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Elvis Costello: Don't Buy My $225 Box Set

It's not often that I'll support an artist who's put himself out there to prop up some cause or another... but I can totally get behind not buying an Elvis Costello box set. How should we spread the word? A bumper sticker on your Subaru? "Don't buy Elvis Costello -- Pretentious Music Lovers with Pretentious Cars Against Pretentious Music" How about a magnetic penis for your early 90's Jetta?

We'll call our group: Occupy Shitty Pretentious Crap Music That Only Music Reviewers For Shitty Magazines, Aging Bartenders, People Who Use the Word "Installation" Instead Of "Exhibition", Forty-Year-Old Dickheads Who Make A Big Deal About Not Owning A Television But Spend Hours In Front Of YouTube Watching Children's Cartoons Like "Rugrats" And Justify Forcing The "Superfriends" Box Set On Their Nieces And Nephews Because Of The "Subversive" Gay Subtext, And Muzak Programmers For Starbucks, Target And Unemployed Music Buyers For Borders Books Will Ever Listen To. Or Occupy... Hey, That Bon Jovi CD In My Car Is An Ironic Statement, I'm Only Listening To It For A Laugh... or Assholes, for short.

I think I won't buy the Talking Heads Box Set, the Patti Smith Box Set any Springsteen, Paul Simon, post-heroin Lou Reed, anything with "Acoustic" in the title, just to start... we'll overcome BABY!
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Oh yes you are...


When I’m a mom I’m not going to get a job...

The comments on that post are fascinating. My take, there are a lot of people out there who are paranoid, maybe for good reason, that someone's trying to take advantage of them.

When I got married I assumed that my wife was going to work. I think my wife did too. That changed. It changed because one of us, I won't say who (rhymes with me, spelled the same too), didn't make enough money to pay for daycare and "we" were expecting. I could have stayed home with the prince, but without boobs I was at a disadvantage. Anyway, it all worked out. I think our kids have grown up with some really good parenting, and I have managed to keep employed. Maddmom has managed to keep out of prison, and I haven't had time to consider crack as an alternative to my morning coffee.

Now that maddmom is employed outside the home, all of this will change, I'm sure. But I feel that when it does change, it will only be for the good. I figure that the more people she is in contact with, the more likely she is to slip up. Maybe she'll even mention where she hid the body. I'll eventually end up with a proper burial. Which is nice.

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Is it chilly in here...?


Uh oh...

Climategate 2.0 emails dumped.

Sooner or later this will end up on the news... for the time being I'll just use it to help my career...

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Anyone else have a teenager?


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It's blurry because it's trying to eat me

Never get off the boat... never get off the boat...


Need danger pay for leaf collection. This SOB was under the hostas.

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So I was on a conference call today with a friend from Russia. We were comparing colds, his is worse. He sounds like an elephant seal with TB. I'm not coughing a lot, I'm just miserable. I think his esophagus prolapsed while we were on the phone.

I, however, am in worse shape. The last time we hung out, at a conference in DC last year, I did 30 pull-ups to his 13. Since then, he's been doing some slavic version of crossfit and I, I have done de-NOTHINK!.

I mentioned that I was probably too fat to do pull-ups now (not really true, but I'm not doing 30 in a row without stopping for a doughnut and a milkshake) and the next time I saw him I may need him to help carry my extra chin.

At any rate, this young guy who pushes 230 and is close to 6 1/2 feet tall has been doing some crazy stuff with body weight exercises based on gymnastic training. He sent me a link to this video of some Ukrainian guy who's getting famous in fitness circles over there. Check it out:

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFAAAAAAA. That's insane. I'm not saying that I couldn't do any of that... but um... let's face it, I can do a pull up. That's not the same thing as Spidermanning all over Tartary. I'd have to lose 40 pounds. Easy. 60 pounds if you count all the snot. If my friend can get into this kind of shape, assuming he survives the plague, on a diet of beets and vodka then I'm moving.

Incidentally, I just found out he's older than me. He looks 20. Seriously. I should probably stay out of Russia. I don't want to go to bed one night and wake up the next morning drifting on an ice flow because I have a few spider veins and wrinkles. I suppose I could pack on a few hundred pounds and pass as a woman...

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Really. I've had writer's block since 2008. And by 2008 I mean 1992. So when I decided to try and write 50,000 words in one month< didn't have very high expectations. Until I read "The Most Important Thing an Aspiring Author Needs to Know", a blogpost by Jim Butcher.

Nice motivation, didn't help. I'm still blocked. Maybe hypnosis, maybe drugs, I don't know, something might get me over the hump. Sitting down and dropping words on page doesn't work.

It's not that I haven't tried. I spent most of Friday looking at the word "It's" typed out in OpenOffice. I replaced it with "The" around 2:30, but by the time I gave up I had put "It's" back up again.

When I was younger I could, no shit, bang out 15 - 20 pages a day, free of pop culture references and heavy on character development and style. Most of what I churned out was garbage, but I could do it. There was a zone I could get into. I would re-read what I had written the day before, bang out what happened next. I would seriously get into a zone, I could hear the characters talk, I could see what they were seeing, I had a pretty good understanding of where events were taking them. Not any more.

I read an interview with some music star once, I can't remember who they were, but I do remember that I thought he sucked. I ended up having respect for the guy, even if I still didn't like his music. He was talking to the reporter about his favorite albums and one of them was from a group who had one big record then crashed and burned. This guy said he knew that group was going to blow it with the second record because they didn't work on it while they were touring. He said that they had five years to get their first album made, but instead of using the next two years of touring to focus on the next record, they waited until they went into the studio to put pen to paper. He said that for two years these guys were totally immersed in music, touring, playing and hanging out with other musicians, and they didn't take advantage of it, and it showed. I remember thinking it took quite a bit of moxie for this guy to sound off like that, seeing as he was most famous for singing songs someone else wrote. But what he said sticks with me. I had years where I was surrounded by creative people, physical and virtual, who I could have collaborated with, talked to, studied, emulated or just bitched at. I didn't do it. I had the time and the opportunity, but I didn't use it.

Now I'm blocked. Too self-conscious to write crap and not good enough to write anything good. I'm like a fat seventh grader in gym class, stuck at the top of the rope. I don't even have ideas for stories any more. Urgh.

Live and learn, I guess. There ain't no such thing as a free lunch.

PS: The most motivating speech I've ever heard is this one, maybe I'll start playing it on a loop:

Let's go eat a goddam snack.

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Can We Do It?


not a chance in hell...

It's National Novel Writing Month. I signed up. I will have to write a 50000 word novel by midnight, November 30. I found the site this morning, so I'm already 12 hours behind schedule. I have no ideas, no time, and no talent. So why not sign up?

I won't make it, but I guess it'll be fun to try. I'm going to start posting excerpts over on the other site, this one, but I'll be typing it in Word. Riiiiight.

My handle over at the project site is... wait for it... Lost My Cookies. If any of you have signed up, come see me.

Oh yeah, don't expect anything out of this.

I'll update my word count and maybe post a link or two here every week or so , so check back.

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