The internet has 24 hours to get back to it's core function of delivering dick jokes and nekkid pictures to my eyes at the speed of dial-up or, I swear, I will find a lion and give it an abortion then bake the parts into cupcakes shaped like Minions holding little confederate flags. I'll sell those cupcakes and use the proceeds to purchase an AR-15 rifle which I will give as a wedding present to the next gay couple who gets married in an Indiana Chik-Fil-A. All while dressed as a black woman but identifying as an illegal Asian immigrant man who likes Mexican food made from euthanized dogs and polar bears but will settle for pizza made by fundamentalist Christian engineers who pretend to be climate scientists on TV. Save the lion fetuses and shut the fuck up!
But I lost track of what I was supposed to be outraged about. It was either Donald Trump, Obama, the Queen, the Pope, or some late night talk show host I don't watch. Also, someone has a job they shouldn't and someone else got fired. Then someone with or without a penis is super brave because of they way they wore that dress, and everyone who is giving the dress a standing O is really applauding themselves for not thinking, "isn't this a bit weird that we're all clapping about this?" I'm also supposed to be angry that there are some people, somewhere, who aren't clapping. Unless they belong to the "Religion of Peace" (TM), because that would be racist? I may need to be out raged at same-sex people getting married, although I'm supposed to support single moms and women who leave their husbands, and men who get married multiple times, even though they lose money and access to their kids when they do it. I'm supposed to think owning a gun is child abuse, when not having a gun in a known "gun-free zone" is a death warrant. I should be outraged at men who make women cry at the office, but not at women who make men punch holes in walls at the office. And I'm supposed to be outraged at that as well. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTRRRRRRRAAAAGGGGGGGEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDD!