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Making a list...


...of things that are broken.

Every year at about this time, everything breaks. I suppose it's a Spring thing. Winter weather grinds some things down, some things get used for the first time in months, some maintenance that is easy to do in summer just doesn't get done in winter, and after Christmas, school fees, vacation planning, and no raise (again), there's never any money left.

This happens to me every year, you'd think I'd be ready for it. But some years are worse than others, and this is one of them. Here's my list of thing that are broken this Spring:

The gutters fell off the back of the house. They were new two years ago, but the moron who installed them put them up with inch and a quarter drywall screws. So between rust and the thousand or so pounds of global warming we got this year, we ended up with our gutters on the ground just in time for Spring.

Another Global Warming inspired event, the pavers in front of our garden shed heaved this year and blocked the doors from opening. Not usually a problem unless you ask a fifteen year old boy to fix it. Because a fifteen-year-old boy will smash the pavers with a maul.

My driveway needs re-sealing. I spent most of last summer on the road, and blacktop was more expensive than sperm whale oil, so I didn't do it. Has to be done this year.

For some reason the doorknob on a back door that we never use is falling apart for some reason. It also interferes with the doorknob on the new storm door that I put on it this fall because the old one rotted.

The deck needs to be painted. I stained it the summer after we moved in. It needed to be re-done last year. See the item on the driveway above.

My car needs new tires and brakes, plus the 100k service.

maddmoms car has an airbag light on, needs a new part. Warranty work, but has to be done in Louisville.

The finish on the floor has worn through in some areas. It's an oil finish and we were warned that this would happen because the wood is so oily.

The Prince hit a golf ball into the big picture window in the dining room. Don't ask.

The kitchen sink needs to be replaced. It looked like a good idea four years ago, but it's not working out.

The kitchen faucet needs fixing. My fault. Hard water's a bitch on those things and I had been trying to reduce our water bill by not backflushing the system every other day. Mistake.

Garage door. I've been putting this off for two years as well. But I can't get a new one until...

The Garage floor needs leveling. Water pools in our garage, because the previous owners built up a ledge under the garage door to keep water coming in. Water was coming in because the gutters needed fixing. Now that those gutters work, water doesn't come in when it rains, but it also doesn't go out if it drips off of the car, melts from snow, or the hose bib leaks. So we get a nice pool under my tool bench.

The front door is all jacked up. It works, but it's messed up. I have to fix it.

The A/C downstairs needs replacing. Almost forgot. Better remind the wife.

The ongoing plumbing issues are legion, here's a sample. The hose bib in the front of the house needs replacing. The hot water heater is half full of sediment and needs replacing. The soaker tub in the master bath needs new plumbing. The icemaker line needs to be moved to a softened line. I need a cutoff valve on the main inside the house before the water softener. The washer needs to be moved. The sink in the laundry room needs to be moved.

The clothes dryer needs to be moved.

The outdoor lights on the garage need to be replaced, they are messed up, leaking and left on too often.

Need a motion detector on the inside garage lights.

I'm not even going to talk about the chimney. I can't afford it.

Plus, my checkbook doesn't balance. Granted, I haven't balanced it since January, but I'm almost $90 under what the bank says I have this month. I know this is karma biting my ass because I told my wife that being off $2 was no big deal. When I did my reconciliation last month, I was only $20 ahead. I don't remember anyone dumping $70 into my account, and it's not on my statements so I guess I could ignore it... right? Maybe not. I now have to go back four months and check my arithmetic. What fun. I guess the most fun is that I can't buy gas until I do it.

You know, I use a calculator. I do. I think it may just be my handwriting. I guess I'll have to start using Quicken.

At any rate, when I was making the list of broken things I hadn't taken my smart pill yet and my mind wandered to this:

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