Dangeresque and I were driving home from Louisville when, from nowhere, we saw a rainbow shoot though the sky...
It was! The rainbow ended right at our front door! Wouldn't you know it? ( I was shocked too.) It was seriously bright, at the bottom of it, and all the gold coins around made it really hard to drive through the neighborhood. I should really think about getting a four wheel drive.
When we finally got close enough to the house to get a good view of the whole scene, I noticed what looked like a crowd of people milling around. That pissed me off, let's face it, if a rainbow ends at your front door, your neighbors should have the courtesy to keep their hands off the gold. Seriously. Or at least check to see if you're on vacation before they rip you off. That's what I do. I never steal my neighbor's paper unless I'm sure he's golfing or in the office that day. Anyway, it wasn't the neighbors, when I got closer I could tell that whatever it was milling around and tearing up my lawn, it wasn't full size.
There were masses of freaked out leprechauns all over the front of the house.
So many, in fact, that I had to park all the way at the end of my driveway, which was choked with miniature carts and donkeys. Miniature donkeys, by the way, must eat like regular donkeys, because they shit like nobody's business. Getting out of the car, Dangeresque and I had to use my jumper cables like bullwhips just to clear a walkway up to the garage.
Unsurprisingly one of my other kids had left the garage door wide open and the little green leprechaun bastards had already raided my beer fridge.
Now, drunk or sober, a freaked out leprechaun isn't to be trifled with, and unfortunately for Dangeresque, leprechauns are extremely sensitive to any slight on their size. You see, Dangeresque's voice is changing and every third word comes out as a chipmunk-y squeak. I heard him say, "Would you excuse me, please?" to the group of surly midgets blocking the door to the house, and all hell broke loose. The last I saw of him were his giant sneakers sticking out from under a pile of tiny cast iron pots. I was close enough to the workbench that I was able to grab my trusty DeWalt drill (still had the hole saw on it from the weekend) and keep most of the lilliputian brutes at arm's length. I received a nasty bruise on the back of my head when one of the little ginger freaks started chucking bottles at me from the recycle bin, but I managed to get through the door otherwise unharmed. Two minutes later I discovered the reason for the tiny riot in my garage...
The king of the leprechauns had laid an egg.