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I can see clearly now...


The pain is gone... SING WITH ME BOYS! Even my laser vision doc is groovin' to the tunes...
$11.95 an eye... even if it works!
I can see.  It's a really neat feeling. I still have some double vision and some blur, but over all I can see as well or better than I could with my contacts.  The burns on my legs have healed, mostly, and the antibiotics have really helped with the trash monster bites.  I'm excited.

I honestly didn't think it would take this long to get better, but I should have known better.  When you have the skin that covers your eyeball scraped off with a shovel, then told to look into the bright light, well expect a bit of residual smarting.

It was the fall that hurt the most.
It's a really weird feeling to be able to read things from far away without glasses or contacts and now I understand why the rest of you are so messed up.  I'll probably never be right again.  Knowing when I wake, terrified, to some horrible screeching noise in the middle of the night in some lousy hotel, the angel who appears at the foot of my bed is actually Nancy Grace.
I'll eat your soul... with fava beans and a nice Chianti..fffffff

I guess I'll get over it... eventually.

Driving is a lot more fun now that I can see.  I can finally tell if it's a  squirrel, chipmunk, snake or small child on the road.  It's going to be great to finally get an accurate score.

Fixing my eyes is just the first step.  In eight weeks, when I'm off the steroids, stop shitting blood, and my balls revert to their pre-operative girth, I'm really going to work on improving my appearance.  I'll maybe shave every couple of days, whiten my teeth, get back to my diet, get that boob job I've been talking about for years... you know, good honest maintenance.  I am after all, getting older.   

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Friggin' lasers...


Three days after getting my eyes friggin' lasered, I still can't see. Like seriously can't see. Like getting worse every day can't see. I was told that it might be a bit goofy, sight-wise, for a couple of days but this is ridiculous. I can't even see the keyboard. Really. This is maddad touch typing.

This is my own fault, of course. I should have done more research. Everything looked good, clean and professional. Diplomas on the walls, everything was highly polished, he wore a mask... I just can't figure out what went wrong...
maddad's Eye Dr's Class picture.

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Shave the mustache hipsters! Irony's DEAD!


Like, Seriously?


Al-Qaeda joins those questioning legality of U.S. killing of citizen Awlaki

Dammit. I just spent $60 on ebay for a speak and spell. What? I was going to make it say dirty words... at the playground, of course... I refuse to lie to children...

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Stupid, sentimental bullshit...or Aging Bitter Gay Jewish Artist Hates Republicans, Writers who Give Him Bad Reviews and Gwyneth Paltrow...


Look, let's be fair. Steve Jobs helped start Apple. He got the concept of a personal computer before most anyone else. The SI-FI idea that everyone would want to own a personal computing device that would allow us to do all that cool stuff that couldn't be done when he started selling it to us. We bought it. We bought super expensive typewriters and game consoles with bad graphics and terrible gameplay. Then we went to school and learned BASIC and PASCAL and FORTRAN to write our own terrible programs. Then we went to work and learned how to use a million different business programs running on a different operating system on a computer that could be taken apart and put back together again, one that we could build in our dining room from parts bought at Radio Shack. It would run the programs we used at work. Then we all went out and bought PCs. Steve Jobs wanted us to buy super-expensive home computers that looked great and did pretty things, but no one but artists and architects knew how to use them and none of our friends knew how to fix them and parts and software were mail-order only in most towns. They didn't have the power to run the best games, if you could find the games, and you couldn't share things with your friends or co-workers if you had one, because they had PCs. He was selling a super high end German component stereos with direct-drive turntable and a tube amp, when the rest of us were buying Japanese boom boxes with dual cassette and high-speed dubbing. Oh sure, everyone thought Mac's were better, everyone wanted one, but why? Were they really better? Enough better that they could charge the premium they charged? Nope. Things got worse when they tried to go down-market. At the time, there was no reason to buy a cheap Mac.

Then came the innertubes... content.

Jobs didn't invent the internet, HTML, mp3s or ebooks. What he did do was convince people that all these things were better when viewed, listened to, or read on more expensive, frustratingly over-designed, limited devices.

He was a salesman, a great one. He had a gift for design and the ability to exploit the weakness of the average joe for 'aspirational brands'. Let's face it, anyone who has ever used a Zune and an iPod knows that the Zune is a better device, but who would be caught dead in public using a Zune?

Bill Gates was showing touchscreen tablets years ago, no one could understand why that was a good idea. Steve Jobs removed CD drives from Macs, limited ports and made them virtually unupgradeable, but people bought shitloads of them. Jobs told everyone to 'Think Different' or, in other words, 'This thing does exactly the same thing that the other one does, but it's way cooler. You're cool, aren't you? Buy this one.'

What Steve Jobs did that made him great was to show the world that what we are is a bunch of shallow, selfish, immature poseurs who like cartoons.

A lot like this guy...I refuse to lie to children. What bullshit. We've all seen your act. Get over it. Is everybody in the world still mad at Mommy and Daddy? For fuck's sake, I'm taking a European vacation just so I can piss on the graves of Freud, Lacan and Klein.

Is there anything in this interview that you didn't see coming? I've been more surprised at the end of Murder She Wrote.
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Party at maddad's house...


A video mix from Dangerous Minds

Remember to hose off the cat before you leave...

INTERCONTINENTAL SUPER GRIND from Django's Ghost on Vimeo.

01. “Srey No” - Lady Named No
02. “Saman Doye” - The Black Brothers
03. “Shake Me” - AKA
04. “Cumbia Pop - Los Beltons
05. “Generations” - Variations
06. “Songs Of A Sinner” - Top Drawer
07. “It Happens Every Day” - The Lemon Drops
08. “Paint It Black” - Patti Smith
09. “Lorke Lorke” - Siluetler
10. “Slave” - Sabana Breeze
11. “Leila” - Chiitra Neogy
12. “Pink And Green” - Shirley Hughey
13. “Treat Her Right” - The Bombshells
14. “Rule The Nation” - U Roy
15. “Kick Out The Jams” - Tubthumper
16. “Shake A Tail” - Big Wheel
17. “Caterpillar Crawl” - The Lively Ones
18. “Hold Me Now” - The Rumours
19. “Look At The Owl” - Sat Tee Touy
20. “Cat Walk” - The Soul Emissaries
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Good luck with that job hunt...


... no, really, I mean that. I can't wait until you are back, fully employed, and have a few bucks to spend on... oh I don't know, maybe a new set of tires. It'll be precious when you twitter on about how rude the salesman was because you didn't know what size you needed or what rating you wanted or really anything about them except how much you wanted to spend. Then the tire guy will make you feel cheap by recommending used tires, or worse, the store brand. Then you'll have to sit in the waiting room with... horrors... other people who need tires, while people who are dirty and probably don't have a college degree wander in and out of the front and yell. Don't those people have jobs? Why are they sitting there waiting? I hope none of them talk to you, especially the old man with the US Navy ballcap on, he looks like he'll talk to anyone. Must be PTSD. You should blog that. Maybe daytime TV or... oh no... Fox News is playing on the 20 inch TV fastened to the wall or chained to the table. The volume is probably too high and no one knows where the remote is. Make sure the book you're reading doesn't have a dust jacket or a picture on it, and make sure everyone knows you'd be reading it if the noise from the TV didn't keep distracting you. Goodness gracious, the magazines are ancient... and why, in this day and age, anyone needs to hunt anything is probably beyond your ken. Take a few snaps of the ads for deer and pig urine and any full page ad that has a girl in a bikini holding a rifle. You'll need to Tumblr that stuff, it's hilarious! Don't forget to be all funny and sarcastic with the kid who comes out of the garage to ask about the CV boots or joints or whatever. I mean, seriously, right? Like you're supposed to know what the hell he's talking about... you were in AP classes, not shop for God's sake!... And that mustache he's trying to grow? Totally awesome, right? He is totally serious about it. ANyway, like I said, good luck with the job hunt. Sorry Borders closed, I guess. I hardly ever shopped there, I could never find anything I was looking for and the customer service sucked.
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