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It's cold today. Really cold. When I'm in the office and it's cold my damn toes go numb. I sit on a concrete slab six foot under ground with only a carpet pad and carpet between me and frozen earth. In the past I've used boot warmers, hot hands, and even microwaveable slippers to keep my feet warm. Nothing works for very long. This year is looking to be as cold, if not colder than last year, and last year was too fucking cold. I'm pretty much done with the weather here. It's time for me to move to a beach somewhere. I'm compiling a list of trade-offs between living here and living on the beach. I'd miss my wife and kids for a bit, that would be one. Traffic is an issue in warmer climes, but on the other hand, I wouldn't have to drive anywhere. I could sleep outdoors. I might be able to walk places. Then again, I couldn't afford a house, so I'd be in a trailer... or maybe a boat. If I lived in a boat, I'd have to wear an eye patch. But if I really let myself go and get one of those huge round beer bellies, I could wear shorty shorts and oil it up and maybe some gold chains and go all Telly Savalas. Maybe a peg leg? I could eat or drink my way to diabeetus. I'm not really seeing a downside to the beach. I could loose feeling in my feet because of insufferable cold or endocrinological collapse. I'd rather be warm. Time to break out the Reese's and cheap flavored rum.
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