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Awful week


We had visitors this week, up from Atlanta. That was nice, but they were here for a funeral, which wasn't. I flew to Wisconsin on Tuesday and missed both connections thanks to United Airlines. Then I got the Hungarian death flu. I can't eat or drink, stand up, speak or cough without either shitting myself or puking. Sometimes both. I feel like an alien is going to come out of my belly and kill everyone in the house. I haven't eaten in two days. I have a fever and I'm sweating like a pig, but I'm half frozen to death. I'm STARVING!

It's kind of like this.

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Tiger apologizes


Sure...go ahead. Apologize. Sure. But I know I was something. I was more than just something you have to apologize for. I meant something to you. You can forget all those others...and you may never eat at an Applebee's again...but you and I both know you'll never be able to eat Cheetos in the fire stairs of a Hampton Inn without thinking of me, tied up in the trunk of your rental Buick, wearing nothing but my tie and strategically painted spots of green fingernail polish. Those were the best seven hours of my life...YOU BASTARD! WHY DON'T YOU FEEL!

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Six days without maddad make one weak


Right? Right?

Anyway, I haven't been posting for a couple of reasons. One is all the Global Warming going on, so the kids are home from school. Two, well, there is no two, I just don't have anything to say. Three, I've been messing around with a couple of greasemonkey scripts for Firefox that block comments on websites, so my previously misplaced anger is now directed both inwards and at my poor family, who are (I may have mentioned) trapped in this house with me due to the coming Ice Age El Nino Global Warming climate change.

I assume that when the ambulances and police arrive my body will be found out in the snow, frozen, leaning against the hedge, holding a Wii remote. While this blog is filled with pages and pages of "All work and no play makes maddad a dull boy."

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Snow day thoughts from a 5 year-old in camoflage


Skippy: "I'm not just your average spy on the street. I have a sword...and an ocarina. So you better watch out."

maddad: "Can you play that ocarina?"

Skippy: "No. But I can dance!"

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Still think I'm kidding about the octopus?


Otto the octopus wreaks havoc. Granted, this is Germany. But it's still a shame if they all get enslaved by mad octopuses.

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Earthquakes, Floods, Mudslides, Fires...


And Chthulu

Giant squid invade California

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Life will out


Awesome thing, that life.

... and some cattle changed hands to prove that there were no hard feelings.

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