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Everthing I knew in kindergarten I learned when I was forty


I'm having one of those weeks. Strike that. I'm having one of these weeks; i don't believe I've ever had a week quite like this one and probably won't again. What can I say?

I have just realized that I have hit that point in my life where I no longer have the time or inclination to have a hobby. Even to the point where I am thirty minutes away from hiring some poor meth addict to come and paint the boy's bathroom. It's a seven foot by seven foot box. A litter box, by the smell.

A couple of years ago I re-tiled the bathtub and shower, and for some reason there's a section of grout that doesn't want to stay grouted. I think the grout was mixed bad or maybe the gap was too big for unsanded, or (more probably) it didn't have enough time to fully dry before someone took a shower. Whatever happened, it crumbled and I re-grouted. I just noticed that it happened again, the re-grouted section had gaps. So this time I scraped all of the loose, wet grout out and dried everything with a space heater before using PRE-MIXED Grout with LATEX(it's got 'lectrolites ™), letting that set for twenty-four hours then covering the base of the tub with an inch (approx 1/36th of a meter)-thick layer of caulk. That should, if my theory is correct, prevent water

OK, I had to stop and lost my place. The Cocker Spaniel asleep at my feet farted so bad he woke himself up. It sounded like someone dropped a bowling ball into a kiddie pool full of yogurt. I think he thought he was dying. He barked and was shaking. I had to leave my office and get the damn animal outside before he exploded. The entire basement still smells like warmed-over death and it's been about half an hour. I tried spraying an air freshener, but all that did was add a flowery aftersmell to the unbelievably strong shit smell that came out of that dog. The other dog hasn't moved, if it's true that gas is heavier than air, I think he might be dead. What the hell happened? Whatever, I don't have time to finish, so you get a dog fart story instead of a home-improvement rant. If you don't hear from me, assume I've been overcome by fumes and send the fire department. Please.
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