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Womenomics? Another reason to hate Metallica.

3/03/2009

Men caused the economic crisis.

Utter bullshit and I can prove it.

The housing bubble is the culprit, right? People buying big fancy houses they can't afford, right? Well, let's take a look at what kind of home the average single man lives in. For example, my house: The Mcmahonsion, actual size.

See? Perfectly acceptable for a single guy. But guys want to get laid. And chicks, well chicks don't like crapping into a hole in the yard. Even if it is a really nice semi-private space. So chicks are taught at an early age to be stingy with the goods. So us guys go out of our way to give the chicks what they want. And what do chicks want when it comes to a house?

What maddmom thinks the McMahonsion should look like

So, if the truth be told, we only destroyed the economy so we could get laid. No guy I know gives a shit if his house doesn't have a garden tub or granite kitchen counters. All a guy cares about is cable and a fridge.

Look, I've done extensive research on this, I've talked to at least three guys. All of them said that the room in the house that they feel most comfortable in was the garage. The fucking GARAGE. The chicks? I asked a couple of them the same question and they were all over the map. They liked the Dining Room, the Formal Living room, the Guest Bedroom... all rooms no one ever uses. Wasted space. None of those rooms even have a TV.

So let's place the blame where the blame belongs. Squarely on Metallica for cutting their hair in the early nineties.
Low expectations

If Metallica hadn't cut their hair, roughly three bazillion mullett-wearing douchebags wouldn't have followed suit. The chicks who hooked up with these douchebags would never have the idea that these guys would ever do better than the '86 Camaro and the mobile home.

Lowes Expectations

The short hair faked every nasty hairball skank into thinking that any douchebag guy could buy them a Barbie Dream House, it became a requirement. And guys being guys, they found a way to get it.

So they could get it. Knowwhutahmsayin?

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