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The suit is 150 years old?

12/29/2010

Suitably dressed

Must be time to get a new one.

When I'm not sitting unshowered in my underwear in my basement, I often wear clothes. These clothes can be business or casual. For business clothes I usually wear slacks, fitted dress shirt with either a straight or spread collar, no tie, and a blazer or sport coat. Unfortunately I have to wear slip on shoes or boots when I dress up to make it easier to get through security at the airport, so I've found some nice looking, square-toed ankle boots that look much less casual than loafers. I don't wear a suit, though it would make life so much easier on my if I did, and I may actually go and get a couple of suits with two pair of pants this spring when I have to refresh my business wardrobe.

I'm more comfortable wearing a jacket than not even when eating, and believe me, I even get grief from the people I work with when I show up for a meeting "suited up". Totally ridiculous, since I'm not wearing a suit. When we do have to dress up for a meeting, especially if it's a long day, I'm at an advantage because I'm not uncomfortable. In fact, even when we don't have to dress for the meeting, I'm at an advantage, I always have a place to put my stuff. I carry a ton of crap with me when I go out; a pen, small notebook, smartphone, headset, wallet, cards, keys, and I can't stand having anything in my pants pockets, (I'll usually put my hotel or office keycard in my rear pants pocket though, dunno why.) and I won't carry a man purse. A good blazer or sportcoat (not the same thing) solves that problem.

The reason I'm not uncomfortable wearing a jacket (and tie if I have to, mostly I don't) is simply because I had to wear a coat and tie my whole life. I went to Prep school where I was forced to wear a jacket and tie every day. Sounds terrible to do that to a kid, and I thought so at the time, and I rebelled when I got to college and dressed like a homeless, drug-addled, ex-roadie.

Later, of course, I got a job. Had to wear a shirt and tie every day again and it felt like I had just made it home after a trip around the world on rollerblades. I was back on familiar ground. Then, about 1998, the company I worked for went "business casual".

For those of you who don't know, "business casual" was a nefarious plot by feminists to get even with Bill Clinton by forcing average white collar American man to utter a sentence heretofore only ever uttered by their wives; "What am I going to wear today?" Completely emasculating the entire herd of American office cattle, right about the same time as they were moved from the free range to the veal pens of cubical culture. Effectively taking a belt sander to our way of life. Sanding down the dangerous and aggressive sharp creases of a nice, clean shaven man in a chalk-striped Brooks Brothers, into a soft, wrinkly, pudgy, cushy, blue and tan marshmallow with a disgusting half-assed Vandyke all over his fat face.

For years I worked with a bunch of fat, bald men, advertising their feminine friendly, non-threatening nature by growing a vagina on their face. As soon as i could I got out, cut my hair short, bought contact lenses, banished my sneakers and bought some hard-heeled dress shoes, trashed the windbreaker and slid into a dark, structured sports jacket. When people see me (outside of my cave) they see a man.

A lot of the time I make sure of it by not wearing any pants.


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