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Oh boy

6/24/2011

Just for the record, I do not work for Southwest Airlines. But I do agree with almost everything that pilot had to say on the subject of flight attendants. Particularly because on my way here (on the tiniest plane imaginable) the flight attendant was about twice the width of the aisle and had a limp. This is actually the third time I've flown with this particular flight attendant, one of the "perks" of my job, and every time I have, the flight has been nasty, brutish, and short.

I'm really trying not to rant. Really. But if the flight attendant can't walk and there's an emergency, isn't it possible she might spill my drink? I'm going to need that to keep calm. You don't want to be sitting next to a sober maddad during free fall.

Oh, I would also remind young DC lawyers who occasionally have to fly to and from podunk "midwestern" cities like Cincinnati, to please shut the fuck up. Really. Don't talk. You almost got murdered, and I don't think your pal across the aisle would have cared a bit. When you are on a 50 seat plane, you force yourself to be polite, or some guy just might jam your oversize bottle of water so far up your bad suit that your boyfreind will think you went all hydrocepheletic while you were out in the jungle with the great unwashed. Also, after your crack about "paying full price for this flight" I found myself praying. Not that the plane would land safely or that I would die quickly, but that the horrible gas that I had earlier in the day would return so I could sit quietly and read my book while you gagged on your organic granola due to the impossibly awful silent, juicy, saurkraut farts I'd be squeaking out. You're an asshole, guy. We all know it. And now, so do you.
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