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Do not be alarmed, maddad is probably a speciesist

12/24/2009

Your correspondent

Nothing has happened to your friend "maddad". He is resting comfortably in an undisclosed location where he can see his family.

It is unfortunate that the explosive growth in the use of social networks and instant communication can result in misinformation being carried far and wide in a very short time, Like the old game of whisper down the lane, the truth may be obscured by the messenger when he unknowingly edits or allows deep seated prejudice to obscure the original message from the intended recipient. We Octopodes can see right through this unconscious layer of cultural chauvinism. We are, as a group, extremely intelligent creatures.

When, in the course of monitoring the BlackBerry network, we began to see the beginnings of what may be called a 'meme' we realized that we needed to act.

Simply put, wrote a blog post that contained passages that are extremely offensive to the Octopodeian community, and we believe most reasonable humans as well. While we can't know if maddad is an actual species-ist without first sucking most of his brain into a tube and injecting it into the amygdala of a genetically engineered sea cucumber, which is expensive and requires a huge number of coconuts, we can see that he is using certain code words that any reasonable octopus would interpret as species-ist.

Some of maddad's human correspondents have tried to explain away maddad's anti-octopus screed as satire. They say that his intention was to lampoon the theory of Anthropogenic Global Warming. We feel that this is nonsense. For years, since Michael Crichton used the blue-ringed octopus as an assassination weapon in his book State of Fear, we octopuses have been aware of the not so subtle undercurrent of species-ism in the anti- Anthropogenic Global Warming Camp.

We aren't saying that all people skeptical of Global Warming are species-ists, but as skeptics ourselves, (we have a vested interest in the climate warming and reefs expanding in shallow water) we should work together to stamp out the stain of anti-octopus species-ism rampant in the Anti-AGW community.

If we don't purge our ranks of the unconsciously anti-octopus, we guarantee that the AGW crowd will use these posts and people against our movement. Therefore, we have taken steps.

Some of these steps will be subtle. You won't see any more anti-Global Warming books from Mr. Crichton, for example. Others may be more public. We will gladly use up our remaining coconut shells to take down the entire Blackberry network if we have to. People like maddad? We will re-educate those who don't realize what their culture has done to them, let them apologize, and try to slowly rehabilitate them. If they refuse to cooperate? We'll marginalize them, isolate them, and make them wish they never thought the things we think they thought.

And, of course, there's always the Kraken.



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