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What do you see?

3/22/2011

"I'm not sure. Hold the light a little closer."

"Is it worth anything?"

"Oh my... Jensen! My notebook! Quickly!"

"What is it? Is it important?"

"I don't think anyone's seen this for a very, very long time."

"But..but..what is it?"

"A blolrg, Jensen. A blolrg."

"What is it for?"

"In ancient times, when one wanted to... how should I say it... 'get attention', one would make a blolrg."

"Really? What kind of attention?"

"Well, you know that today, in modern times, if you have an enormous bowel movement it is proper to commemorate the event with a large gathering of witnesses and make an engraving for your wife or fiance?"

"Of course. In my town it is customary to make a plaster cast if it is large enough."

" Well, a blolrg is much the same. If, for example, you believe yourself to be the world's greatest parent because your nanny does a fine job cleaning up after your children, you would create a blolrg about parenting. If you were a lonely, fat, homosexual man, you would create a blolrg about the fashion failures of beautiful, famous women. If you ..."

"So, if you believe yourself to be smarter than everyone else...:

"Not exactly, Jensen. If you believed yourself to be smarter than everyone else you would limit yourself to leaving comments on an existing blolrg."

"Like how the great artists work!"

"Yes, by covering up poor art with illegible scrawl in permanent marker, feces and spray paint."

"Fantastic! What happened to all of these blolrgs?"

"Progress, Jensen, progress. Using a blolrg was much to slow and unwieldy, as more and more people became outrageously intelligent, the blolrg was laid aside for the Terded and the Scrootube."

"The Scrootube came from blolrgs?"

"Remember your scripture, son. The great prophet Saget said in the Book of GameShows, 'Look unto the trampoline, for in him thou shalt find the source of all greatness. Record your falls and your pain, so that generations may laugh at your expense.' That was the founding document of the Friars of the Scrootube."

"And the Terded?"

"Humiliation in 140 letters, almost perfect penance"

"Fantastic. I never would have known. How will we exhibit this find?"

"Get your camera. Now, hold my beer and watch this..."

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