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Geek time...


OK, for about five years now I have been wanting to customize my Outlook Today page.

Wow, what an opener. Here's the story.

Back when I drove a cube for a living I had put together a custom view in Lotus Notes to get me where I wanted to go without ever leaving the client. After the company I was with migrated from Domino to Exchange, I lost my dashboard. When Outlook 97 came around, I was able to edit the homepage of folders, so I could basically add links to my web-based apps by adding those folders to the Outlook Today page. Later, I was able to build my own web page and add my Inbox, Calendar and Tasks as well as all the dashboard apps I used that I could access through a web interface. It was a real nice to have as a cube monkey who rarely worked from home. When I started working where I work now I had everything local on my laptop, I didn't need to manage systems, my group had no real collaboration tool other than email, no workflow app, really nothing I would need other than a shared Calendar that I could open right next to my own. So I used the default Outlook Today, and every once in a while I would change the colors. Gradually, however, things started to get more and more complicated. WIKI's, blogs, on-line travel apps, hosted demo systems, support systems, reporting systems, time tracking systems, expense systems all started to appear and take the place of good old Excel. My Outlook today didn't keep up.

I would have to open a browser and scroll though my favorites every time I needed to access something. That sucked, so I tried an RSS reader, all of them slowed me down. So I finally bit the bullet and put together a new page for Outlook Today. YAY ME!

It sucks.

I have completely lost the ability to design a functional web page. I blame Blogger. Oh, I got a nice tile bar, the color scheme is nice and professional, I have an easy to read sidebar with links to all my on-line apps and the ones that should pop-out do, but the gadgets and widgets and Inbox, Tasks and Calendar? Horrible. Nothing's where I want them, everything's jacked up. I can't get the size right for my Inbox pane and I can't get my widgets to line up. It's like I've gone retarded.

I'm wondering if it's even worth it, at this point. I just deleted everything on the page except for my Inbox (now the default size) and Flightstats. Here it is. Blech.

Anyway, that's it for me. I got things to do today, I'll figure this out next week.

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Let's Dance


And just in case you think the "System worked" over the whole octopus thing, I'll remind you of this:

See, it's happened before. Sea creatures are a danger to our way of life and must be eaten with loads of melted butter and a little sherry.

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Do not be alarmed, maddad is probably a speciesist


Your correspondent

Nothing has happened to your friend "maddad". He is resting comfortably in an undisclosed location where he can see his family.

It is unfortunate that the explosive growth in the use of social networks and instant communication can result in misinformation being carried far and wide in a very short time, Like the old game of whisper down the lane, the truth may be obscured by the messenger when he unknowingly edits or allows deep seated prejudice to obscure the original message from the intended recipient. We Octopodes can see right through this unconscious layer of cultural chauvinism. We are, as a group, extremely intelligent creatures.

When, in the course of monitoring the BlackBerry network, we began to see the beginnings of what may be called a 'meme' we realized that we needed to act.

Simply put, wrote a blog post that contained passages that are extremely offensive to the Octopodeian community, and we believe most reasonable humans as well. While we can't know if maddad is an actual species-ist without first sucking most of his brain into a tube and injecting it into the amygdala of a genetically engineered sea cucumber, which is expensive and requires a huge number of coconuts, we can see that he is using certain code words that any reasonable octopus would interpret as species-ist.

Some of maddad's human correspondents have tried to explain away maddad's anti-octopus screed as satire. They say that his intention was to lampoon the theory of Anthropogenic Global Warming. We feel that this is nonsense. For years, since Michael Crichton used the blue-ringed octopus as an assassination weapon in his book State of Fear, we octopuses have been aware of the not so subtle undercurrent of species-ism in the anti- Anthropogenic Global Warming Camp.

We aren't saying that all people skeptical of Global Warming are species-ists, but as skeptics ourselves, (we have a vested interest in the climate warming and reefs expanding in shallow water) we should work together to stamp out the stain of anti-octopus species-ism rampant in the Anti-AGW community.

If we don't purge our ranks of the unconsciously anti-octopus, we guarantee that the AGW crowd will use these posts and people against our movement. Therefore, we have taken steps.

Some of these steps will be subtle. You won't see any more anti-Global Warming books from Mr. Crichton, for example. Others may be more public. We will gladly use up our remaining coconut shells to take down the entire Blackberry network if we have to. People like maddad? We will re-educate those who don't realize what their culture has done to them, let them apologize, and try to slowly rehabilitate them. If they refuse to cooperate? We'll marginalize them, isolate them, and make them wish they never thought the things we think they thought.

And, of course, there's always the Kraken.

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Happy Birthday


It's my birthday. I am just about as old as Jack Benny was every day of his life. Pretty astounding, seeing as I did not expect to make it much past 20. But I did.

That's actually a cool thing, because now I have four kids, a wife and a mortgage. Which means I am doing my part. I don't know which part I'm doing, maybe the lug nuts or CV boot, but it's definitely a part.

I should be happy that I have kids, and I am. I'll never starve, if they won't steal for me, I can always eat them. It's just like owning a troop of monkeys. Well, the troop of monkeys is harder to potty train, but easier to teach math. Balances out in the long run.

The only thing that bother's me is the mess we adults have made of the world. We are teaching our children, and rightly so, that we humans have made such a grap fest of the world that it's trying to kill us. By getting warmer and adding thousands of miles of new waterfront property. I can see how this is bad. I may end up drowning while bicycling drunk over one of the many rickety bridges connecting the Indiana Keys. I may lose all the money I poured into salt futures over the years when the climate heats up unless I can get Congress to enact the emergency Margarita salt subsidy act. But what I'm rally afraid of is the goddam octopussies.

This is what happens when you fuck with mother nature. The goddam Aussies have been littering the world with coconut shells without a care in the world. Never a thought to the humble octopus. Well, now the little eight-legged bastards have figured out what every red-blooded American has known since time immemorial, coconuts are useful.

From what I understand, Australia is some kind of island paradise. Full of weird and wonderful animals and annoying TV stars. So you'd think these bastards would know that the only thing you can't build with coconuts is a working 2-way radio or a boat. AND OCTOPI LIVE IN THE WATER!

When we are all slaves to our cepholapodian masters, feeding them our house pets and massaging the ink out of their prostates, I hope everyone remembers the prophetic words of the Blue Oyster Cult, "I'm burnin' I'm burnin' I'm burnin' for you."

That's right.

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Oh man


How did I manage to get stuck behind the Saudi with the French
passport with the Pakistan stamp and the ticket to New York in the
security line at Dulles?

Sent from my mobile device

The maddadness of crowds

Beyond debate?

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WHo would have ever guessed this would happen?

taekwondo trained monkeys attack! Training them up to fight the damn octopi.

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Book overdue for 99 years returned

Book overdue for 99 years returned to New Bedford library Harlot's Ghost still unfinished.

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Car Crash turns wioman into man

Car Crash Leaves Woman In Persistent State Of Sexual Arousal

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and so...It BEGINS...


The greatest threat to mankind... the octopus. Yet another problem we inherited from the last administration.

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So this is how it's going to be between us, blog...can't say I'm suprised.


Three posts in three days left unfinished and unclaimed in the drafts. I now have over 100 posts in my drafts folder. I think that's a record.

This was supposed to be the week I got my mojo (such as it is) back and got back in the habit of running naked down the shoulder of the information superhighway.

Alas, it's been really goddamn cold and I'm out of virtual chapstick. So, while a severely chapped taint might be fun for a weekend with the right number of like-minded friends, this week I just wasn't that into it.

I also ran out of Adderall on Tuesday and, believe it or not, I get a little distracted without maddad's little helper.

As an aside; it's really interesting to see how I do things differently when I'm off the pipe. I don't physically feel any different. What's different is how I go about my day to day work. Monday and Tuesday, normal days. I was within 10 minutes of my Outlook calendar. Took a luch, talked to my wife, even worked out (I know, amazing). Wednesday started off all right, I had to drive Skippy to school, but had a nine o'clock conference call I never picked up my prescription. Thursday was a total fucking disaster, I did finally get time to pick up my prescription and drop it off at Walgreens, but other than that, I was head down in work all day. No lunch, no working out, no blogging, everything was either a disaster or an emergency. Even though it wasn't. I really did have all sorts of time, I just used it differently. I'm sure I've said this before, sometimes when you think something's wrong with you, something may actually be wrong with you, you may just be wrong about what it is. For years I thought I was depressed. I wasn't depressed, I had ADHD. Probably all my life, but because I wasn't a troublemaker, and I managed to muddle through, I was never diagnosed. Hitting that wall was one of the best things that has ever happened to me, I wish I had recognized it while I was in school. I'd have this blog offshored in a heartbeat and maddad would actually be a team of Polish computer science graduate students living in an attic somewhere in Ireland. Of course, I may be already, as far as you know. (Not you, mom.)

Long aside, that.

Well, like I said, I had three days of posts I never finished, so what you get are links.

From today:
Lady Killers. Ger-owl.

From Yesterday:
25 Epic Double Chins. Amateurs.

And Jeff's back at his place fighting the good fight against right and left. OUTLAW!

And even though I don't normally blog about anything to do with work, you all should read up on Climategate. And just realize that the story is much, much more than a couple of leaked emails. By focusing on the email only, the AGW crowd is obscuring the most damaging evidence that the hacker brought to light. The raw data did not support the claims made by the AGW scientists, so the raw data was massaged, and in some cases made up, and when requested via FOI, deleted. On the surface, this looks like fraud. You know what, at the center it looks like fraud too. Massive, global, fraud. "Eppure diventa più freddo, motherfucker." I'll be out of pocket next week, you've got time.

Someone should make up a Material Data Safety Sheet on Co2 and print it up on a T-shirt. Now that carbon dioxide is a pollutant, that guy would make a fortune.

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"Association of Young Bavarian Farmers" a calendar.

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This could be the greatest headline of all time...


"Extinct" Bird Seen, Eaten

So how come "instinct" isn't the antonym of "extinct"?

Speaking of extinct

First Church of Tiger Woods (www.tigerwoodsisgod.com), has announced in a statement on the blog that the organisation is being dissolved because of the golfer's "personal sins".

People do a lot of drugs. I'm convinced.

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Holy Awesomness!


Wonder what they smell like?

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who's naughty on this flight?


This guy.

Now you continue to web surf, citizen. While I am off to help others!

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