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Over the last two weeks, The Prince, the first and so far tallest of the maddad's children, has been awarded the Sons of the American Revolution's Bronze Medal of Citizenship, inducted into the National Honor Society, and selected for Boy's State here in Hoosierstan.

I am very proud...

This should prove to the world at large that my penis is exceptional. I mean, seriously, just look at the damage it can do.

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