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OK, so the president walks into a bar...

4/26/2012

Someone took a picture and half the internet's sphincters tightened up and the other half had an orgasm. Me? I thought the same thing this guy did and wondered how I’d have reacted if the president just walked into one of my college dives while I was still a student. First off, evidently college dives are a lot nicer now than they were twenty years ago. I'm only judging from the fact that this place had silver ware they had to hide, I guess they didn't want Obama to eat the mascot, plus, that chick is dressed up, man. If the president had walked into Kelley's the odds are: 30% that I'd have my dick out 40% I'd have fallen down +20% if it's after 3pm 25% It would be before 3pm and I was cutting Physics lab 15% I'd have just finished peeing against the bar 90% I would say the word "cocksucker" at some point, maybe not at him (I am nothing if not polite), but loud enough for him to hear 55% I'd be asleep 40% some drunk chick would be yelling at me 20% said drunk chick would hit me with something 45% I'd be in the can, puking 47% I'd be in the corner, puking 33% I'd be at the bar, puking 20% I'd make a joke about Schaeffer wanting to "push his stool in" 99% They'd make me leave 100% I'd have called somebody a "motherfucker" 85% I'd spend a good half hour looking for a payphone so I could get a ride to Barleycorns 200% I'd fall down while walking to Barleycorns 80% some chick would yell at me on the way to Barleycorns 300% someone would tell me to shut up or they'd kick my ass 55% I'd get my ass kicked So really, no different than if my mother had walked into Kelley's RIP, Kelley's, you toilet.
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