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OMG, LOL, WTF and probably most, if not all of the rest of the alphabet...


I have never bought a car then called the dealership to fix it when it ran out of gas. I have never bought an oven then called GE to come and teach me how to cook. I have never bought a dishwasher then complained that dirty dishes are still piling up in the sink.

I have never purchased a book then spent hours screaming, "READ TO ME!" at the cover.

I was just on the phone with someone who, if the conversation we had is any guide, probably has.

Imagine this... You have a problem that is affecting part of your business. You've found a number of vendors that make products that will fix this particular problem, so you write a list of requirements and send that list to the vendors. You narrow the vendors down based on how well their product matches your list of requirements, the vendors on the narrowed down list are invited to present and demo their products on-site. Based on how well the demo and presentation go, you get pricing for the solution and set up a proof of concept "bake off" between the remaining few vendors who meet all of your requirements. You finally pick one vendor and have a multi-year project to implement the solution, including fifty hours of training AND on-site end user training on the solution. You have consultants design a project plan for the roll out of the solution, you sign off on the project completion and then you...

...Do nothing. You never turn it on, you never implement the plan.

Then you call the vendor and DEMAND that THE VENDOR comes and fixes the original problem FOR FREE because YOU PUT THE REPORT IN A DRAWER AND LEFT IT THERE AFTER THE CONSULTANTS LEFT.

The answer should be, "No. I already cashed your check. Thanks for the money, dumbass."

The answer will be, "Let me see if I can get someone to help you out."

I want to find the asshole who started this whole "customer service" management bullshit back in the early nineties and piss in his french fries. The customer is wrong. More than wrong, the customer is an asshole who deserves to be robbed and beaten by a pack of kindergartners on a field trip to the Mother Theresa National Memorial Gift Shop and Tanning Parlor. His fucking KIDS should send me money ON FUCKING PRINCIPLE. I should be allowed to gift his wife to my minions as a cook, camp follower and sex slave (where appropriate). I suppose I'd be less upset if instead of DEMANDING the unreasonable, he had offered to SUCK MY DICK, for free, just for fun, but he didn't now, did he? HE DID NOT! I now know that this person is alive, and that has just ruined the rest of my life. I will have to spend YEARS IN FUCKING THERAPY to get over my disappointment that God let this man be born alive.

I also misspelled "problem" eight different ways in this single post. A new record, and obviously this stupid motherfucker's fault.

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