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In honor of maddmom's Junior High adventure


A dramatic reading.

Oh youth is wasted on the young...and stupid...

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humpy-bumpy camels and chimpanzees


But you ain't gonna see no Ira Einhorn. It's Earth Day everybody. A day to remember Holly Maddux and piss on the memory of the scumbags who helped her murderer escape justice for years. I'm looking at you Arlen Specter and you too, Peter Gabriel...

And look, I like a clean environment as much as the next guy. I hate litter with a passion, I recycle (even though there are a lot of issues with recycling) and I'm all for clean water and air. But it's not a religion with me.

My family and me, we're better than the Earth. The Earth will do what we want it to do, or we'll force it. We're the top of the food chain baby. It's us, the octopuses and the ants, in that order.

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C'mon man... we talking about practice


Example#2: It doesn't matter how much I work out, Spiderman can still kick my ass.

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Yes, I did mean what I said about practice not making you any better than you already are. If you have no talent for something, practice will only make you as good as you are bad. If you are talented in something, you will be good even if you don't practice. On average.

I believe this. Lemme give you all a f'rinstance. Stephen King. At some point I read that Stephen King wrote ten pages a day no matter what. Actually, according to wikipedia anyway, he said
"Read and write four to six hours a day. If you cannot find the time for that, you can't expect to become a good writer." He sets out each day with a quota of 2000 words and will not stop writing until it is met.
That's a lot to write and a lot to say. Did he turn out a couple of good books? Sure. Classics? Hell no. How many books has he written? God only knows.

Now consider F Scott Fitzgerald. He wrote four novels. It took him nine years to follow up his best, The Great Gatsby, with Tender is The Night. Both classics, Gatsby is arguably the greatest American novel. For close to Three quarters of his life he was incapable of writing anything. He was loath to re-write and was a raging alcoholic with a mentally ill wife and a spending problem. He did not write two thousand words a day, there are only about 50 thousand words total in the whole novel. If he wrote 2000 words per day, in the three years between the publishing of Beautiful and the Dammed and Gatsby he would have written over 2 million words. He didn't, except maybe in letters to his editor asking for money and changing the title of the book.

Point is, Stephen King can write 2000 words a day, every day for the rest of my life and he will never write The Great Gatsby.

What Stephen King will have is a lot of material. He'll get some of it published. The law of large numbers assures us of this. Some of his stories will be good, some will be lousy. All will be Stephen King books and will make him money. He's a millionaire.

Fitzgerald died broke.

See where I'm going with this?

I'm not super talented, so you might be confused. Then again, who the fuck needs talent, when volume will do.

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Over the last couple of years I've been of the opinion that you can get better at anything if you just practice. Practice painting, you'll be a better painter. Practice your jumpshot and you'll be a better shooter, throw a couple hundred curve balls and you'll get a wicked 12-6 curve. I've found myself insisting on this. When I switched back to my old job last Spring I knew that all I needed was a bit of practice and I'd be up and running in top form...and I was right. Three presentations in and I was back on the horse. Skiing. After three years off, all it took was a couple of runs down an intermediate slope and I was skiing like I never stopped. As an adult I have learned to insist on "practice makes perfect", even though evidence proves me wrong.

"Huh?" You ask, seeing as that paragraph makes no sense. "What?" "Are you kidding?" "What evidence?"

Well, for one, this here blog. For two, my non-existent jump shot and three, pretty much everything else I do.

Practice is no substitute for talent, no matter how many late-eighties movie montages you may see. I can do some things well. Practice helps me keep up with those skills. Some things I am terrible at and practice will never help with those. In fact, I may end up reinforcing the bad habits that make me terrible in the first place. That will lead to frustration and humiliation, which can lead to depression and/or another couple weeks in county for masturbating behind the Foot Locker with a shop soiled Air Jordan and a ped-egg.

Now there's nothing wrong with a little frustration and humiliation now and then, especially if you're wearing something really special and the homeless guy actually takes the picture instead of just stealing the camera. But there is something wrong with the idea that it's possible to get better by simply repeating yourself over and over.

Look, I'm not saying you should give up, all I'm saying is that you need to understand your limitations. If you are at the highest skill level, practice isn't really helping you. If you suck, you aren't going to get much better, and if you're in the middle, you'll beat the losers and get beat by the experts, so you're just practice no matter who you play. You're either a lion or a Christian in this world. (But only because the Romans didn't have Mormons...or Jai Alai. What the hell did Romans bet on when they retired? There they are, in Miami, all toga'd out and nothing to bet on. Man. Life really sucked back then.)

I'm also not saying you can't be a success even though you suck. Lots of people are. Most people suck at what they like and a lot of people hate what they are really good at. You know, "the grass is greener" bullshit, bullshit, bullshit...

So what's my point? My point is that because most people think that the more you do something the better you get, we end up thinking that the guy who works the hardest at something and produces the mos of it, produces the best stuff. And the guy who is naturally gifted but maybe doesn't work as hard as some other poor schlub to turn out the same or better product is some kind of a slack ass.

Not a slack ass

What it all comes down to is that this blog doesn't suck because I don't practice, it sucks because I am a genius who just doesn't try very hard. Besides, none of you would know awesome if it jumped up and bit you on the dick. That's obvious to everyone because of the continued success of Billy Joel and the Eagles, while a genius like the Count gets censored by the man. Fucking commies.

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auto de fé


WHen you went and said what you oughten have said

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Things that piss me off


Selling fake piss a crime?

Drug Test-Cheating Fake Penis Maker Sentenced

Guess so. So why is Visene still in business? Mints are sold to kids under the legal drinking age. Cliff notes? Radar detectors? Affliction T-Shirts?

In the future, everyone will be a felon for 15 minutes.

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Axolotl questions


Getalotl answers

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The Irish poked their heads out this weekend, saw no shadow, and went about fixing lawn mowers and cleaning out the garden. Also, Easter. Fun times. Skippy got the stomach bug that the Beast and I got on the way home from Disney. Since maddmom was up with the Beast, I stayed up with Skippy. He puked every half hour from 3:00 AM to 3:00 PM Sunday. No candy for him yesterday. I did let him find some of the eggs though. Being sick on Easter is a tough break for a five-year-old.

So, since we are on the road to a Value-Added Tax, I'm thinking of things to stockpile.

I'm not thinking of hoarding, or the end times or anything, but I needed to buy some stuff over the weekend to fix things around the house, and I noticed prices going up. Way up. I figure I should get some of this stuff now why I can still afford it. And if I buy more than I need, maybe an opportunity may arise to, you know, make a profit. Based on my experience last year during the wind storm and the ice storm, people need things that they don't normally keep around.

Things that can be bartered or sold, useful things that may be in short supply in the near future. I'm not paranoid, but I think that some commodities are going to get more expensive, at least in the short term, and I should try and get out in front of it.

Here's my list:*

For the home:
Electrical wire and tape- 15-20-30 amp Romex .
Copper pipe and fittings.
Soldering iron - propane
Propane bottles - all sizes. Lamp, torch, grill, the soldering iron above...etc
Tarps, rope and tiedowns.
Fence wire
4'x8'x1/2" exterior grade plywood
Pressure treated 4x4 lumber
Ready Mix
Sevin Dust
Bee Killer
vegetable seeds

A Battery charger
10w-40 and 30
Impact wrench
Spark plugs
Code reader
Couple sets of jumper cables
PBlaster penetrating oil

Engine oil
Oil-Gas Mix
Chain oil
Bottled Water

Hand Tools and others
Rubber Mallet
Pole saw
Gas generator
Chain saw

* any item may be substituted for a white hood, a loogie, or poster of the president with a hitler mustache. Evidently. Because I don't like paying taxes and taking a pay cut when Federal employees get raises.. In fact this whole post proves that I'm a violent reactionary racist, so when the time comes you can just put me in a camp. For freedom.

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You know what else is "deeply unfair"?


If I don't pay my taxes I go to jail.

Geithner: Disparity in recovery 'deeply unfair'

Also this:

"People were paid for taking enormous risks. It was a crazy way to run a financial system." Geithner said, "It's the government's job ... to do a better job of restraining that kind of risk-taking."

Since when is risk bad? The bigger the risk has always led to the bigger reward. Risk is what this country is built on. The fucking Pilgrims risked their lives to come here for what? Anyone? CASH! Shekels! Moolah!

You can try and deny that, but no one comes to America to "just get by" or to relax and be taken care of by some smothering mother of a government. No one.

America is the "Land of Opportunity", folks, not the "Land of Safety". Everyone takes huge risk here. Everyone. The Arab guy with the Engineering degree who drives a gypsy cab eighteen hours a day to save enough money to bring his brother over so they can start their own cab company is taking a risk. The Dominican family sleeping in the back room of their bodega so they can keep it open 24/7 is taking a huge risk, the Mexicans who cross the border for any shit job they can get are taking a huge risk, the teacher making $60k a year who takes out an interest-only mortgage on a $400k house is taking a huge risk, especially when he uses his down payment money for granite counter tops because he thinks it'll make the dump easier to sell, the bank that gave that guy a $400k mortgage is taking a huge risk and the guy packaging and selling those mortgages is taking a huge risk, the institutional investor buying those packages is taking a huge risk, and when I put my money into my 401k and pick that fund or buy that stock I'm taking a huge risk. The guy who collects baseball cards is taking a risk.

Geithner took a risk when he didn't pay his taxes, right? Paid off, didn't it?

These shitheads that are running things now seem to think that we can breed risk taking out of the system. Well, they can try. It's been tried before. But just because you remove it from the system, doesn't mean you remove it from the human spirit. Unless....

Secretary Geithner

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