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Eat the big white mint

2/24/2014

I made a huge mistake last week and read some of the crap on the MSN homepage. I know, and both of my readers know, that all I was doing was giving myself heartburn and probably pinkeye from reading that shit. Evidently, some newlywed lady who used to be on TV said something about becoming a better wife by being "submissive" to her husband, like the Bible says, and the bitches on the innertubes went ballistic.

The bitches on the internet, about half of which are men, evidently, going by my now newly pruned Facebook timeline, have no clue what that chick was talking about because they've never met or talked to a Bible person.

Bible people, when they are having problems, go and talk to a Bible preacher. Bible preachers, give out advice. Usually good, solid, everyday common sense advice that the bitches on the innertubes would read on Buzzfeed or betamale.com all day long and click that little thumbs up with their tiny erect penises. However, because Bible preachers are Bible preachers, everything they do has to relate back to a Bible verse. So, instead of telling the poor little newlywed to, "stop being such a fucking raging lunatic harpy or your rich new husband is going to leave your sorry, bitchy ass" he says, "you know dear, the Bible says, 'Likewise, ye wives, [be] in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives" which basically means the same thing.

It's the same advice Dalton gives to the other bouncers in Chapter 2 Verse 6.

"Dalton then spake to the assembled, "Be Nice." Then the disciple who has two lines, Steve, asketh, "Even if he called my momma a whore?" and Dalton replieth, "Is she?".

(The Book of Dalton isn't formally recognized by most Protestant denominations, but most Catholics know it by heart.) 

Why people who have no interest in God or the Bible have some need to take every little thing a Bible person says as literally as possible, is beyond me. Even Bible people pick and choose what parts of the Bible they take literally. But that's not good enough for the hamster and fuzzy slipper crowd, if she says "submit" she means "submit", dammit!  And We are going to shun her and MAKE HER PAY! (don't forget to share the anti-bullying post on my wall!).

To be honest, I'm no holy roller (surprise!).  But I would rather my son marry a goddam snake handler than any "Studies" major he may meet in his path through life.  The snake handler and I will agree that the bad stuff that I may do or say is usually bad.  The Studies major will think that the good stuff is the bad stuff and the bad stuff is OK as long as I'm doing or saying it to or about the right people.  She'll also post nasty memes about me on Reddit because I'll call her "Little Lady", smell bad, talk shit about violence when her husband and I are trying to watch the one football game we get to watch together all year, and force my grandson to call her "Myra" instead of "Mom" which is too genderist.

The snake handler would feed me, be quiet when the game was on, never complain about picking the boy up from ball practice, and save the crying and nervous praying until AFTER I've left the house.   We'd get along, in other words.

Why is it that the people who are so concerned about other people offending people are the nastiest people on the planet?

Because they're assholes, that's why.


 
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