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Eat the big white mint

2/24/2014

I made a huge mistake last week and read some of the crap on the MSN homepage. I know, and both of my readers know, that all I was doing was giving myself heartburn and probably pinkeye from reading that shit. Evidently, some newlywed lady who used to be on TV said something about becoming a better wife by being "submissive" to her husband, like the Bible says, and the bitches on the innertubes went ballistic.

The bitches on the internet, about half of which are men, evidently, going by my now newly pruned Facebook timeline, have no clue what that chick was talking about because they've never met or talked to a Bible person.

Bible people, when they are having problems, go and talk to a Bible preacher. Bible preachers, give out advice. Usually good, solid, everyday common sense advice that the bitches on the innertubes would read on Buzzfeed or betamale.com all day long and click that little thumbs up with their tiny erect penises. However, because Bible preachers are Bible preachers, everything they do has to relate back to a Bible verse. So, instead of telling the poor little newlywed to, "stop being such a fucking raging lunatic harpy or your rich new husband is going to leave your sorry, bitchy ass" he says, "you know dear, the Bible says, 'Likewise, ye wives, [be] in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives" which basically means the same thing.

It's the same advice Dalton gives to the other bouncers in Chapter 2 Verse 6.

"Dalton then spake to the assembled, "Be Nice." Then the disciple who has two lines, Steve, asketh, "Even if he called my momma a whore?" and Dalton replieth, "Is she?".

(The Book of Dalton isn't formally recognized by most Protestant denominations, but most Catholics know it by heart.) 

Why people who have no interest in God or the Bible have some need to take every little thing a Bible person says as literally as possible, is beyond me. Even Bible people pick and choose what parts of the Bible they take literally. But that's not good enough for the hamster and fuzzy slipper crowd, if she says "submit" she means "submit", dammit!  And We are going to shun her and MAKE HER PAY! (don't forget to share the anti-bullying post on my wall!).

To be honest, I'm no holy roller (surprise!).  But I would rather my son marry a goddam snake handler than any "Studies" major he may meet in his path through life.  The snake handler and I will agree that the bad stuff that I may do or say is usually bad.  The Studies major will think that the good stuff is the bad stuff and the bad stuff is OK as long as I'm doing or saying it to or about the right people.  She'll also post nasty memes about me on Reddit because I'll call her "Little Lady", smell bad, talk shit about violence when her husband and I are trying to watch the one football game we get to watch together all year, and force my grandson to call her "Myra" instead of "Mom" which is too genderist.

The snake handler would feed me, be quiet when the game was on, never complain about picking the boy up from ball practice, and save the crying and nervous praying until AFTER I've left the house.   We'd get along, in other words.

Why is it that the people who are so concerned about other people offending people are the nastiest people on the planet?

Because they're assholes, that's why.


 
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Sigh...

2/18/2014

All right shit for brains (plural, see below) Bill Nye is a mechanical engineer. He is as much an expert in biology as I am, probably less as I was pre-med (family med) for almost a whole semester. My point is, stop calling him a "scientist" on Facebook. There is no scientist anywhere who can debate faith with the faithful, no mechanical engineers either. Faith is belief where there is no proof. Why doesn't this asshole go on TV and debate the Pope over one of the Sorrowful Mysteries? Why? Because he'd look like an asshole and the Pope would talk rings around him that's why. So they pick on the people who believe stuff that most people think is crazy and can be disproven by any high school teacher AND also are willing to fight about it on TV. Assholes. Just let people be.
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REEEDINK IS HART

2/12/2014

Congress Threatening NFL’s Tax-Exempt Status If The Redskins’ Name Isn’t Changed

Not so much the story, but the comments are total bullshit. The NFL is tax-exempt, not the Redskins. The fucking Redskins pay all sorts of taxes, maybe not as much as they should, but that's because city and state government officials want pro-football to thrive so that the populace doesn't rise up and murder said officials when in the boredom caused by the absence of pro-football the populace looks into what said officials actually get paid to do. (Jerking off, murder, pimping, extortion, sleeping, rape, drugs, and theft, in case you are wondering.)

The NFL is tax-exempt because it's a non-profit. Like the Chamber of Commerce or (cough) the NAACP or, (cough cough) the AARP or (cough cough COUGH) the NCAA. But reading the comments, you wouldn't know that. Hell, reading anything about this stupid topic you wouldn't know that. Obviously the Jerkwad congress asshole who sent the press release doesn't know that, but he does know that he gets a cut of the profits on the tax-free cigarettes, internet gambling, regular gambling and just the feel-good notion that he is helping the good-old Native American lobby. Fucking bullshit.

If I owned the Redskins, I'd offer to change the name to the Washington Blatherskites, or the Washington Mountebanks, or the Washington Thieving, Grasping, Criminal Liars. I'd change the logo to a stylized Capitol dome, or maybe a caricature of Robert Preston in his Music Man costume. None of the mental giants who are gung-ho about taking away the tax-exempt status of a trade organization because some pressure group doesn't like something about it's members would understand the reference. And since none of them understand precedence or the First Amendment, I say fuck 'em. Let's start using this new precedent against those people. "Colored" is a pejorative term, and it's not just a member who uses it, it's the Organization! Let's force the NAACP to change it's name. Duke is a member of the NCAA and Duke sucks. Until they are forced to leave, there's nothing collegiate about it, take away the NCAA's tax exempt status! There's a porn store here in town that's a member of the Chamber of Commerce. Force them to stop selling porn and bongs or whammo! Pay up, suckers! The DNC and the RNC both support child-raping, drug addicted perverts. Kick them out or cash money, honey!

I don't really care what the Redskins call themselves, as long as they continue to suck, and suck badly, at football, but I really, really care about the bullshit sudden witch hunt that popped up over the last couple of years in an attempt to change the news cycle from one pile of bullshit to another. the people bitching about the Redskins' name are trolling hard, and should be shouted down, or they should offer to pay the owner of the Redskins a little cash to offset the amount of money he will have to spend to change the name of his corporation. Be serious and do that, and it might get you somewhere. Otherwise, you're just a bunch of concern-trolling assholes.



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Books

2/04/2014

I followed a link to an article on the "Ten Books People Claim to Have Read but Haven't" (not going to link it, it is a stupid article that jumps to stupid conclusions) and I was surprised to find that I have read eight of the ten books, some more than once. But the list is stupid. Ayn Rand, Moby Dick, Machiavelli, whatever. If people spout off on these, there are enough people who actually HAVE read them to call those people out. However, I would hazard a guess that most of these people haven't read the books that they think the other guy has read. Real simple, my theory is that most Americans have never read Shakespeare. Every other year or so, a new movie comes out that mirrors the plot of one of the Bard's great plays. Everyone talks about how great it is, how special, but no one seems to remember that they should have read it in High School. That doesn't mean that I have read all of Shakespeare, I have never made it all of the way through "A Comedy of Errors" or "Twelfth Night", I'm just not a big fan of the comedies, but I've read most of his stuff and he's had such an effect on modern English that he should be read. I should be honest about this, I was a Liberal Arts student. My degree is in the Liberal Arts, no STEM for me, but that was primarily because I was a terrible student. It's hard to get into a STEM major when you don't do your math homework. I'm not a practice type of guy. I read books instead. I can't memorize things, but I can remember things, which made History and Literature and the non-math sciences pretty easy. That doesn't mean I got good grades, I'm also pretty stubborn, so any class that required me to acknowledge and opinion or theory that ran counter to my own was pretty much an automatic D minus. However, I did read, and read, and read. In addition to all the crap I was made to read for school, I had a list of 500 "Great Books" that I was given in seventh grade that I hammered my way through. (I wish I still had that list. It was broken down by age, like 12-14 year olds should have read...) It was a very old list, so when I was eleven I was supposed to have read Homer and Ovid. I did read Homer in seventh and eighth grade, but I didn't read Terrence and Ovid until college. I also was lucky to have a reader for a father, and back in the day he would go to all of the library book sales and buy tons of old books. So I had a list of books, and I HAD the books, so I read the books. Most of these books are surprisingly accessible, even the ones in translation. (Quick confession. In High School I had a class called "Classics" which was really just Latin 4, and was nothing but translation. Most of the translations we had were selections from histories (Plutarch, Pliny, Josephus, etc...) that I was already familiar with from Gibbon, and that's how you pass Latin without studying declensions.) There are some books that I've never managed to get all the way through, some may surprise you. I cannot force myself to finish "For Whom the Bell Tolls". I try to read it ever third year or so, I pick it up and drop it and I've read everything else Hemingway wrote (Even "A Moveable Feast"). I've been reading Herodotus in fits and starts since I was in college, and it's awesome, but slow going. Pynchon's "V." is a brick wall. There's nothing wrong with not finishing a book if you've started it, not starting one is a different story. There is a caveat (latin again) to that. Current events. Books about current events. The "important" books about these times, "Dow 150000" from 1993 or "The coming war with Japan" from 1986. Skip 'em. Useless. A while ago, on this blog, I spoke about my game of going to the library fiction section and starting at the letter "A" and picking two books per letter, so one week I'd get an Adams and an Amis, the next week or two a Baker and a Bishop. I read a lot of shit books. I haven't done that for a while, I should probably try again.
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