Go to content Go to navigation Go to search

I have a plan


Looks like we'll get some kind of state-run health insurance mess jammed down our throats. Our taxes will go way up, kind of like the UK:

Income Tax rates and taxable bands
Income Tax rates and taxable bands 2007-08
Starting rate: 10% £0-£2,230
Basic rate: 22% £2,231-£34,600
Higher rate: 40% Over £34, 600
Income Tax rates and taxable bands 2008-09 2009-10
Starting rate for savings: 10%* £0-£2,320 £0-£2,440
Basic rate: 20% £0-£34,800 £0-£37,400
Higher rate: 40% Over £34,800 Over £37,400

* From 2008-09 there is a 10 per cent starting rate for savings income only. If your non-savings income is above this limit then the 10 per cent starting rate for savings will not apply.

And that's just income tax, national insurance is here: National Insurance contributions.

Obviously rationing is the only way we can make this affordable. Unless...

I propose making marijuana an over-the-counter medication. Like Tylenol, Aspirin, Methamphetamine or Motrin.

Here's the deal. Smoking pot relaxes you, makes you hungry, lazy and messes with your short-term memory. It's a panacea for everyday sickies.

Let's say you get sick today, a cough, sniffles, and a sore throat.

After you get released from Swine flu quarantine, you may go to the doctor. He won't be in, so you see the nurse, who tells you that when she's sick she takes a mason jar of Nyquil and goes bowling, street racing, and eventually, to bed. The next day, she'll say, she'll be up early enough to pull the dead guy from her windshield, cut him into small enough pieces to feed to the dogs, and get a ride to work. By then, the doctor will be in to change his schedule and pick up the new magazines and he might actually look at her throat. So you'll follow this advice for a week or two until the doctor has time to peek into your neck and write you out a prescription for a ski vacation in Utah for the doctor and his family.

Now all of that doctoring costs money.

Under my plan, if you get sick, the first thing you do is to lay in lots of supplies; Doritos, coupons for Domino's Pizza, Visene, and Twilight Zone DVDs.

Next you will go to the doctor's office. He won't be in, so the nurse will make an appointment for Thursday and tell you to go to Wallgreen's and pick up a new bong and a bag of sweet sticky weed.

Follow the directions on the baggie and take two to eight bong hits an hour, or smoke until you become convinced someone is peeking in your second floor windows even though youy live in a rancher.

When Thursday comes around, you may not be any better. In fact, your cough may be worse, but you'll have forgotten to go to the doctor. That's where the savings are, right there.

I expect my plan is a lot less complicated than the plans currently in front of Congress, and I...uh...huh...uh...so like, why couldn't the Professor just like build a boat man?

Bookmark and Share


Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home