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Things I like

8/28/2009

Actually, I think that whole meme sucks, but I hate backspacing and editing so we'll just all have to deal with the fact that this is now the things maddad hates post.

I hate the New York Times commercial where the effeminate male says, "they have the best journolists in the world and there's no debating that." Why? Because he's so believable. You know that this asshole doesn't debate anything because he thinks he's so damn smart. I'd like my foot to debate his ass, except that I'm pretty sure I'd lose a shoe.

I hate airplanes. I hate people who slow to a near stop to make a right turn. I hate that every computer related gadget blog on the innertubes has turned into an Apple fanboy page. I hate that every consumer electronics maker in the world thinks you've got an extra $60 a month for a subscription service. I really hate that people pay it. I hate not being able to buy booze on Sunday, which is when you have to buy booze, because you finished it all off on Saturday night.

I hate "full service" hotels that make you pay for everything, that's the opposite of "full service" dickheads, "full service" means everything is taken care of, like at the Super8. The cheaper the hotel, the more service I get. Better TV, free Internet, free breakfast, the gym is empty and the hookers cheap. At a "real" hotel I'm paying extra for web access, parking, body removal and breakfast. Last time they didn't even lie to the police for me. That sucks. I hate the big hotels.

I hate poeple who say they like all music except for Country. That's bullshit. If pressed they'll tell you they like Johnny Cash, which is also bullshit. They don't like Johnny Cash. They bought those two shitty albumns where he covers shitty Depeche Mode songs because the fucking Onion AV club said they were a "must have", and to be cool, you have to follow the crowd. Hey, there's a lot of Country that sucks, and you know what? Johnny Cash sang a bunch of it. I hate the shit on radio too, but I really hate all the chicks screaming at me. Seriously chicks, is that any way to get a man? Sing a nice song about birds or happy days and shit instead of bitching about your man or telling everyone how much your vagina itches. I also hate hip-hop. You heard me. Now fuck you.

I hate "green". Knock it off, I like it hot.

I hate peple who think I should worry about a comet or asteroid hitting the planet and killing us all. Exactly what the hell am I supposed to do about it? Assholes.

I hate people who want to tell me what I can do with my own damn money. If I have more money than you, I can get nicer stuff. That includes cars, houses, clothes, lawyers and doctors. I work for my money, I'll spend it how I want. If I can afford to fix my limp or have my taint tightened, I will. Even if I have to go to Cuba to do it.

God I hate the fucking TV news.

I hate guys who shave their heads and grow a Van dyke. If you're bald be bald. You look like a pussy with that beard. Literally.

I hate Woodstock. You know what, a buch of assholes crashed a party fourty years ago. Some snooty bitch wrote a song about it. So the fuck what. I went to some killer parties when I was a kid too.

I hate the Kennedys, the Clintons, the Jacksons, the Windsors, Megan Fox (not really), the Real Housewives of anywhere, and anyone who cries on TV. I hate people who don't believe in God but don't admit it. I hate people who do believe in God and talk about nothing else. I hate people who think "The Piano" is a better movie than "Roadhouse". It's not. I hate the "Planet Earth" TV show.

I hate people who post song lyrics on internet message boards. Seriously, have you ever won a face to face argument by singing "Won't Get Fooled Again"? I didn't think so. I also hate quotes. Anywhere. I could be watching a documentary on the history of the merkin and Glenn Close will voiceover some sepia-tinged Civil War era postcard picture, "Mah de-uh suh, It's been three months since ah took the cure for mah afliction, yet ah steel-uh feel th' barnin' in mah nethus as if you jest let mah pah-lah. Paw has tol meh thet ah weel nev-ah be alone with you again unless ah can prove mah virtue an' you yer good intentions. Ah wish you would send meh a sign of your affection consisting of one heart-shaped pudendum wig so thet Paw shall nevuh become awares of cure which your undiluted and somewhat grimeh passion imposed on meh to take. - Teddy Roosevelt" Oh it irritates me to no end.

There's a lot more hate in me, but I'm beginning to hate typing, and it Friday, so I'm quitting while I'm ahead - Ghandi





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1 Comments:

Anonymous Third News said...

"...fix my limp or have my taint tightened"

If only you didn't spend your cash on your hoof and ass, you's be driving your beautiful car but then again, the taint job keeps the car looking/smelling pretty

1:56 PM

 

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