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My whole thing...

6/19/2013

Listen world... This may be hard to hear, but when you describe your self, your intent, your business model, or really anything at all, prefaced with the phrase "My whole thing..." you sound like an idiot. Not just any kind of idiot, either, it makes you sound like an asshole idiot. Do I need to explain? If I do, plan to change your speech patterns ASAP. Seriously, your "whole thing"? What about just part of your thing? What if you can't take the time to explain your "whole thing"? Do you just give them the tip? Because I have a thing, and if I'm only giving you the first seven or so inches (metric inches) you're only getting the tip. Yesterday I watched a "news program" where a ostensible "Medical Doctor" was explaining that "her whole thing" was that children are naturally able to fight off the diseases that we as a society USED TO FUCKING VACCINATE FOR. All we have to do is to feed our children some kind of tropical plant extract that the Indians fed their kids when they weren't getting trampled by buffalo or dying of smallpox. That must have happened on a Sunday when the fucking GNC was closed. Fifteen minutes later I heard some asshole on the radio pronounce "his whole thing" was "being the man for his kids". That would be his three kids with three different women. He'd also be doing "his whole thing" from prison. Then there's the unbelievably deep intellectual mine that is reality TV, where "my whole thing" could be nutrition, singing terrible songs at the top of his or her lungs, having a large family (starting at 32, good fucking luck) or competing with forty other unemployed douchebags to be the first guy to get antibiotic resistant gonorrhea from some weepy, overly made-up, fucked out slut. Her "whole thing" is world peace or something else that makes no goddam sense. STOP SAYING THIS! OR I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL BURN THIS MOHERFUCKER DOWN! And my whole thing is that I don't make threats I can't cash.
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2 Comments:

Anonymous Third News said...

My whole thing is to comment ;-)

12:44 AM

 
Blogger Maddad said...

I was expecting this weeks ago. :)

11:29 AM

 

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