSNBC, TROUBLEMAKER USES CELL PHONE TO BULLY BULLIED KIDS WHO SNAPPED. On Nancy Grace: "BOY GUILTY OF MURDER BY COP. GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY! DID I MENTION IT WAS A BOY? AND THAT HE'S GUILTY? BECAUSE HE'S GUILTY AND A BOY. PLUS TOT MOM GETS A HAIRCUT.

PS, the Prince denies that he was frightened. Vehemently. Not. Frightened.

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Little bit of awesomness

3/12/2009

maddmom's surgery went so well that she's been asked to go to a conference and talk about it.

You can learn about last year's conference here. You can find a lot of information at that link and it'll give you an idea of what's been going on here at the McMahonsion for the last couple of weeks.

The lady can heal like Wolverine, it's amazing.

I'm going to leave the obvious hair jokes alone. Now that she can shower, maddmom no longer has Wolverine-like leg hair. maddmom has beautiful long, curly, black, hair. It's a pity she wears those gloves to cover it up.



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A question

3/10/2009

Here's a question for both of you. Should I put ads on my blog?

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Cleaning out the camera

I have this old digital camera my brother gave me six or seven years ago. It still works great, but my wife hates it. So she gets the new Kodak, which sucks. And I get the old Sony, that seems to be indestructible. I mean, just the other day I dropped it off of the porch and it landed on the concrete walk. Must have been the hundredth time I've dropped it. Built like a tank. Plus, the battery still hold a charge. So like, I win.

We are zombie ready at the McMahonsion. Bring. It. On. This was right after I dropped the camera, it was still shaken up. I made it a cup of tea and it got less blurry.
Here's the new printer and the media server. Right now it's booting from that floppy and running GeeXbox. That's a 160 GB usb plugged in. I won't tell you how long it took me to get that damn thing to recognize that damn USB. There's two NICS, in that thing now. One to the private network, another to the wireless. I'm about one slow work day from taking it down and turning it into a proxy server/ firewall/ webserver. The problem with that is my work stuff, I need a public IP for my VPN...and I want to use that printer...and I'm too lazy to fight with corporate IT over security. Anyway, it doesn't really have the power. That's my circa 1998 Toshiba Laptop. And look, the cables are hid. My gym is about one foot to the right and I used to have the cat5 and phone cable hanging out of the drop ceiling. Good for autoerotic asphyxiation. but not much else. I came close to pulling down the ceiling a few times, so when the new printer appeared, the cables disappeared. Also, the battery on that laptop will last four hours if all you're doing is surfing the web.
Jealous much? I am. He's on the floor right outside my office watching his brother, who's sick today, play Zelda. Every few minutes he shoots his brother with that NERF dart gun in his hand. Then they yell at each other.

Check this. I'm dressed like John Cuzak, circa 1983. Topsiders and camo pants. I'm also wearing a baseball shirt and a zip-up argyl sweater. I think the longer I stay home, the more the kids fashion sense is rubbing off on me. Seriously, if I had feety pajamas I'd never take them off.
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I'ma kick yo' Kellog eatin' azz

3/09/2009

 


I AM BEAST!
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Murderers and idiots

'Real IRA was behind army attack'

There's still a "War on Terror" on and it was never limited to the Middle East or Muslims. I believe these assholes fit the definition of terrorist, don't they?

I realize that the "Real IRA" probably felt that with the economy in the tank, people would be more willing to join in to this kind of garbage, but it won't work. At least it shouldn't work. If it does work then people are more stupid than I thought and I'll have to re-think the ingenious fortifications here at the McMahonsion.

And I'm real happy that here in the US, we're all caught up with what the Democrats think of what Rush Limbaugh said two months ago, because hey, that's really important.

Here's something interesting

3/06/2009

From Boing Boing:

Doctors force patients to sign gag orders forbidding online reviews.

When maddmom was auditioning doctors for her surgery we ran into this. The doctors she initially chose for her procedure had nothing but glowing reviews, but our experience with the doctors, the results we saw, and the office staff made us nervous. As a matter of fact, it made maddmom nervous enough that we canceled the surgery there and picked a different group of doctors. This group didn't ask us to sign an EULA.

More to the point, if a doctor/professor/business/President wants to keep you quiet about your opinion, there's probably a reason.

Right Mr. Cramer?

Remember the saying If something looks too good to be true, it probably is? It's outdated. Now we have maddad's law.

If something looks to good to be true, don't fucking vote for it.

Worked before, right?

03/06/2009 - Could St. Louis lose its Catholic hospitals under new federal abortion legislation? : "But even within the Catholic community, there is disagreement about the effects FOCA might have on hospitals, with some health care professionals and bishops saying a strategy of ignoring the law, if it passes, would be more effective"

Dalek found in pond

3/05/2009

This is frighting.

Now all of those fossils are making sense.

Womenomics? Another reason to hate Metallica.

3/03/2009

Men caused the economic crisis.

Utter bullshit and I can prove it.

The housing bubble is the culprit, right? People buying big fancy houses they can't afford, right? Well, let's take a look at what kind of home the average single man lives in. For example, my house: The Mcmahonsion, actual size.

See? Perfectly acceptable for a single guy. But guys want to get laid. And chicks, well chicks don't like crapping into a hole in the yard. Even if it is a really nice semi-private space. So chicks are taught at an early age to be stingy with the goods. So us guys go out of our way to give the chicks what they want. And what do chicks want when it comes to a house?

What maddmom thinks the McMahonsion should look like

So, if the truth be told, we only destroyed the economy so we could get laid. No guy I know gives a shit if his house doesn't have a garden tub or granite kitchen counters. All a guy cares about is cable and a fridge.

Look, I've done extensive research on this, I've talked to at least three guys. All of them said that the room in the house that they feel most comfortable in was the garage. The fucking GARAGE. The chicks? I asked a couple of them the same question and they were all over the map. They liked the Dining Room, the Formal Living room, the Guest Bedroom... all rooms no one ever uses. Wasted space. None of those rooms even have a TV.

So let's place the blame where the blame belongs. Squarely on Metallica for cutting their hair in the early nineties.
Low expectations

If Metallica hadn't cut their hair, roughly three bazillion mullett-wearing douchebags wouldn't have followed suit. The chicks who hooked up with these douchebags would never have the idea that these guys would ever do better than the '86 Camaro and the mobile home.

Lowes Expectations

The short hair faked every nasty hairball skank into thinking that any douchebag guy could buy them a Barbie Dream House, it became a requirement. And guys being guys, they found a way to get it.

So they could get it. Knowwhutahmsayin?